Question Summary:
I have had many disagreements with my wife and would like to know if I should issue a divorce? Question Detail:
I have a marriage problem due to which i wish to get separated from my wife.
Problem : I got married 4 months back. I have dependent parents and 2 dependent younger brothers. Soon after marriage my wife started to dominate my parents and raise her voice against them most of the time even in my presence. She does not want me to give my salary to my parents. She wants to buy a separate house and does not want to stay with them.
Though she is working I have never enquired about her salary nor have my parents ask her to accompany them to do house hold work. Instead they tried keeping her like their own daughter. Now she is gone back to her parents and told wrong things about me and my parents which has hurt me and my parents a lot.
She even told her parents and their relatives that come home late at night by 1:30 pm and be with girls till then. She then said that after coming home I stay with my mother for an hour and then enter our room which is totally wrong. Allah knows best regarding the reality.
She even back bit me and my family to my friends and their wives. Soon after 2 months of marriage she started complaining about my sisters and others that my parents are looting my salary by keeping me in dark which is totally not true. We had a few debts to be paid as our parents and grandmother had been to Haj and soon after Haj we had our marriage. It will take some time to settle our debts which she is not ready to understand instead does not like me giving my salary to my family so that they can clear our their debt.
There are so many other things which she did which I cannot discuss with you. Now I have come to a conclusion to get separated. I thought of performing istakharah before taking any decision.
We ( me and my parents ) have observed istakharah for 4 days and 2nd day I got a dream which I felt was against my wife and was satisfied with my decision after making 4 days of Istakharah. I cannot live with a girl who has told wrong and bad about me and my parents to others.
I wanted to check if my decision of giving her a talaaq is right. My parents are very worried by thinking even if she comes back she might have a bad intention, my parents health is worrying me more than anything. As I am the eldest son of my family My only dream was to take care of my parents and my younger brothers till my death and I do not wish to get separated from by family or dint wish to stay in other house.
Request you to please help/suggest.
Answer :
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In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
We refer to your email received via the Askimam.org website on September 22nd 2011.
When a person embarks upon any new task, the initial stages are always challenging. Marriage is no different. Majority of newlyweds have complexities in the first couple of months. The husband and wife have to compromise a lot to make things work at first. Two individuals from different backgrounds and lifestyles have come together. There will certainly be issues upon which both agree and disagree.
You stated “There are so many things which she did which I cannot discuss with you.” In addition, you have been making istikharah and your parents seem resolute upon you issuing a divorce. It seems you have already set your mind upon issuing a divorce and now seek a Shar’i backing.
Never be hasty or act upon emotions in such a state. Allah Ta’ala placed the head above the heart. When there is a clash of intellect and emotion, give preference to the intellect Allah Ta’ala has bestowed you with. We make decisions with the intellect and not with emotions. We advise you to refer to a local scholar or an unbiased family member to offer you appropriate advice.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Mawlana Faraz Ibn Adam,
Student Darul Iftaa
UK
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
www.daruliftaa.net
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