Question Summary:
I was kind of with this guy for 5 years and now he’s gone off and getting married to another girl who turns out to be my own friend…. Question Detail:
I’m in a dilemma. I was kind of with this guy for 5 years and now he’s gone off and getting married to another girl who turns out to be my own friend. I know it’s not her fault as she didn’t really know but I’m still very upset and hurt. We were not married but at the same time we never use to talk or do anything haram. He’s a really good guy, very pious and Allah-fearing, and we never use to do anything wrong coz of the fear of Allah. Before everything, the guy also did an istikhara for about a week and it came out to be positive and that he should go for it and he also consulted some big ulamas over here who said he should walk on the istikhara and go for it. I didn’t use to talk to him properly either because I knew we weren’t allowed to talk before marriage, I was doing something for the fear of Allah and it turns out to be my own disadvantage. I know there is no point in crying now and I just do sabr and turn to Allah and make dua. I just want to get him out of my heart now and pray that Allah gives me someone more pious, loving and someone who will take better care of me asap, I feel know that the only way to get him out of my head is if I get married to someone else but that is not in my hands. I’m not after looks, wealth or anything, just that he was very pious, I’m after the deen so maybe I can become influenced and get closer to Allah. Everything that happened, happened for the fear of Allah, he done istikhara and everything, so why disadvantage to me. I know we plan, and Allah plans, and he is the best of planners but I do believe he was the best for me in all ways.
Also, I have decided to stop talking to my friend because I know that every time that I will now talk to her I will be reminded of him, and that is the last thing that I want. I want to take him completely away from my heart and move on and find someone else. Obviously I make dua but do you think I should tell her why I don’t want to talk to her, but this would mean mentioning the guy and telling her about our 5year story but he has said that please do not mention anything to her about him. But I feel this is the best thing to do and I want to sort things out with her properly. Jzk.
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In the name of Allāh, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Assalāmu ῾alaykum wa Rahmatullāhi Wabarakātuh
Alhamdullilah we are very pleased to see your great enthusiasm and zeal for the quest of Ilm Deen (knowledge). It is only the true sign of the sweetness of Imaan within your heart urging you to further learn the relics of our Deen.
However we would like to share few advices with you which would be a means of comfort and solace;
You should not feel distressed and heart broken by being deprived of studying Ilm Deen. Just by having the qualities of an upright, chaste, and a pious woman, Inshallah you would be from amongst the pious and selected servants of Allah Ta’ala.
Never take your father’s decision in a negative sense, rather take it to be in light of full wisdom. A Religious father would always part useful and effective advice to his children.
Becoming an Alima is not incumbent; rather it is important to practice upon the knowledge you have acquired thus far. If you would glimpse through the pages of history you would find that the wives of Nabi Sallalahu Allaihi Wassallam and the wives of the Sahaaba Radiyallahu Anhum had reached high and lofty stages just by bearing hardships and true obedience to Allah Ta’ala. Bear in mind that not all the Sahaaba had the opportunity of becoming Ulama and Fuqaha, despite that Allah Ta’ala had granted them the title of Radiyallahu Anhum Waraduan (They are pleased with Allah And Allah is pleased with them); what could be greater than having achieved the happiness of Allah Ta’ala with guarantee in the world. Inshallah if you would follow the examples of these pious and extraordinary women, Allah Ta’ala would make you from amongst them. Ameen
Hence we would advise you to be punctual on your 5 Salaah, recitations of the Holy Quraan, Tasbeeh Faatimi after every salaah, assisting your mum in the daily household chores etc; and in your free time you should read the books of the pious and illustrious scholars of Islam, like Behisti Zewar of Moulana Ashraf Ali Thanvi and the Fadaail Amaal of Hadrat Sheikh Zakariya Rahimahumullahu rahmataw waasiatan and many other reliable authors.
Hereunder is a link to the daily wazaaif which should be read;
http://www.askimam.org/fatwa/fatwa.php?askid=26daab186cb4c3faf06d19a85aa07b55
Consider linking yourself up to a reliable spiritual mentor of your choice by taking bay’at (pledge of allegiance) at his hands, and taking all advices from him; by doing so, you would be under the spiritual tutorship and umbrella of our pious servants of Allah Ta’ala.
We make Dua to Allah Ta’ala that He accepts you for the service of his Deen and grants you a pious (Allah Conscious) husband. Ameen
And Allāh Ta῾āla Knows Best
Wassalāmu ῾alaykum
Ml. Luqman Hansrot,
Student Dārul Iftā
Checked and Approved by:
Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Dārul Iftā, Madrasah In῾āmiyyah
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