Question Summary:
1) Giving talaq (divorce) in the absence of one’s wife: is it valid? 2) What is the procedure for observing iddat? 3) How much and for how long do I need to pay for my son’s expenses?

Question Detail:

As there were some problems between me and my wife, due to anger, I told my mother-in-law on the phone thrice that I give talaq to your daughter. When I said these words, I was alone at my home and my wife did not hear the same. But later, I sent a message to my wife’s phone stating thrice that I give talaq to her, which she read.
1) Please advise as per Shariah if this talaq is valid.
2) If this talaq is valid, please advise me about the iddat procedure.
3) My wife is a working woman in India and 5 years old son going to school. Advise as per shariah for how many months and how much I have to pay.

Answer :

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In the Name of Allāh, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

1) Yes, three talaqs came into effect when you told your mother-in-law on the phone thrice that you give talaq to her daughter. It is not necessary for one’s wife to be present or for her to listen to the words of talaq for the talaq to be valid.
(Fatawa Rahimiyah: 8/266, Darul Isha’at)
Hence, your talaq is valid and you are no longer husband and wife. You cannot marry her again unless she marries someone else and after consummation of the marriage takes place, she happens to get separated from her husband due to his death or divorce.

2) When a woman is divorced, she must observe iddat for 3 complete menstruations if she is not pregnant. If she is pregnant, her iddat will be till she gives birth. If she has reached menopause, her iddat will be for 3 months.
Your wife’s iddat started when you uttered the aforementioned words on the phone.
During the iddat period, your wife has to live in that very house where she received the divorce. If she stays in the same house as you during her iddat, you should place a partition between you and her. You cannot interact with her as a husband would with his wife. If there is fear of fitna, you should stay elsewhere during this period or you should let another reliable woman stay in the house who will prevent any fitna from happening. If you do not do so and your wife fears fitna, she may go elsewhere to observe her iddat.
During the iddat, she is not allowed to leave the house. Similarly, she is not allowed to beautify herself, such as by: applying lipstick, make-up, henna, perfume or oil to the head; wearing jewellery and colourful, attractive clothes; combing her hair unnecessarily and in an attractive manner, etc. Also, during the iddat, she cannot get married to anyone.
You are responsible for providing food, clothing and shelter to her until the end of her iddat.
(Fatawa Hindiyya: 1/552; Al-Ikhtiyar: 2/202-210; Fatawa Mahmudiya: 13/390; Bahishti Zewar: 1/475,479, 484)

3) Your wife will have the right of custody over the child until he reaches the age of seven. She will, however, forfeit the right of custody if she marries someone who is not a mahram relative of the child. After your wife, her mother has the right of custody over the child.
After your son reaches seven years of age, you may take him from her.
You are responsible for paying for all the expenses (such as food, clothing and shelter) that will be borne in order to bring up your son until he reaches the age of puberty. The amount will, of course, vary from case to case. This is if your son does not have wealth of his own. If he has wealth of his own, you may pay for his expenses using his own wealth. Your wife, nonetheless, is not responsible for paying for his expenses regardless of whether she works or not.
(Fatawa Mahmudiya: 13/567, 573, 467; Bahishti Zewar: 1/489; Raddul Muhtaar: 5/345)
Also note that irrespective of whoever has custody of the child, the other parent has visitation rights, which should be arranged with mutual understanding. We encourage both you and your child’s mother to do tawba for your past actions and to be tolerant towards each other. Do not let emotions get in the way of proper upbringing of your child. Do not use the child against each other. The interest of the child should be put ahead of everything else.

And Allāh knows best.
Ml. Faizal Riza
Melbourne, Australia
Concurred by:
Muftī Abrar Mirza
Chicago, IL (USA)
Under the Supervision of Muftī Ebrahim Desai (South Africa)