Question Summary:
My Parents do not get a long at all. My Father does not care much about the happenings in the family and he is engulfed in his business which he is at 7 days a week. My Mom works like crazy, but my Father does not show any gratitude. My father’s health condition is not real good either, but i have chose to stay away from his business due to the haraam, but this is our only source of income for the family

Question Detail:

I hope you are well and in the best of states. My Parents do not get a long at all. My Father does not care much about the happenings in the family and he is engulfed in his business which he is at 7 days a week. My Mom works like crazy, but my Father does not show any gratitude. He just seems carefree when it comes to the affairs of the family. My Mom every now and then tells how she is feeling. This has been going on for at least 6-7 yrs. I personally as 20yr old son who is in University, do not know what to do. I understand that speculating is not correct, but for many years I feel that my Father has an a secret affair going one, I tried to approach him once and he said are you some spy agency, don't get in my business and the like. I don't know for sure if he has anything going or not but there are signs which show it.

This isn't something recent I have felt like this for more than 4 yrs, but I remain quiet because im not 100 percent sure, and if i do tell my mom, I don't what will happen because for now we are dependent on my father.My last question is My father runs 2 Papa John's store. He has interest loans, and Papa Johns pizza amongst other things sells pepperoni and other pork products as well. My father's health condition is not real good either, but i have chose to stay away from his business due to the haraam, but this is our only source of income for the family. lastly My father is not religious.please guide me, I need your advice Mufti sb.

Answer :

Assalāmu `alaikum Warahmatullāhi Wabrakatuh,
Jazakallah for writing to us regarding the difficulties that are being experienced in your parental home. Brother, you appear to be in a very difficult situation as you are faced with so many different issues in the home.
Firstly, you see your mum struggling to get some  recognition, acceptance and comfort from your father. This is obviously not forthcoming.
Secondly, according to you, your father  is not setting a good example in the home as you fear he is having affairs and that he is indulging in haraam. That is, he is not inclined towards obeying Allah Ta’ala’s commandments nor is he observing his duties towards Allah Ta’ala and his family.
In the third instance, he is not prepared to listen to you as he has told you to mind your own business.
Fourthly, you are also dependent on him for your education and welfare.
I am not sure if there is anyone in your extended family who will be able to speak to your dad about his behaviour. If that is not possible, how about approaching the imaam of the local masjid?
You have to be forthright and tell the imaam or the elder family members about your concerns. You are aware that every Muslim has to invite to good and forbid from evil. Since you are living in your father’s home, it will be difficult for you to tell him anything. You have to maintain respect for him always as you have been commanded to do by Allah Ta’ala. Remember, we are to dislike the behaviour, not the person.
He may get very angry if you ask someone to speak to him but you need to give it a try. None of us know when our souls will leave our bodies and not putting our affairs right means that Jahannum is a sorry place to be in the hereafter. If he remains obstinate and refuses to change after that, there is nothing more you can do. Make the most of your education and remain steadfast on deen. Encourage your mum and the rest of the family to make lots of dua for your dad.
It is also important to change the environment in your home. There lots of parents / fathers who have changed due to the efforts of their children. It is necessary and important for you to set the example and standards in the home. Do so gently, with wisdom and patience. Turn your home into a “living” Muslim home. Get rid of the TV. if you think your dad (or anyone else)is watching filthy programmes. When he is around and at other times also, turn on Quranic c.d.’s every morning and evening. Tune in to radio stations where discussions on Hadith, Seerah, Quran and the character of  Muslim husbands and wives are discussed. Insha’Allah, in this way, the rest of the family members will also benefit.
I suggest that you do whatever you can to serve your mother and ease her pain. You cannot take sides in this matter as you have to be good to both of them. Insha’Allah, when you complete your studies, you can try to alleviate your mother’s difficulties a little more. Do not tell your mum about your suspicions about your dad. As long as you do not have proof, you cannot make accusations. I hope you understand that. Do also remember that Allah Ta’ala is the ultimate judge and witness to what wrong we perpetrate. We may get away with it in this dunya but if we don’t make sincere tawbah and istigfar, we have to face our Creator. A time will come when we have to give account on the day of Qiyamah and face the wrath of Allah Ta’ala (in the aagirah).
May Allah Ta’ala guide each one of your family members and help your father to be a kind and faithful husband and father. May all your family’s burdens be eased, ameen.
 
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Sister Fadila,
B.A. (Sociology & Psychology) Unisa.
Social Work (NDP) Unisa.
Contact :    031 207 6483
082 833 9755
 
Durban, South Africa
Checked and Approved by,
Muftī Ebrahim Desai.
www.daruliftaa.net