Question Summary:
she is forcing for a talaq and she is going for a fasagh. What can I (the husband) do or what is my rights? Is the fasagh revokable?

Question Detail:

My wife and i have been married for almost 11 years with 3 children. Two years back she had sexual relations with my cousin and she told me about it. I love my wife very much and we forgot about it. Last year she had an affair with a friend and resulted in a pregnancy (about 3months now).  I'm not prepared to talaq her for the sake of our children. I told her she's the one who did the deed and she must repent, but i'm human and it really makes me sick. I cant forget about it. It plays on me every day. The man involved left our region and is living somewhere else.

Now she is forcing for a talaq and she is going for a fasagh. What can I (the husband) do or what is my rights? Is the fasagh revokable?

Answer :

Assalaamu `alaykum waRahmatullahi Wabarakatoh
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
We appreciate your contacting us for advice regarding you dilemma.  We are sorry to read about your plight and the distress it is causing you.  May Allah make it easy on you.  The issuing of Talaq is a grave matter and should not be done hastily, instead it should be considered thoroughly.  You mentioned that you still love you wife and  do not wish to part from her.   Advice her gently about the mistake that she made in the past and in future both will try to live a righteous life.  Encourage her to repent for her sins and to turn towards the mercy of Allah.  With true repentance Allah will forgive her sins.  By creating the awareness of Allah and the Deen of Allah in her life, Inshallah her habits will change.
Although the issuing of Talaq is permissible in Shariah, Allah Ta’ala has made it the last resort in a dispute.  Allah Ta’ala advices in the Qur’an:
الرِّجَالُ قَوَّامُونَ عَلَى النِّسَاءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ اللَّهُ بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَى بَعْضٍ وَبِمَا أَنْفَقُوا مِنْ أَمْوَالِهِمْ فَالصَّالِحَاتُ قَانِتَاتٌ حَافِظَاتٌ لِلْغَيْبِ بِمَا حَفِظَ اللَّهُ وَاللَّاتِي تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَاهْجُرُوهُنَّ فِي الْمَضَاجِعِ وَاضْرِبُوهُنَّ فَإِنْ أَطَعْنَكُمْ فَلَا تَبْغُوا عَلَيْهِنَّ سَبِيلًا إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيًّا كَبِيرًا (34) وَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ شِقَاقَ بَيْنِهِمَا فَابْعَثُوا حَكَمًا مِنْ أَهْلِهِ وَحَكَمًا مِنْ أَهْلِهَا إِنْ يُرِيدَا إِصْلَاحًا يُوَفِّقِ اللَّهُ بَيْنَهُمَا إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيمًا خَبِيرًا
Men have charge over women (as their overseers, guardians, protectors) because of the virtue Allah has bestowed some of you over others and because of what (men) spend (on women) from their wealth.  So the righteous women are obedient (to Allah and to their husbands by protecting their chastity, dignity, and wealth) and in the absence (of their husbands) are protective (of their chastity and their husband’s wealth) because of that (those rights of women) which Allah has protected (by instructing men to provide for and to treat their wives kindly.  Therefore just as Allah has safeguarded her rights, she should fulfill the rights she owes to her husband.)  As for those (wives) whose disobedience fears you, advice them; (if fail, then) separate your bed from theirs (within the same house) and (in extreme circumstances) rap them (gently, without injuring them, without striking the face and without leaving any marks on the body.)  If they obey you then do not look for a way against them (do not look for excuse to oppress them or to wrongfully accuse them.)  Verily Allah is Most High. The Greatest.  If you fear that the couple may separate, then appoint (with consent) a mediator from this family and a mediator from her family.  If they (the mediators) both desire reconciliation, Allah will create unity between the couple (if this is best for them).  Verily Allah is All Knowing, Informed.
From the above ayahs, the Qur’an teaches us the method of how to deal with disputes that occur in family issues.  First one should advice her gently and explain to her in the best manner.  If not, then separate the beds from theirs.  In extreme circumstance, one may admonish her gently.   If the situation is even grave so much so that talks of separation have taken place, then they should appoint a mediator from both families to resolve this.  If afterwards they still feel like that it will not be possible to stay in the company of each other, then one may resort to Talaq.  Inshallah, by following advice of the Qur’an there will be barakah in the outcome.
As regards to her going for fasakh, Shairah has given the right of divorce to the husband.  The wife can ask for a faskh in extreme situations where the wife is being oppressed by the husband.  If she is not being oppressed in anyway then she will not have the right to faskh.  We advice you to turn toward Allah and supplicate to Him that this matter be resolved in the best manner.
And Allah knows best
Wassalam
Ml. Ehzaz Ajmeri,
Student Darul Iftaa
Checked and Approved by:
Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Darul Iftaa, Madrassah In'aamiyyah