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Question Detail:

Assalamu Allaykum

I find myself in a difficult situation and ask for help so that I can
stay within limits set by Allah (swt). I have been married for 5 years
living with my wife in US. My parent live in India. My wife is a very
nice, educated person with considerable religious inclination which is
a very supportive factor for me. She prays, fasts and observes pardah.
We both do volunteer services with our masjid as well. Teach Quran to
children and participate in other community activities as well.

My parents are very loving and honest people. I love them and respect
them from my soul and heart. I call them often, visit them and send
financial help to keep things as comfortable for them as I possibly
can. They live with my younger brother's family back in India. I have
also given them option to come to US and live with us but they have
chosen not to move with us.

Here is where the complication comes. Allah(swt) out of His wisdom,
has not bestowed us any children. We have approached medical help (of
course within limits set by Islamic law) and have went through some
treatment options with no success. It is important to know that
although doctors have failed to bring desirable results, they were
unable to conclusively establish the exact reason of not being able to
conceive either. I am in late thirties and my wife is five years
younger than me. We both appear to be in good health. Our medical
tests have yielded reasonable but below average results. Doctors have
administered supportive medication to enhance our chances with no
success. Based on medical results, age factor and medication, our
chances to conceive fall somewhere between 4-5%. Although doctors have
given more medications to my wife than me, that does not mean that she
has any known problem.

Both myself and my wife have discussed this topic in detail and have
submitted ourselves to the will of Allah(swt). We believe that we have
adopted permissible and affordable means to a reasonable extent and
that if Allah(swt) wills, He will grant us children. But if He wills,
to keep us without children, we have no reason to complain.

My parents, however, have a different perspective. They want to see my
children and have my off- springs. I understand, respect and share
their desire but as a mere human I have no more means to fulfill their
desire. I have seen an increased pressure over time and it has
considerably weakened relationship between my wife and my parents.
Both sides have complains against each other. My wife complains from
her perspective for not being treated as a daughter, whereas my
parents keep expressing their desire directly or indirectly. I do my
part to keep things as peaceful as possible but I can not avoid these
situations. Things have started to take new turn and my parents are
increasing pressure of me to re-marry, which indirectly means to
divorce my current wife. Although my parents have not explicitly asked
for divorcing my wife, for me these are equivalent statements.  First
of all I don't consider myself capable of emotionally dealing with
more then one wives simultaneously. Second, it is illegal under US law
to practice polygamy and thirdly, my current wife will not stand this
either. I do not consider it a fair enough reasoning to divorce a
woman especially when she is a good person overall.

I can not argue with my parents out of respect for them and the only
way I am dealing with this situation is to become quiet when they
start this topic (which, by the way, is always a major topic on any of
our conversations). My parents have big rights on me. I do realize
that and as a mere human I am doing all I am capable of doing to keep
them happy. I don't want punishment of Allah(swt) for even saying a
loud word to my parents. But I feel, I am approaching a situation
where I do not know how to deal with the whole thing. My parents are
always tense because of the situation. I want to see them happy. I
pray a lot for them. I don't want to be unfair with my wife either. I
know, it's none of her fault if we are unable to have kids. I have
accepted this as my fate and submitted to the will of Allah(Swt). I
don't want to divorce or remarry. Please give advise in light of Quran
& Sunnah how should I deal with this whole situations and where should
I draw a line between being an obedient son and loving husband.

Answer :

Assalam o Alaikum

Please email this query at alinaam@alinaam.org.za and make it ATT. to Social Dept.

Wassalam  o Alaikum