Question Summary:
Are all the relationships of give and take, Does a father get the same reward if he does the wive’s chores; What is the right of grown up children with their own families upon old parent?

Question Detail:

1. In the light of Quran and Sunnah is it a sin (big or small) to utter the following statement
"All relationships in this world among human beings are of give and take, including relationships between parents and children, wife and husband, etc."
Please comment.
2. Islam gives the top position to ones' mother because of so many reasons, she carries them for 9 months, bores them, spends sleepless nights with children, etc. on the other hand these days many fathers as well wake up at night to feed the child, change diapers, prepares lunch for school going childern right after fajr salah, while the mother is asleep, etc. does todays' father derives any good in this world or akhira for his efforts.
3 Parents have so many rights on children , its very clear, what are childrens rights on them especially the grown up children who have their own families. For example a child is in need of help, say because he lost his job or going to school again for higher studies, please comment.

Answer :

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Assalaamu `alaykum waRahmatullahi Wabarakatoh
1)      Children are bound to obey their parents in all matters. However, parents will have to understand the capability of their children and nurture them accordingly. Sometimes parents give in to the demands of their children to strike a balance and keep them happy. If the parents keep on nagging the child, they will break the spirit and morale of the child which will affect him/her as they progress with life. A husband and wife relation is more of a mutual understanding. Sometimes the husband has to give in to the wife and vise versa. In order to maintain a harmonious marital relation the concept of “give and take” will certainly feature.
2)      Previously, these chores were considered to be the duty of the wife. The elders were strict on this principle and those who helped their wives in this regard were branded. This practice has changed through the phasing of time and nowadays husbands assist their wives. Although the father cannot reach the status of a mother, the husband will certainly be rewarded for his assistance. Furthermore, it was the Sunnah practice of Rasulullah ( sallallahu alayhi wasallam ) to assist with household chores.
3)      A parent is responsible to support his male offspring until the age of maturity. Once the child becomes mature, the parent should advise the child to earn a living and continue with his life. However, it is the generosity of parents that they still continue to serve their child until they become self sufficient. The children should acknowledge the Ihsaan (favour) of their parents and express their gratitude to them for this. It is not the responsibility of the parent to pay for the college fees of the child. Alternatively, the child may ask the parents to advance a loan to him for his studies and he will repay them once he begins to earn.
And Allah knows best
Wassalam
Mufti Mohammad Zakariyyah Desai,
Checked and Approved by:
Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Darul Iftaa, Madrassah In'aamiyyah