Question Summary:
My problem is that i am not a virgin and I am afraid to tell my future husband that who ever it maybe.

Question Detail:

I am a 24 year old muslim girl who is wanting to get married soon.  I have done  a lot of wrong things in the past that I feel bad about.  My problem is that i am not  a virgin and I am afraid to tell my future husband that who ever it maybe.  I'm really afraid that i won't be wanted and I am ashamed of my wrongdoings.  I just want to start my marriage of  clean with no worries.  Allah(swt) is the one who forgives sins, so do I have to tell the person that I marry that I am not a virgin?  I am really scared and worried.  Shouldn't we ask Allah(swt) for forgiveness and leave it at that?  PLease give me some advice.

Answer :

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Assalaamu `alaykum waRahmatullahi Wabarakatoh
There are three aspects to this query:-
a)      Forgiveness
b)      Virginity
c)      Informing potential husband
At the outset, you must understand that we are human and are bound to err. We commit errors and fall prey to Shaytaan. Rasulullah ( sallallahu alayhi wasallam ) said “every human being commits sins but the best of sinners are those who repent”. You have committed an error and seek forgiveness for your error by Allah. You should be sincere and remorseful over your sin and make a firm determination never to repeat such a sin in the future. Certainly, Allah will forgive you for Allah says “Do not become despondent of Allah, surely He will forgive all your sins”.
If you have a marriage proposal it will be necessary to inform the boy of your condition. Marrying a chaste woman is an honour and pride for a man. Hiding your condition from a potencial husband the time of the proposal is tantamount to deceit and deception which is Haraam (prohibited). Rasulullah ( sallallahu alayhi wasallam ) said “whoever deceives is not from my Ummah”. You should therefore be upright and clarify your condition. You should state that you have repented since and you are remorseful over your error. This attitude will protect you from many misunderstandings that could come up in the future and would cause a great amount of distress and trauma to you.
You should not become depressed if your proposal is refused. Keep your attention towards Allah, Inshallah a suitable partner will propose.
And Allah knows best
Wassalam
Mufti Mohammad Zakariyyah Desai,
Checked and Approved by:
Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Darul Iftaa, Madrassah In'aamiyyah