Question Summary:
please advice what is the islamic rule in these cases

Question Detail:

Q. 1- if wife refuse and not commited with husbend for intercourse and always tell lie, please advice what is the islamic rule.
Q. 2- if wife is not focused with any matter of life with husband and always talk in bad manner. Advice what is the islamic rule

Answer :

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

Assalaamu `alaykum waRahmatullahi Wabarakatuh
 
For a wife to refuse her husband’s rights of having intercourse is a sin; not only is it a sin but it has grave consequences. 
عن أبي هريرة رضي الله عنه قال
  قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه و سلم  إذا دعا الرجل امرأته إلى فراشه فأبت فبات غضبان عليها لعنتها الملائكة حتى تصبح
Rasululah said, “When a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, he then spends the night in anger; the angels curse her till the morning.”
(Bukhari vol 4 p100 Darul Fikr)
 
The above Hadith expresses the serious consequence of the wife’s refusal to allow her husband’s right of intimacy. There are even further implications of such appalling actions; if the wife deprives the husband of his rights, he may find the need to fulfill his desire elsewhere; thus, the wife being the cause of his downfall as well as her own. 
 
أم سلمة تقول  سمعت رسول الله صلى الله عليه و سلم يقول أيما امرأة ماتت و زوجها عنها راض دخلت الجنة
 
Umu Salma says, “I heard Rasululah saying, “Any woman who passes away whilst her husband is pleased with her, she will enter Jannah (paradise).”
(Ibni Maja p133 Qadeemi)
 
The reward the wife receives from Almighty Allah is indeed tremendous for pleasing her husband. Simply keeping her husband happy entitles her to an endless life of absolute bliss and pleasure. In like manner, the husband should also contribute to the interest of their relationship. If the husband has not treated his wife with care and respect, he cannot expect sound treatment from her. For example, if the husband has not paid the Mahr (dower), he has no right to demand intimate relations with his wife.
 
الفصل الحادي عشر في منع المرأة نفسها بمهرها والتأجيل في المهر وما يتعلق بهما  في كل موضع دخل بها أو صحت الخلوة وتأكد كل المهر لو أرادت أن تمنع نفسها لاستيفاء المعجل لها ذلك عنده خلافا لهما
 (Fatawa Hindiya vol1 p317 Rashidiya)
 
ولها منعه من الوطء
 (Durul Mukhtaar vol3 p143 H.M Saeed)
 
At times in marriage, there are misunderstandings. This is a matter that requires both parties -husband and wife- to resolve. The wife may do something that displeases her husband without intending harm, and in turn he may do something that displeases her. This happens when there is poor communication between the spouses. It is therefore imperative to have a relationship of understanding with one’s spouse.
 
عن عائشة قالت قال لى رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم إنى لأعلم إذا كنت عنى راضية وإذا كنت على غضبى  قالت فقلت ومن أين تعرف ذلك قال  أما إذا كنت عنى راضية فإنك تقولين لا ورب محمد وإذا كنت غضبى قلت لا ورب إبراهيم  قالت قلت أجل والله يا رسول الله ما أهجر إلا اسمك
 
Hazrat Aisha says Rasululah said to me, “Indeed I know when you are happy with me and when you are angry with me.” I said, “And how do you know that?” He said, “When you are pleased with me, then you say “No, by the lord of Muhammed”, and when you are displeased with me you say “No, by the lord of Ebrahim.” I said, “Indeed by Allah, oh messenger of Allah, I only leave out your name.” 
 
(Muslim vol.2 p285 Kutub khana Rashidiya)
 
The above is a perfect example of a couple with wonderful understanding. Rasululahصلى الله عليه و سلم knows Hazrat Aishaرضى الله عنها so well that he picks up her displeasure merely by the terminology in her speech. When Rasululah صلى الله عليه و سلم informs her about it, she admits to it. He also brings it to Hazrat Aisha’s رضى الله عنها notice in a pleasant way, calmly, without rage; not in a manner that will annoy her. This is indeed a relationship with great understanding.
If the spouses do not speak of their disagreements or differences and keep it to themselves, it may transpire in bad character (eg. anger), foul language or at times, even in divorce. It is for this reason that it is vitally important to discuss issues that could cause the slightest conflict.
 
Bearing in mind that females are generally more emotional than men, they become more easily annoyed, angry, sad and happy; Almighty Allah has blessed man with patients –a great gift from Allah. It is only with patients that spouses, and man in general, will master the art of marriage and social conduct.
 
عن عائشة قالت  قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه و سلم خيركم خيركم لأهله وأنا خيركم لأهلي
Hazrat Aisha says that Rasululah said, “The best of you are those who are best to his family, and I am best of you to my family.”
(Tirmidhi vol2 p228 H.M Saeed)
 
In conclusion, to attain tranquility in your marriage, be patient, understanding and be ready to overlook the shortcomings of your wife. Most importantly, make sincere dua to Almighty Allah to make your wife the coolness of your eyes.
And Allah knows best
Wassalamu Alaikum
Ml. Zakariyya bin Ahmed,
Student Darul Iftaa
Checked and Approved by:
Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Darul Iftaa, Madrassah In'aamiyyah

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