Question Summary:
What is the Shar’i opinion with regards to the use of Internet for discussion of thoughts and engagement. Is there khalwa in the use of Messenger (only typing) ?

Question Detail:

What is the Shar'i opinion with regards to the use of Internet for discussion of thoughts and engagement. Is there khalwa in the use of Messenger (only typing) ?

I have known a youth for some time (through messenger) and our discussion never included anything haram and we only discussed general problems. Then suddenly she mentioned that she will not talk to me any more since this chatting is haram, knowing that we only interact through typing and never spoke on the phone. I have made known to her that I wish to propose and marry her, but since she is still studying, her father does not feel that it would be appropriate to marry right now. I really do not want to loose her. What should I do?

Answer :

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In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

Assalaamu `alaykum waRahmatullahi Wabarakatuh
 
الحمد لله رب العالمين والصلاة والسلام على أشرف الأنبياء والمرسلين نبينا محمد وعلى آله وصحبه ومن والاه
إلى يوم الدين . أما بعد
Allah سبحانه وتعالى says: (Do not come close towards adultery, for verily it is evil and immoral).
(Surah Al Israa :32)
 
Islam forbids a Muslim from even going close to adultery.  The prohibition includes any act that may lead to adultery.
 
Islam commands Muslims to spend his time with that which will benefit him in this world and the Hereafter and forbids wasting time and engaging in futile activities that does not benefit a Muslim in his life.

Nabi صلى الله عليه وسلم said: (Make sure to what will benefit you), and Nabi صلى الله عليه وسلم said: (Part of the excellence of a person’s faith is that he leaves that which does not concern him)
 
(Ibn Majah 1/31,darul fikr,bairut), (Sahih Muslim 3/1219,dar ahya turas al abri,bairut)
 
The Internet may be an effective way of promoting virtue or may be a way of evil and the disseminating obscenity and evil.
 
If you are using  the Internet for issues which are permissible, then it will be permissible. If used in matters that are not permissible, for example washing movies, chatting with ghair mahram and women etc.

It is compulsory upon Muslims in general to use the internet with caution as there are many causes of fitnah over  the internet. How many houses have been destroyed and how many peoples honour  have been violated through the internet. We ask Allah for our safety and well-being (Ameen)
 
Chatting with women over the internet is impermissible because the conversation is the first step to adultery. and then the Nafs (carnal desire) deceives a person without even knowing which results to the person committing adultery. (May Allah forbid) The Nafs (carnal desire) inclines towards bad. The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم , said: "Beware of entering upon women ,the man from the Ansar said, what do you think of brother-in-law,  he said, the brother in law is a death”. (Sahi Muslim 7/7,dar aljeel,bairut)

It is important for you brother in lslam, to cut your relationship with her if you want peace of the heart and soul, otherwise you will destroy yourself in her love. When a person falls in love with a  women it makes him blind and stops him from the obedience of Allah and His Rasool صلى الله عليه وسلم .
Respected Brother, make sincere repentance to Allah سبحانه وتعالى for the past, and be with the righteous people so that this disease goes away from you. Engage yourself in worship and permissible things and do not be idle as being idle is the workshop of the shaytaan. Committing sin weakens the faith. Remember Allah سبحانه وتعالى abundantly , as this brings contentment to the heart.
 
 Remember, if you seek the pleasure of people in a manner causing Allah سبحانه وتعالى’s displeasure, Allah سبحانه وتعالى  will be angry upon you and  He will cause people to be angry on you. On the contrary, if you seek the pleasure of Allah سبحانه وتعالى causing people’s displeasure, Allah سبحانه وتعالى will be pleased with you and He shall make the people pleased with you. Allah سبحانه وتعالى said “Whoever does righteous deeds whether is male or female with faith, We will grant him a pleasure life” (Surah An Nahl:97)
 
Allah Almighty said: “Whoever turns away from my advice, verily for him is a life  of hardship, and on the Day of Resurrection, We shall raise him blind”(Surah Taha:124)
 
In brief, it is not permissible to chat with non mahram women(women with whom marriage is permissible) even though if it is over the internet in writing.

As far as the proposal concern, I advise you to wait to propose to her as her father wants and do not rush in your affairs as haste is from shaytaan. Have patience and fast as  fasting weakens the desire. Consult your parents regarding your marriage with her, then make istikhara to  Almighty  Allah سبحانه وتعالى . If there is any good in it , Allah سبحانه وتعالى will make it easy for you and if there is any bad in it, Allah سبحانه وتعالى will remove it from you.
 
The Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم  urged to marry  religious woman. Nabi kareem صلى الله عليه وسلم  said: “ A woman is married for four reasons, for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty and for her religion, go for the women with deen , you will attain success.”
(Sahih Muslim 4/175,dar aljeel, bairut)
 
If she is religious and has a good character like you mentioned, then all the better, and if she is not like that then leave her .Allah سبحانه وتعالى will grant you better than her and they are plenty of women to marry. Nabi kareem صلى الله عليه وسلم said, ”whoever leaves something for the sake of Allah, Allah سبحانه وتعالى  grants him better than that”
(bayhaqi 5/53,darul ilmia,bairut) 
 
And Allah knows best
Wassalaamu `alaykum
Ml. Abdur Rahman Shareef,
Student Darul Iftaa
Checked and Approved by:
Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Darul Iftaa, Madrassah In'aamiyyah