Question Summary:
My husband gets mad at me because I forget things, what should I do?

Question Detail:

 I have a very big problem, I am very forgetful, and somehow I become careless. I really want to do my best. Ever since childhood I have been known as forgetful. I have currently 4 children and my eldest is becoming a hafiz with me at home. Also Maulanas comes to listen to him. And so he is our guest those days. I try to be a good host. I don't complain because guest are Barakat, and he teaches my son. I work hard on my son and also with trying to give good Tarbiyat to my three daughters. Alhamdulillah my husband is very good in all aspect. My problem is I am not so good.
I try my hardest to please him but somewhere I forget something or I make a careless mistake. This is causing me great anxiety. I always think if suicide was not haram I would have done it. Because of me everyone's life gets miserable. I want to go far far away where there are no people like in jungle or mountains and be alone, which is not possible because I need mehram. Recently I have caused a lot of financial problem eg $5000 worth car fixing. My husband seems like he doesn't care at the same time he tells my mom. And there is dispute amongst me and my mom or mom and husband or me and husband.
I don't work so I can't pay my husband for all damage I caused. I feel like I'm incapable of doing anything. Taking care of kids or house. My husband also says that. I don't know what to do. I want to be like Ammi ayesha or any other ummahatul mumineen. I have a communication gap with my husband. My husband likes to involve my whole family in my wrong doings. I feel guilty doing everything. My husband doesn't tell me anything and I thank Allah for his controlling anger. My husband tells me to do something like putting something away I get distracted by my son if he needs help in something even playing video game and when my husband comes from isha namaz that thing is not done I forgot. My husband gets mad.
My husband tells me to do all work eg cooking cleaning before children come from school and I do it. So I can give time to my children. And I mess up just when I think my husband will be happy. I am in great grief and don't know who to share it with.
If I tell my husband he thinks I have attitude problem. Or says I'm unthankful that he puts up with me and bears all my expenses. I need help and I hope Allah will help me through you. May Allah bless you.

Answer :

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Sister-in-Islam,
It is important to understand that Allah Ta'ālā has created everyone differently, each with their own special characteristics. Forgetfulness is an inherent quality created within us by Allah Ta'ālā; it is this quality that makes us human. The Holy Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) himself has said:
أَنَا بَشَرٌ أَنْسَى كَمَا تَنْسَوْنَ فَإِذَا نَسِيتُ فَذَكِّرُونِي 
I am a human being and I forget as you forget, so when I forget, remind me. [Sahih Muslim, 572, Chapter About Forgetfulness In Prayer And Prostration As Compensation For It]
Due to this intrinsic quality, Allah Ta'ālā through his infinite mercy has forgiven us for errors committed due to our forgetfulness. The Holy Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said:
إِنَّ اللَّهَ قَدْ تَجَاوَزَ عَنْ أُمَّتِي الْخَطَأَ، وَالنِّسْيَانَ، وَمَا اسْتُكْرِهُوا عَلَيْهِ
Allah has forgiven for me my nation their mistakes and forgetfulness, and what they are forced to do. [Sunan ibn Majah, 2043, The Chapters on Divorce]
As a mother blessed with a gracious husband and four children out of which one is close to becoming a hafiz of the Quran, you should focus on the greater things in life and not let your errors and mistakes force you to have such negative thoughts. Feeling overwhelmed by blaming yourself and making yourself believe that suicide is the only way out is a plot concocted by Shaitan to turn you away from Allah Ta'ālā and make you forget the bounties Allah Ta'ālā has bestowed you with.
Even though at times you might feel that you've inconvenienced your family and your husband, you should remember that this does not mean that they do not value your existence. A family holds love for each other through every phase in life; whether it is at times of difficulty or at times of ease. The love children have for their mother and the joy a husband feels from seeing his spouse cannot be translated into words. It is perfectly normal for anyone to make a mistake and for others to feel a bit of displeasure from it. You must try your best to overcome this problem and keep a positive attitude.
Below are a few tips that might help you in this issue:
(1) Write down anything important: If your husband asks you for something you should immediately write it down or put a reminder on your phone and make a habit of checking it regularly.
(2) Ask others to remind you: If you feel you might forget something, tell your children to remind you about your errands.
(3) Express your thoughts to someone: You should first try to sit down with your husband and let him know how you feel. If you are unable to do so, then seek an elder or someone you trust that can help console you at times when you feel frustrated. Keeping everything to yourself will only result in further aggravation.
(4) Make dua to Allah Ta'ālā: It is recommended that one recites the following verses 20 times every day after Fajr to strengthen one's memory[1]:
رَبِّ اشْرَحْ لِي صَدْرِي، وَيَسِّرْ لِي أَمْرِي، وَاحْلُلْ عُقْدَةً مِنْ لِسَانِي، يَفْقَهُوا قَوْلِي
"My Lord, put my heart at peace for me and make my task easy for me, and remove the knot from my tongue, that they may understand my speech. [Al-Quran, Surah Taha, 25-28]
May Allah Ta'ālā grant you ease in this life and the hereafter. Ameen.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Bilal Mohammad
Student Darul Iftaa
New Jersey, USA
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
www.daruliftaa.net