Question Summary:
My husband and I had an argument and he kept telling me he wants a divorce. Is it as if he gave me Talaaq? Question Detail:
I'm 26 years old. Married for 4 and half years. One month back My husband and I had an argument and he kept telling me he wants a divorce. Is it as if he gave me talaaq?
Life is stressful but I think it has impacted our marriage. We have a lot of issues and it's been going on from the time we got married. I guess coz we come from two different backgrounds. It's really difficult putting everything down on email all at once. I'm constantly down and try everyday to get by. But I think I had enough coz it's taking a toll on my health and life. Please try and advise me in anyway possible.
Answer :
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Sister in Islam,
We make duaa Allah grant you the courage to overcome your marital challenge. May Allah grant you peace. Aameen.
The husband wanting divorce does not constitute divorce. Your Nikah remains intact. [1]
Sister, the fact that you both are from different backgrounds and the marriage has been sustained this far is a positive indication. While the marriage is relatively young, both of you know each other better and will be able to adjust to each other better as the marriage progresses.
Be positive and focus on making the marriage work. If you are determined to sacrifice in making the marriage a success, Allah will be on your side.
It is also advisable to mutually discuss the areas of disagreements with your husband in an amicable way and if both make adjustments, Insha’Allah, that will bring comfort to each other and to yourselves. The following marriage recipe by our beloved Ustadh; Mufti Ebrahim Desai (Hafizahullah) will be useful:
RECIPE FOR A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE
“Our Lord! Grant that our spouses and our offspring be a comfort to our eyes, and give us the grace to lead those who are conscious of You” (Furqaan 74).
Q: Every human being by nature has an instinct to dispute. This instinct becomes more manifest between the husband and wife, thus leading to marital disputes. How can this instinct be controlled?
A. Consider the following ten points to control the instinct of dispute and maintain a happy marriage.
1. Fear Allah: It was the noble practice of Nabi ﷺ to conscientise the spouses about the fear for Allah before performing a Nikah by reciting the verses (Nisa v14, Ahzab v69, Aali-Imraan v101) from the Quraan. All the verses are common in the message of Taqwa (fear of Allah). The spouses will be first committed to Allah before being committed to their partner. There can be no doubt in the success of a marriage governed by the fear of Allah.
2. Never be angry at the same time: Anger is the root cause for all marital disputes. One Sahabi came to Rasulullah ﷺ and sought some advice. Rasulullah ﷺ replied, control your anger. The same advice was rendered three times. (Mishkaat pg.433; HM Saeed)
3. If one has to win an argument, let it be the other: Nabi ﷺ said: “Whoever discards an argument despite being correct shall earn a palace in the center of Jannah. (Ibid pg.412)
4. Never shout at each other unless the house is on fire: Luqman (AS) while offering advice to his son said: “and lower your voice for verily the most disliked voice is that of a donkey”. (Surah Luqman v19)
5. If you have to criticize, do it lovingly: Rasulullah ﷺ said, ‘A Mu’min is a mirror for a Mu’min.’ (Abu Dawud vol.2 pg.325; Imdadiyah) Advise with dignity and silently.
6. Never bring up mistakes of the past: Nabi ﷺ said: “Whoever conceals the faults of others, Allah shall conceal his faults on the day of Qiyaamah.” (Mishkaat pg.429; HM Saeed)
7. Neglect the whole world rather than your marriage partner: Nabi ﷺ confirmed the advice of Salman to Abu-Darda RA for neglecting his wife. “Verily there is a right of your wife over you.” (Nasai Hadith2391)
8. Never sleep with an argument unsettled: Abu Bakr RA resolved his dispute with his wife over-feeding the guests before going to bed. (Bukhari Hadith 602)
9. At least, once everyday, express your gratitude to your partner: Nabi ﷺ said, ‘Whoever does not show gratitude to the people has not shown gratitude to Allah.’ (Abu Dawud pg.662; Karachi)
10. When you have done something wrong, be ready to admit it and ask for forgiveness: Nabi ﷺ said, ‘All the sons of Adam commit error, and the best of those who err are those who seek forgiveness.’ (Tirmidhi Hadith 2499). [2]
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Safwaan Ibn Ml Ahmed Ibn Ibrahim
Student Darul Iftaa
Limbe, Malawi
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
______________________________
فتح القدير) - (4/7) - ط. الفكر) [1]
ولا يقع بأطلقك إلا إذا غلب في الحال
الفتاوى الهندية) - (1/ 384) ط. دار الفكر/ مكتبة رشيدية)
قالت لزوجها من باتو نميباشم فقال الزوج مباش فقالت طلاق بدست تو است مرا طلاق كن فقال الزوج طلاق ميكنم طلاق ميكنم وكرر ثلاثا طلقت ثلاثا بخلاف قوله كنم لأنه استقبال فلم يكن تحقيقا بالتشكيك في المحيط لو قال بالعربية أطلق لا يكون طلاقا إلا إذا غلب استعماله للحال فيكون طلاقا
Fatawa Darul-Uloom Zakaria; Vol. 4, Pg. 44-5 – Zam-Zam
Ahsanul-Fatawa; Vol. 5, Pg. 148 – HM Saeed
[2] http://askimam.org/public/question_detail/25740
http://haqislam.org/recipe-for-a-successful-marriage/
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