Question Summary:
Should I get married now, or should I wait until my husband-to-be completes his studies?

Question Detail:

I understand that it is forbidden in Islam for one to sever ties with family, especially ones parents. I tried explaining this to him and he has come to agree with me on the fact that family relations can’t be broken.

However, now my concern is that he is asking me to wait another two years for him to complete his studies, masters’ degree before we have our Nikah. He wants us to formally get engaged through our parents, but wants to wait a few years before we get our Nikah done. He is having a lot of difficulty obtaining a reasonable job through his current degree and he strongly believes that to start a family he must have a good job and be financially stable. I am extremely angry with him because of this choice but also don’t want to leave him based on his financial circumstances. I also understand that one must be financially stable before starting a family.

We are having great difficulty and I know firmly that if we extend the time in our relationship, not only will it be a form of disappointment with Allah, but it will also harm our relationship further. Should I give him the chance of performing an engagement at the moment and delay the Nikah until he completes his studies? I urge him to fulfil his duty as a Muslim first, do nikkah and that Inshallah Allah will find a way out for us.

He is a good Muslim and a very caring person. I do not want to undertake a decision that I will regret for the rest of my life. My parents are being very patient with me and my father has assured me that will get me married to who I want to marry, but along with this he is not very happy with this man anymore. He is only willing to let me marry him for my happiness.

I am afraid of leaving this man and marrying someone else because I truly and sincerely love him. I cannot talk to anyone about matters because everyone is tired of waiting for him and they want me to stop waiting for him too. Alhamdulillah, I found this website where I can share my thoughts and concerns and receive Islamic advice about my how to handle my situation. May Allah bless you all and reward you abundantly for such a great website. Nauzibillah if we are not meant to be together, and my parents get me married to someone else, how will that marriage work out? I have been physically involved with him and no man will ever accept that about a girl they marry. I am extremely ashamed of writing this to you because I know what I did was truly wrong and a major sin. May Allah forgive me for this shameful act! Should Nikah be performed now or should I wait for him to complete his studies?

He is trying to look for a better, secure job but because of the economic crisis in the country, jobs are rare. What should I do? I have been with him for five and a half years and do not want to leave him because of his financial situation. What should I tell my parents? Please help and advise me, and Inshallah may Allah give me the patience and strength to accept and adopt it. Ameen thumma ameen. Jazakallahu Khair.    

Answer :

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

At the outset, we commend you for realising your mistake and seeking forgiveness for it. We pray that Allah accepts your tawbah and gives you the ability to abstain from such sins in the future, Āmeen. However, we must note that your interacting with this man is totally impermissible and you should make tawbah for all the times you have unlawfully interacted with him.

Another reason that you should stay away from him until you are married is that you have been physically involved with him previously and although you have asked Allah for forgiveness, what guarantee is there that you won’t commit this sin again? Remember, Allah the Almighty tells us to refrain from even coming close to fornication let alone committing the act itself:

The ideal thing to do in your scenario would be to get married as soon as possible, and delay the rukhsati until he completes his studies and finds a suitable job. This way, you won’t have to worry about the financial costs and it will be totally permissible for you to interact with each other. 

However, if the man isn’t ready to get married to you and insists that you wait until he completes his studies and finds a job, then maybe he isn’t the right spouse for you. You mentioned that you have been together for five and a half years and that you love him, but how many times have we witnessed love marriages falling at the first hurdle? The couple seem to be perfect together before marriage. But when they get married, things don’t work out.

You also mentioned that your parents are not totally happy with this relationship. You should consult with them with an open mind and ask their honest opinion about matters. They always want what is best for you and have your best interests at heart. You should also tell them about your physical relations with this man and hopefully they will appreciate your honesty.

You should also keep an open mind about getting married to someone else. You will not have to tell him about your physical relations with this man. You should make sure you do istikhāra and pray to Allah that He gives you the ability to select the right life spouse and that He gives you the ability to stay away from harām.
 
You should also recite the following du῾ā’:

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Mawlana Saanwal ibn Muhammad,
UK
Student Darul Iftaa

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
www.daruliftaa.net