Question Summary:
is it ok to a have a boyfriend for three years? and can i marry him without knowing my family to just avoid doing something that god didnt told as to do?

Question Detail:

is it ok to a have a boyfriend for three years? and can i marry him without knowing my family to just avoid doing something that god didnt told as to do?

Answer :

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Assalaamu `alaykum waRahmatullahi Wabarakatoh
Jazakillah for writing to the institute.
Sister, I would like you to firstly understand that you are a precious Creation of Allah Ta'ala. You are not just any Creation. You are a Muslim. And better still, a Muslimah. The status granted to you by Allah Ta'ala is very high indeed. Allah Ta'ala has granted you many rights and honour which no human being could ever bestow upon you.  However, it is possible that a human being could erode and dissipate your honor, rights and status. Why do I say this? Allah Ta'ala sent you as a gift to your parents. When you, a baby girl, were born,  there were angles surrounding your parents home, blessing the home and all the inmates of that home.
Your parents were honoured and the angels made dua for you. They made dua for your safety, your health, your upbringing, your future and your honour etc. Allah Ta'ala increased the risq in that home. When a boy is born, there is no fanfare amongst the angels like there is for the girl.
You ask if it is ok to have a boyfriend for three years. No, it is not ok. Not even for one day or part of a day. Can you understand why not? The angels become woeful that this precious Creation of Allah Ta'ala has fallen into the hands of shaitaan, the accursed one. Her modesty, her honour, and her status are being threatened. Allah Ta'ala has meant you to be the wife of someone who will honour you and treasure you the way Allah Ta'ala meant you to be treasured. Only that man who is pious and will take you as his wife with due permission from your parents, deserves you. Allah Ta'ala does not mean for you to be left bereft of your father's protection even  after you are married. Your father has a responsibility to make sure that you are well cared for, loved and protected all your life and not only when you were a little girl. As I mentioned to you earlier, you are precious.
I do not understand why you wish to marry this man without your parent's permission.  What is your reason? If you want to marry this man, introduce him to your parents through his parents. Let them come and seek your  father's permission to marry you to their son. Let it be known that as a Muslimah, you have a family whom you love and that they love you. Marriage is such that it brings two families together. Think about it sister, if you need  their support and help and you also wish to continue your relationship with your parents, will they feel inclined  towards you if you get married without their permission? I take it that since you have written to us, you are having misgivings and doubts. Allah Ta'ala is reaching out to you. You realise that having a boyfriend is totally unacceptable in Islam. It is against Allah Ta'ala's commandments. Make a decision which will benefit you and not be harmful to you. You may write again if you wish to discuss this matter further.
May Allah Ta'ala guide you to remain His obedient servant who is pleased to submit to His will. Ameen.
And Allah knows best
Wassalam
Sister Fadila
Social Dept.
Checked and Approved by:
Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Darul Iftaa, Madrassah In'aamiyyah