Question Summary:
I want to get married but due to Indian culture I am unable to do so. Question Detail:
Asalaam wu Alaikum my Dear brothers in islam.
I wanted to talk about Marriage when and the correct timings to be able to do so.
I am a 18 Year old male living in the UK - Alhamduliallah i do pray through the grace of Allah azawajal and mercy I have been out in the Path of Allah(Effort of Tableegh) Many times including 40 days to consecutive 3 days as well as quite a few 10 days.
I wanted to know could i get married at this age but the thing is the mentality of Asian Parents nowadays is quite backwards in my opinion due to them thinking marriage is all about having kids at 30-40. Whereas i have learnt that The Prophet Muhammad S.A.W said Marry if you able to do so if not then keep fasts surely it is a shield (To the nearest meaning) Obviously i refer back to this at times but i always wonder i don't want to get involved with other girls by whatever means at a young age since that would lead to Unlawful Sexual Intercouse and much other things of course that follow up to that.
Sometimes i think to myself i want to control myself since surely that is more rewardful but my Parents mentality is completely weird and i hate it in my opinion since i cannot even possibly hope to talk to them about it since it is embarassing and awkward as to they will not know what i mean.
The purpose of marriage is to fulfil ones Carnal desires which Allah swt has created man with but i don't know really...
I don't want to masterbate nor do i want to sin with girls unlawfully since doing Zina is really easy in this modern society. At the end of the day i care for my Aahkhirah and i want to soley please Allah Azawajal and follow the footsteps of Prophet Muhammad SAW. Obviously if i work and earn money could i get married that way but i really don't know, it's quite disheartening and painful.
I hate the Carnal desire in myself sometimes i wish i could cut it out of my body.
Please could you give me some advice as to how and when i should get married, Understanding my "Weird in my opinion" Mentality of my parents as well as to refrain from sin with girls. Please give me some wise words that may refer to my situation or as to how i can deal with it or remain firm and strong.
After all i wanted to be under the Arsh's shade on the Day of judgement but it hurts deep down.
Answer :
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
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It is pleasing to note your desire to safeguard your chastity and abstain from sin. You are in the prime of your youth. If you wish to secure yourself a place under the Arsh(throne) of Allah on the day of Qiyamah, consider the following hadith,
سَبْعَةٌ يُظِلُّهُمُ اللَّهُ فِي ظِلِّهِ، يَوْمَ لاَ ظِلَّ إِلَّا ظِلُّهُ: الإِمَامُ العَادِلُ، وَشَابٌّ نَشَأَ فِي عِبَادَةِ رَبِّهِ، وَرَجُلٌ قَلْبُهُ مُعَلَّقٌ فِي المَسَاجِدِ، وَرَجُلاَنِ تَحَابَّا فِي اللَّهِ اجْتَمَعَا عَلَيْهِ وَتَفَرَّقَا عَلَيْهِ، وَرَجُلٌ طَلَبَتْهُ امْرَأَةٌ ذَاتُ مَنْصِبٍ وَجَمَالٍ، فَقَالَ: إِنِّي أَخَافُ اللَّهَ، وَرَجُلٌ تَصَدَّقَ، أَخْفَى حَتَّى لاَ تَعْلَمَ شِمَالُهُ مَا تُنْفِقُ يَمِينُهُ، وَرَجُلٌ ذَكَرَ اللَّهَ خَالِيًا فَفَاضَتْ عَيْنَاهُ "
Translation: 'There are seven whom Allah will shade in His shade on the day on which there is no shade except His shade: a just ruler, a youth who has been brought up in the worship of Allah (i.e. worships Allah sincerely from childhood), a man whose heart is attached to the mosques (i.e. to pray the compulsory prayers in the mosque in congregation), two persons who love each other only for Allah's sake and they meet and part in Allah's cause only, a man who refuses the call of a charming woman of noble birth for illicit intercourse with her and says: I am afraid of Allah, a man who gives charitable gifts so secretly that his left hand does not know what his right hand has given (i.e. nobody knows how much he has given in charity), and a person who remembers Allah in seclusion and his eyes are then flooded with tears.
Take note of the two persons in the Hadith, the youth who nurtures himself in the worship of Allah Ta’āla and the person who is seduced and says, I fear Allah Ta’āla.
