Question Summary:
I want to grow my beard as our beloved Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) commanded us. But my wife refuses to let me. The reason is that I am unable to have sexual intercourse with her. This is because of

Question Detail:

Sorry for re-sending my question as I am afraid I did not paste the entire question when I sent it the first time.  In case I didn't paste the whole question, here it is again:           Thanks
 

As-Salam alai kum wa ramatullah.  Please help me with a solution to a major problem I am having. Jaza kum Allah Khairan.
 I want to grow my beard as our beloved Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) commanded us. But my wife refuses to let me. The reason is that I am unable to have sexual intercourse with her.  This is because of an impotency problem that I have. I have consulted many doctors but they can't pin point a solution to my problem.
 

I have been married to my wife for about ten years now. My wife says that she has been  patient with me all this time. She says she has given up the pleasure of sexual intercourse just to stay married with me for ten years. She says she has made such a big sacrifice. The least I can do, she says, as an appreciation and thanks for her, is not to grow a full beard. She says I can keep a small beard (about 2 cms long), but not any longer. She says this is a lesser evil than shaving.
 

My wife has told me that if I disobey her and grow my beard a fist length, she will leave me and take our two children away (I had these two children with her through artificial insemination). According to Islamic law, she is allowed to leave me and Islamically she will get all the rights, as I am impotent and unable to have sexual intercourse with her (i.e. I am at fault.)
 

My wife says that if I can get cured in the future and am able to have sexual intercourse with her, I can then keep a Sharaee length (full) beard. She will not (and islamically cannot) leave me. But until the time I get cured, I must keep my beard trimmed short (about 2 cms) or she will immediately leave me through the Islamic court here in Saudi Arabia.
My wife is a practicing Muslim, Masha Allah, and a good person. She prays five times a day, but she has a problem with a long beard (She is Syrian and most Syrian women have a problem with a man keeping a long (Sharaee length) beard.
 

Please help me with an Islamic solution. I love my two children (two little girls) for Allah, and if my wife leaves me and takes our two little girls away with her to Syria, my children may not end up being good Muslims. This is because I will only be able to visit them occasionally in Syria. My two little children need a Muslim father role model in that semi-western environment (to warn them from watching western TV shows, to order them to dress modestly etc.).  I am afraid that without me, my children will become westernized (although Syria still has some traditional values left.)
 I love my children a lot, and they love me. It will break my and their hearts if we separate.
Please also note that my wife might get extremely disappointed if I choose to grow my beard more (further than the 2 cms it already is). She will feel she has wasted ten years of her life with me when she could have left me and married someone else.  I don't know how she will react-maybe even violently. She might try to cut my beard while I am sleeping! She might even expose me as an impotent man-a person incapable of having sex. She has in the past threatened to do this.
Also my imaan is weak. I have tried to leave trimming my beard in the past but buckled under my wife's pressure and threats. I ended up trimming my beard again. A number of scholars also told me not to break my marriage and family over my beard.  AMJA (American Muslim Jurists Association) scholars, for example, said that I have met the minimum requirements of the beard in Islam (just by having a short one). They said that I should appreciate my wife's incredible patience to live without sex, and keep my beard trimmed. Please note that I promised my wife that I would keep my beard trimmed short as a condition before our marriage.
So, should I follow the sunnah of our beloved Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) and leave my beard to grow to a fist length, but risk breaking up my family? Should I risk the violence and humiliation to me that will follow?  Or, should I keep my beard trimmed short, as it is now (about 2 cms long). In this way, at least I will be able to keep my family together and my two little girls will have a Muslim father role model living with them. Also, I might get cured in the future, and then my wife will have no choice but to submit to me growing a Sharaee length beard. Is it better then to wait, save my marriage and keep the children together with me by continuing to trim my beard short (the lesser of the two evils) until I am in a stronger position to leave it to grow?
Finally, please note that my goal in life is to get to the highest level in paradise, and nothing less.
PS  Please E-mail me the fatwa instead of publishing it as I am afraid my identity will be discovered.
 

 

Jaza kum Allah Kahiran.
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Answer :

Assalāmu `alaikum Warahmatullāhi Wabrakatuh,

We have studied your query and considered the different angles and dimensions of your situation. It is our opinion that your situation will be governed by the rule اهون البليتين (lesser of the two evils). To trim the beard is wrong. Divorce with its implications in your situation will be worse. Hence, if you are compelled to trim your beard, do so and make istighfaar. It is possible your wife seeks to appease or at lease suppress her inner most intimate feelings, through your outward appearance. Hence, her acceptance to allow to your full beard length upon being potent. It is also farz upon you to do whatever it takes to regain your potency. May Allah Taala grant you Aafiyah. Amin.

And Allah Ta'āla Knows Best,
 
Muftī Ebrahim Desai
Daruliftaa
35 Candella Rd, Durban, South Africa
www.daruliftaa.net
 
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