Question Summary:
What should I do to resolve my marital life? Question Detail:
I got married 2 years back in aurangabad, currently I have been staying with my father for the past month.
Sir since the time I got married for the first few months my husband and my in laws behaved very well. But very soon their behavior changed towards me my mother in law always used bad language for me in fact abusing just for silly small reasons like, “you can’t cook good food”, “you did not wash the toilet and bathroom” etc. Since then problems began everyday on small issues. She always insulted me and my father, in fact abused me. Since I was not able to bear this I went to my cousin sister’s home when my husband was sleeping in the morning as my father stays in Hyderabad. As it was the first time I heard my mother in laws rejection and hurtful comments.
Then my father came from Hyderabad and they talked and everyone convinced me to adjust by telling that all mother in law will do the same. My husband also never supported me and told me “if my mom says this is not day but it is night then it is night” and “I married you for my mom.” Very soon I felt like a servant. I used to tell my father my problems but my husband snatched my mobile and told me I will never give you a mobile. Then he started locking all the rooms even my bedroom, except my mother in law’s room and he asked me to stay with my mother in law even if she hates me. As there was no other option I used to sit in front of her and she started abusing me again. Telling me she doesn’t like my face, because of me she is falling ill but still my husband locked all the rooms. Once he forgot to lock and I went to my room to sleep and my mother told my husband, he got angry abused me and slapped me thrice in front of his mom.
They never let me talk to my family members. Once my father visited my home and saw me sitting on the stairs he could not bear this and decided to talk to my husband but my husband denied to talk and started abusing my father and my brother and all my family members and he used very bad words. Then my father came the next day and told me I cannot keep you in such an atmosphere. Thinking that my marriage will be broken I went to my uncles home with my mother in law’s permission so that he can convince my father not to take me to Hyderabad. But the moment I came back home she called my husband and told him that I ran away from home. Believing his mom as always he did injustice to me and asked me to leave home and slapped me, his mom also slapped me. She always blamed me for not having a child then they gave me fertility tablets. The doctor then asked for my husband’s semen test we came to know that his count was just 14 instead of the normal 40.
My husband consumes a lot of tobacco, Gutka and cigarettes. My mother in law’s comments were always, “you come from a poor family”, “if I had seen your family before I would have never got my son married to you” and “you are characterless”. She always blamed me for any problem in the house. She never let me use her washing machine, cooker etc. She always created a problem for every small thing.
When I complained to my husband about this he used say you are backbiting. My sister in laws also supported my mother in law and tried their level best to make my husband against me. Then they told me to leave home as they want their son /brother to be happy as “you are like a curse on our family”, “let him be happy we will remarry him.”
Now sir I want to know I had adjusted for these two years because I loved my husband though he was so unjust and cruel towards me and just bcause I have my two sisters to be married. Patiently I did not say anything to my father about him beating, abusing and locking my room etc. Still what did I get back? I had done every kind of khidmat service for my husband and Allah knows better. Now what should I do should I wait for his Talaaq or these grounds where I can seek khula? If yes, then how about my future? Please help me for Allah’s sake...
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In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
We thank you for contacting us about your important concern.
Sister we are deeply disturbed by your truly tragic incidents. It is really a shame to hear about the different experiences you have faced with your husband and his family. Presently we see that you have two steps to take in order to resolve the current situation.
Firstly sister this is definitely a test from the side of Allah Ta῾ālā. You should use these present circumstances to firstly strengthen your connection with Allah Ta῾ālā. Try and retrospect on your lifestyle. Question yourself am I living a life in the complete obedience of my one and true creator? Is there anything in my life that could be a means for Allah Ta῾ālā to let me undergo such conditions as the one that I am currently facing? Sister when we think along these lines we will definitely find things that we need to correct and change, so that we could be better slaves of Allah Ta῾ālā and better human beings in general. We are human beings and we all have faults, but the best amongst us are those who identify their shortcomings and are constantly trying to rectify them. Beg and beseech Allah Ta῾ālā to forgive you and make you from amongst his obedient and close slaves.
The other step you should take is approach people who are the responsible members of your community. This may be a body of Ulama like the Jamiat or some other religious body of individuals who are the respectable individuals of society. They will be able to assist you and your husband to live a harmonious marital life. If after making attempts of reconciliation they find no solutions to your marriage and also that you are being oppressed, they will take the appropriate measures in order to come to a resolve.
We make dua that Allah Ta῾ālā assist you and give you relief from all difficulties.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Mawlana Ali bin Cassim
Student Darul Iftaa
Los Angeles, CA (USA)
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Husain Kadodia.
www.daruliftaa.net
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