Question Summary:
My husband abuses me!

Question Detail:

As salamu alaikum , I am married to a man who made fake promises prior to marriage which he did not keep . He never reciprocated to  my feelings even  during our engagement period of 3 years., but he swear upon Allah taala and said he will change post marriage and I should trust him and marry him .Day 1 after marriage I got to know he is impotent for which I kept patience and did not inform anyone of his condition . Now he has become physically and emotionally abusive , he pray 5 times , recite quran everyday but he never kept any of his promise or any word he said before marriage along with it when I confront him that I feel betrayed he become abusive, he is abusive emotionally as well as physically , ignores my feelings , he says you never won my heart , why did he marry me then and why did not he let me break the engagement when I wanted to , instead he begged me to marry him and made several promises . Please help me what should I do , his emotional torture is intolerable, I even tried committing suicide , even though i knw it's haraam but it's jus too much for me to handle sometimes .kindly help . shall i go for divorce or bear it all what he does with me .what is the punishment for such a betrayal , my life is ruined .

Answer :

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

Sister in Islam,

We take note of the contents of your email and the challenges you are being faced with. We are deeply disturbed by the account of your turbulent marriage and by your husband’s immoral behaviour. It is indeed sad to note that you had to face such tragic circumstances in your marriage.

If what you state about your husband reflects the reality, then it is clear that he is an irresponsible husband. He is guilty of negligence in his marital obligations.

Shariah condemns all forms of abuse including physical and emotional abuse. No woman deserves to be “physically and emotionally abused” by her husband.

We advise you to discuss your frustration with the seniors of your family, and explain to them what you are going through. Tell them about the behaviour of your husband and how the abuse is having a negative impact in your life. They should take the matter up with the seniors of your husband’s family with the hope of amicably resolving the issue.

Allah Ta’ala says:

وَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ شِقَاقَ بَيْنِهِمَا فَابْعَثُوا حَكَمًا مِّنْ أَهْلِهِ وَحَكَمًا مِّنْ أَهْلِهَا إِن يُرِيدَا إِصْلَاحًا يُوَفِّقِ اللَّهُ بَيْنَهُمَا ۗ إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيمًا خَبِيرًا

Translation: If you fear that the couple may separate, then appoint (with their consent) a mediator from his family and a mediator from her family (because relatives generally have a more thorough knowledge of the situation). If they both desire reconciliation, Allah will create unity between the couple (if this is best for them). Verily Allah is All Knowing, Informed.

(Surah Al-Nisaa, Verse 35)

If after making attempts of reconciliation, they find no solutions to your marriage and that you are being oppressed, you should make istikhara and make a decision accordingly.

Put your trust in Allah and seek strength from him. Du’aa is the weapon of a believer. Implore Allah Ta’ala to change the temperament of your husband and make him loving to you.

May Allah Ta’ala ease your pain and suffering and alleviate the predicament you are faced with. Aameen

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Muhammad I.V Patel

Student Darul Iftaa
Lusaka, Zambia 

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.