Question Summary:
My parents do not approve of the man I like. What should I do?

Question Detail:

I am into a relationship with a guy for 5/6 years almost. It started at the age of 18. At that time I was completely unaware of the fact that it is not permissible. We continued for 2 years which was confined to talking on phone only as we used to live in different cities. But then we quit talking regularly when we realized the fact that it’s prohibited in Islam. Now we both have completed our education and wish to tie ourselves in a sacred relation of marriage. I introduced him to my father through email. He has sent a proper proposal to my father. First of all my father talked to them politely and said we shall discuss it. Abu talked to me twice in personal and told me our family custom of not going out of caste. But even then he said we shall discuss it. Afterwards he remained quiet for about 3 months and then eventually came up with another proposal of our caste. I refused. I asked him repeatedly that when you already know everything then why you are trying to impose. After I refused, now my entire family is standing against me. They have abused me quite much and they say that it’ll affect my elder sister’s marriage and no one will come to marry my 2nd sister. They are giving many lame excuses. The character of this man is good. He belongs to a religious family too. They are no less in status too. The only difference is the caste. I have tried to convince my parents quite much. 1st they treated me with love but now they are angry.
My problem is that I have even tried to forget this person in the span of 3years but to no avail. I am very much inclined towards ALLAH, I am ALHUMDULILLAH regular in my prayers and I am doing wazifas too for this purpose. Also I have done Istikhara several times and all the signs came out to be positive. When the 2nd proposal which was quite ideal according to my family customs came I used to consider that too but then after doing istikhara I don’t consider it anymore. My heart has got more and more strengthened towards this person. We don’t talk but both of us do feel compatibility and honest feelings for each other.
I even admit that these feelings are haram and that’s why I requested my parents to tie us in the bond of marriage asap. But they have completely refused and said that they’ll 1st kill that person and then me and then will die themselves. Also they say stay at home; we won’t ever let you get married. Whenever I try to talk to them to convince they imitate my emotions, abuse me and call me a liar even though they see me praying most of the time. I have no one else in my family to discuss the issue and make him/her talk to my parents on my behalf now.
Please suggest me what should I do now as I really wish to survive a sacred bond of marriage with this person.

Answer :

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
You stated that you performed Istikhaarah and you feel more inclined towards this man. It is possible that the reason you feel inclined towards this man is not due to performing Istikhaarah. Rather, it is because you have already enrooted deep love for this man in your heart. While performing Istikhaarah, it is important that you condition your mind to be neutral instead of being biased and one-sided. Istikhaarah should not merely be a “support” to the feelings which you have already planted in your heart.
We advise that you listen to your parents. Your parents look out for the best of your interest. On the other hand, continue making Duaa to Allah to grant you a suitable partner. Have Yaqeen and conviction that Allah will grant you the best. Avoid any Haram relationships and the help of Allah will be on your side. If you still have any form of connection with the man in reference, you must sever all ties with him. We make Duaa to Allah to grant you a suitable partner. Ameen
 
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Abdul Hannan Nizami,
Student Darul Iftaa
Chicago, USA
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.