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personal

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Assalaamu Alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
 

Dear Mufti Ebrahim Desai i hope with your advice Allah The Most Gracious and The Most Merciful will help me,as I am very depressed and confused now.I try to be short.I am a 20 years old muslim girl, a new convert to Islam who is happy to became a muslim.Before I converted to Islam I had a life with full of sins,which I really regreted.Before I converted I met with a pakistani muslim man,we started to dating and unfortunately had sexual intercourse.But later we realized that we felt in love.Now we really love each other and want to turn our relationship to a halaal one,we want to do nikkah but can't.Him family forcing him to marry with him cousin,they gonna marry in this month or had married.Before he said me this bad new I did istikhara namaaz many times (maybe not in the proper way as I didn't know about how to do this exactly,so what I said:Almighty and Most Merciful Allah if it doesn't against your will then help me to marry with ...),firstly i had frightening dreams but before the day when I saw him after a long time I had a so peaceful dream,in this dream he gave me a new hijaab as a present and something else to which I don't remember,he sent them by somebody else as a fiancé gives a present to him fiancée and I was so happy and had a so peaceful feeling,like he never gonna leave me and we gonna be together.Wasn't it a good sign for my guidance seeking prayers?I didn't said about this dream nothing to him,maybe I should said.After this in the evening when he said him family is having the final talk about him marriage I continuously prayed from 9 p.m to 2.30 a.m,then ate and slept and woke up at 4a.m to start praying again.I did 500 times durood for marriage (as I did many times before) and 3 times istikhara namaaz again and as many prayers as my energy alloweded for me.But it didn't worked he said nobody listened to him and he has to marry his cousin who he doesn't love and the girl also doesn't love him.We were both very sad,he said he does this just the sake of her mother as he loves her very much and because he has to obey to him parents,I understand this.I asked him if your marriage don't gonna work then will you marry me he said yes but don't wait for this.then I asked and can't you have two wives he said nobody wants two wives.He also said me he doesn't want to leave me alone so find me a husband,who is him younger brother (for him their parents don't find a wife yet).he said he show my pictures to him younger brother (I don't happy because of this,I didn't know about he made pictures of me and it was before I converted so I weared immoral clothes and make-up) who liked me and asked him:if you can't marry her then can I marry her?my love answered:if she also wants then yes.I don't know nothing about him brother,he said the reason why he advice me to marry him brother is because he knows that him brother is a good man and he wants to know that I am in "good hands".he also said me he gonna give my e-mail adress to him brother so we can know each other and meet (I think it is haraam,isn't it?or if we keep contact or see each other once with the intention of marriage than is it permissible?). So I really confused now:should I still wait for a "miracle" to marry with the man who I love (as he said he gonna marry in this month but didn't said exactly on which day,so maybe he didn't marry yet or should I regard the interesting of him brother as the answer from Allah to my prayers?I still love him but if he married then I gonna accept that it was the will of Allah and I have to step toward to find someone and fulfil my duty to be a wife and a mother.All of this happened 13 days ago,from this time I am waiting for him or him brother's e-mail.I try to be patient and trust him but started to think that he just said me the story of him brother to make me a little bit happier and it isn't true that him brother wants to marry me.I also fear from him brother doesn't like me and do the things just the sake of him.I don't know what to do,I don't want to be alone (I don't have friends and my parents are atheists),I want to be really loved by someone who respects me and in return give him love and muslim kids.Is it a so big desire?I live in a non-muslim country (I don't want to get stucked here as everywhere I look what I see are sins,sins,sins I don't want to live under non-muslim laws) with atheist parents (whom I respect as they are my parents) who don't want to support me in finding a husband for me.I also don't want to look for a husband through the internet "marriage sites",as I think it is haraam and can lead me to sexually hungry men's hands,or isn't it haraam?I also don't know muslim males just him so my only chance to get married is him brother but he doesn't send me an email.There is something else because of I am suffering from:it crossed my mind that maybe the reason why my love can't marry me is because of I wasn't born in a muslim family and he may thinks I am not a "real muslim" (because i converted at home without witnesses and not in a musjid he said i have to do this again in a musjid,but as I know it isn't compulsary and it is difficult as I live in a non-muslim country,and as I know for women it is better to pray at home,I feel I am a muslim as I feel Allah is leading me in the right path and I try to worship in the right way),and I don't speak him mother tongue urdu and arabish and because of it is a shame for him family to marry someone out of the family especially with a white woman.I fear from nobody will want to marry me because of this reasons,i know I have to learn much to be a good muslim and I try to do my best I started to learn urdu and arabish alone without teachers and try to learn The Holy Quaraan but i can't change my origin and skin tone.I don't want to be alone for my whole life,I don't see my future.What shoud I do?I pray five times a day, don't masturbate,eat halaal,don't listen to music and don't watch tv,don't leave home just to go school or shopping,do 500 times duroods daily and istikhara namaaz (now I don't say the name of the man whom I want to marry,I say instead of "the one who you created for me",is it good?)Can I still wait for my love to one day he gonna marry me or for him brother or how can I find a husband for myself in a way which isn't against the Shariah laws.In recent days I saw some  men who I don’t know praying in my dreams,is it means something?can it mean that my love is still praying for marry me?
 

Thank you for your help!!!May Allah The Most Gracious and The Most Merciful bless you for your help and for building this site!!! 
 

Answer :

Assalam o Alaikum Sister,

Since your question is personal in nature please email your question at alinaam@alinaam.org.za with Mufti Saheb's name in subject. InshAllah he will personally attend to it.

Wassalam o Alaikum

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