Question Summary:
Wasawis and the state of my marriage

Question Detail:

I am a muslim who suffers alot from waswasa and sometimes am not sure after all the waswasa what is what. I am married and have had several fights with my wife and there have sometimes a discussion of divorce. At the end of the day we still patch up and decide to resolve our differences. However, I now suffer from waswasa that I might have said somethin during those fights that might have constituted as divorce.
But after every fight I have never felt that I have said something that would be considered as me divorcing my wife. My wife does not remember any occasion that might have constituted as me saying something that would result in a divorce except one occasion where she said she told me to watch what I say but does not remember what I said. I know of one occasion where I told my wife I WANT to divorce you but my primary intention was just to scare her and not really commit to a separation, however, my recall of my intention at the time is also not very clear.
I would like to know if telling my wife I want to divorce you, constitutes a divorce. Also what if my wife asked me - do you want to divorce me ? and my answer ws yes, would that constitute a divorce.This all has put me in a state of worry and depression. I do suffer from thoughts that bring me depression from time to time and this may just be one of those episodes but still I would like your opinion on the matter.

Answer :

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
 
Brother, you should keep in mind that shaitaan is the avowed enemy of man. Shaitaan will try to do everything in his power to try to disrupt man and make his life miserable. The whole purpose of shaitaan’s existence is that he may try to misguide as many as possible and make them do things that incur the wrath and displeasure of Allah the Almighty. Shaitaan is the accursed and his objective is to make others accursed too. Your purpose in this world is to obey the commands of Allah Ta῾ālā. By spending your valuable time behind these baseless thoughts, shaitaan is preventing you from your true and ultimate aim and objective in this world. 
 
From amongst the many tricks and tactics of shaitaan is to whisper to man. You should be cautious about allowing yourself to be consumed by these tactics of shaitaan.. The present dilemma that you are facing is from amongst the tricks of shaitaan. Do not pay any heed to these thoughts. Whenever these thoughts arise, discount them with the recitation of ta῾awwudh. The words of ta῾awwudh are the following:
 
أَعُوذُ بِاَللَّهِ مِنْ الشَّيْطَانِ الرَّجِيمِ
A῾ūdhubillāhi minashaytānirajīm
 
“Oh Allah I seek refuge in you from the accursed shaitan”
 
It may also be useful to you to consult with your physician. He will analyze your condition and probably prescribe medication for you to overcome your depression.
 
Inshallah when keeping these few points in mind eventually you will be rid of the whispers of shaitaan. May Allah Ta῾ālā assist you in overcoming this challenge and allow you to be focused on your real and true objective of ākhirat.
 
Finally, saying ‘I want to divorce you’ does not constitute a divorce and neither does your replying ‘yes’ to your wife’s question “do you want to divorce me?” Your nikah (marriage) is intact.[1]
 
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
 
Saanwal ibn Muhammad,
Student Darul Iftaa
UK   
 
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai