Question Summary:
Is it Islamic for a muslim woman to rain curses or abuse her husband whenever they have argument?

Question Detail:

Is it Islamic for a muslim woman to rain curses or abuse her husband whenever they have argument?  though the cause of the argument was injustice done by the husband. If it is'nt what are the implication.

Answer :

Assalāmu `alaikum Warahmatullāhi Wabrakatuh,
Jazakallah for writing to us. Your questions has two very important aspects to it. Firstly injustice by the husband and  secondly the wife’s curses upon the husband.
Brother, you have to understand that Allah Ta’ala created the institution of marriage to promote harmony, peace and love amongst mankind. Marriage is supposed to bring about the greatest amount of understanding, harmony and tranquility in the couple’s lives and thereby in society as a whole. As Allah Ta’ala states in the Quran, that a couple  are a garment unto each other. What does a garment do for a human being? It beautifies, it covers, it gives warmth in winter and coolness in summer, it protects from the elements and the sun and it is also comforting to the eyes to see one dressed in pleasant  garments.  When we tear the garment asunder by not keeping it clean, by scraping it and destroying it with barbed wires, dirty coal, sand and dirt; when we don’t care to iron, wash or renew it when it gets torn or worn out, do we expect that the garment is going to be pleasing to us? We are the ones who have to make the effort to cherish the garment we love if we wish to go on owning and wearing. The only other options would then be to discard or reject the garment if we don’t care for it.
Likewise, in  marriage, each spouse is expected to treat the other with kindness, tolerance, patience and respect. It is not a one way street where only one spouse does the loving, giving, respecting and the other spouse is abusive, impatient and even unjust. The spouses have to take each other’s rights, responsibilities, needs, shortcoming and personal situation into account. It may just happen that one spouse may not be able to fulfill his/her spouse’s needs or rights every time. This calls for lots of give and take, depending on the situation, each one’s health, both physical and mental and also the prevailing conditions at any given time. For instance, if one spouse is ill, it means that the other spouse may have to take on the duties of the sick spouse, cook,  clean and attend to the children. A husband may have to take on his wives chores and make a meal for the children. A wife may have to cancel an appointment or even a family holiday  because her husband is ill. (These are just examples of the types of compromises and assistance the couple have to give to each other).
Being abusive towards a partner is unacceptable and uncalled for. Injustice towards any human being is a major sin. Allah Ta’ala accepts the curses and duas of an oppressed person, even if that oppressed is a non-Muslim who curses a Muslim.
As long as the curse is against an oppressor  is justified, the curse is accepted. As Muslims it is better not to curse our oppressors but to rather seek to solve the problem if at all possible. It is better to forgive and to seek a settlement by bringing in the elders in the family to help reconcile the couple and deal with disputes in the marriage. Allah Ta’ala’ loves it when couples work through their differences. Shaitaan is the only one who is pleased and who gains the most when there is disharmony in the home
However, the oppressor has to take responsibility for his evil deed of oppressing.  There is no justification for oppressing anybody, least of all the oppression of one’s wife who is to be truly protected by her husband. Allah Ta’ala did not grant a man somebody else’s daughter to be abused and oppressed. The man will most definitely be held to account on the day of Qiyamah and the oppressed wife will be able to demand revenge. May Allah Ta’ala grant you both the ability to deal with your problems in a mature and responsible way. May  understanding and love prevail in your home, ameen.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Sister Fadila,
B.A. (Sociology & Psychology) Unisa.
Social Work (NDP) Unisa.
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