Question Summary:
My nikah was done in a mosque about 4 months back and the Rukhsati is due later this year. I belong to a typical South Asian Family in Pakistan where celebrations like dholki, mayoon, mehndi, shaadi are rampant in the culture.Please inform me of the correct way to go about, and what area i should be flexible or slightly accommodating in my demands?

Question Detail:

I seek your advice on an important matter regarding my wedding celebrations. My nikah was done in a mosque about 4 months back and the Rukhsati is due later this year. I belong to a typical South Asian Family in Pakistan where celebrations like dholki, mayoon, mehndi, shaadi are rampant in the culture. The girl's family is also alike. However, even though i do not consider myself as a practicing Muslim, my level of knowledge and preferences are based on shariah relatively (I say this without pride). The issue is that the girl's family plan to do all sorts of cultural celebrations which I am going to object. I have requested my parents to conduct the marriage exactly according to Islam but they did not respond favoribly. I am now thinking to talk directly to my parents-in law about this that there should be no celebration of this sort whatsoever on your side. However, the truth is that they will at least give the Shaadi / wedding feast during rukhsati which is quite common, and that too is a target hard to achieve for me that they only do Shadi celebration leaving out the rest mayun dholki mehndi etc. I also wish to tell them that there should be no common stage for bride and groom where all family members regardless of their sexes sit together for a family group photo. Lastly, I wish to tell them strictly that the girl's jewellery and the girl herself shouldnt be an object of display as this leads to the bride displaying her upper part of the bosom including neck and the part below it for exhibition of jewelery. I am going to face stiff resistance and possibly some hot steam will be generated. Please inform me of the correct way to go about, and what area i should be flexible or slightly accommodating in my demands? My parents cant take the stance, however, I can. JazakAllah for your invaluable service.

Answer :

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Assalaamu `alaykum waRahmatullahi Wabarakatuh
You should discuss the issue with your parents as well as your in-laws with utmost clemency and diplomacy. However, at the same time you should remain firm on your stance in abiding by the injunctions of the Shar'iah. The customary practices you have mentioned are definitely disliked and prohibited by the Shar’iah. Islam discourages following rituals and imitating non-Muslims in their ways and practices. You should try your level best to influence the mind of your parents and in-laws into following the Sunnah manner of marriage. You should attempt to speak to them sensibly and present before them all of your rationale for wanting to abandon such customary practices. You can mention that primarily, these practices are contrary to the religion of Islam and resemble the traditions of the Hindus. Rasulullah صلى الله عليه و سلم mentioned that whoever imitates a nation will be considered among them. Furthermore, hosting such functions leads to unnecessary extravagance and prodigality where a large sum of money is wasted. Allah Ta’ala discourages and prohibits squander. He mentions the following verse in the Holy Quran,
يَا بَنِي آَدَمَ خُذُوا زِينَتَكُمْ عِنْدَ كُلِّ مَسْجِدٍ وَكُلُوا وَاشْرَبُوا وَلَا تُسْرِفُوا إِنَّهُ لَا يُحِبُّ الْمُسْرِفِينَ
 “O children of Adam, take on your adornment at every mosque. Eat and drink and do not be extravagant. Surely, He does not like the extravagant.” (7:31)
In addition, regardless of what the occasion might be, the Shar’iah explicitly prohibits intermingling of sexes. Allah Ta’ala states,
قُلْ لِلْمُؤْمِنِينَ يَغُضُّوا مِنْ أَبْصَارِهِمْ وَيَحْفَظُوا فُرُوجَهُمْ ذَلِكَ أَزْكَى لَهُمْ إِنَّ اللَّهَ خَبِيرٌ بِمَا يَصْنَعُونَ
“Tell the believers to lower their gazes and safeguard their privates. That is purer for them. Verily Allah is all-Aware with what they do.”
Rasulullah صلى الله عليه و سلم also states, “An (illicit) gaze is a poisoned arrowed from among the arrows of Iblees.”
النظرة سهم من سهام إبليس مسمومة
Moreover, the formal display of your bride to onlookers invites the wrath and curse of Allah Ta’ala. Rasulullah صلى الله عليه و سلم has stated in another Hadith, “Every eye (that casts a glance upon a non-Mahram with lust) is adulterous and when a woman applies perfume and passes by a gathering then she is like this and that i.e. adulterous.”
عن أبي موسى : عن النبي صلى الله عليه و سلم قال كل عين زانية والمرأة إذا استعطرت فمرت بالمجلس فهي كذا وكذا يعني زانية
The Shar'iah necessitates concealment of women from the gazes of strangers and prohibits their public display. You should remain firm against any actions that necessitate an infringement of the injunctions of the Shar'iah. How can one expect a marriage to be full of blessings and Barakah if so many of the laws of Allah Ta’ala are breached?
If your in-laws insist on hosting the so-called “Shadi,” you could be somewhat flexible considering the fact that marriages are joyous occasions as long as the above impermissible acts do not take place. However, you should try to reconcile with them by considering this invitation as the Walimah which is an established Sunnah of Rasulullah صلى الله عليه و سلم .
It is most encouraging to see your attitude towards conducting an acceptable Shar’i marriage. May Allah assist you in your efforts and keep you steadfast in your objective. Ameen.
And Allah knows best
Wassalam
Ml. Yusuf bin Yaqub,
Student Darul Iftaa
Checked and Approved by:
Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Darul Iftaa, Madrassah In'aamiyyah