The biological change in you is natural and the feelings to fulfil your carnal desires is natural and normal. Indeed, the rightful avenue to fulfil your desires is marriage. Take note of the following Hadith,
يَا مَعْشَرَ الشَّبَابِ مَنِ اسْتَطَاعَ مِنْكُمُ البَاءَةَ فَلْيَتَزَوَّجْ، وَمَنْ لَمْ يَسْتَطِعْ فَعَلَيْهِ بِالصَّوْمِ فَإِنَّهُ لَهُ وِجَاءٌ
0 young men, those among you who can support a wife should marry, for it restrains eyes (from casting evil glances) and preserves one from immorality; but he who cannot afford It should observe fast for it is a means of controlling the sexual desire.
Kindly note of the first word of Rasulullah Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam after addressing the youth, that a person who has the ability…
It is clear from this Hadith that one needs to have a certain ability to marry. That refers to the financial ability to provide shelter clothe and maintain the wife. If one does not have the financial ability to maintain his wife and he marries just to be able to fulfil his carnal desires, he might end up with a greater burden than dealing with merely containing his carnal desires. You should not come out of the pot to the frying pan. Think deep and think carefully.
Your parents have passed the age and challenges you face. They are aware of your internal feelings. Some parents do not discuss carnal related issues with their children openly out of shame and modesty. That does not mean they don’t understand you. Appreciate the fact that they love you and care for you. They have mental maturity through the experiences of life that you do not have. Value them and draw from their experiences and wisdom of life.
You are young. Concentrate on your studies and create a goal and target for yourself. Work hard towards your goal and create the ability in you to marry. Once you have the ability to marry and look after a wife, you may discuss your intention to marry with your parents at that stage. If need be, seek the intervention of appropriate people to intervene on your behalf.
Until then, be steadfast in safeguarding your Imaan and chastity. Abstain from all such avenues that will spur and jolt your desires. Adopt the company of pious people and friends and make dua Allah Ta’āla keep you steadfast on Imaan and grant you His special shade on the day of Qiyamah.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Huzaifah Deedat
Student Darul Iftaa
Lusaka, Zambia
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
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صحيح البخاري- دار طوق النجاة (1/ 133)
حَدَّثَنَا مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ بَشَّارٍ بُنْدَارٌ، قَالَ: حَدَّثَنَا يَحْيَى، عَنْ عُبَيْدِ اللَّهِ، قَالَ: حَدَّثَنِي خُبَيْبُ بْنُ عَبْدِ الرَّحْمَنِ، عَنْ حَفْصِ بْنِ عَاصِمٍ، عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ، عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَالَ: " سَبْعَةٌ يُظِلُّهُمُ اللَّهُ فِي ظِلِّهِ، يَوْمَ لاَ ظِلَّ إِلَّا ظِلُّهُ: الإِمَامُ العَادِلُ، وَشَابٌّ نَشَأَ فِي عِبَادَةِ رَبِّهِ، وَرَجُلٌ قَلْبُهُ مُعَلَّقٌ فِي المَسَاجِدِ، وَرَجُلاَنِ تَحَابَّا فِي اللَّهِ اجْتَمَعَا عَلَيْهِ وَتَفَرَّقَا عَلَيْهِ، وَرَجُلٌ طَلَبَتْهُ امْرَأَةٌ ذَاتُ مَنْصِبٍ وَجَمَالٍ، فَقَالَ: إِنِّي أَخَافُ اللَّهَ، وَرَجُلٌ تَصَدَّقَ، أَخْفَى حَتَّى لاَ تَعْلَمَ شِمَالُهُ مَا تُنْفِقُ يَمِينُهُ، وَرَجُلٌ ذَكَرَ اللَّهَ خَالِيًا فَفَاضَتْ عَيْنَاهُ "
صحيح البخاري- دار طوق النجاة (7/ 3)
حَدَّثَنَا عُمَرُ بْنُ حَفْصٍ، حَدَّثَنَا أَبِي، حَدَّثَنَا الأَعْمَشُ، قَالَ: حَدَّثَنِي إِبْرَاهِيمُ، عَنْ عَلْقَمَةَ، قَالَ: كُنْتُ مَعَ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ، فَلَقِيَهُ عُثْمَانُ بِمِنًى، فَقَالَ: يَا أَبَا عَبْدِ الرَّحْمَنِ إِنَّ لِي إِلَيْكَ حَاجَةً فَخَلَوَا، فَقَالَ عُثْمَانُ: هَلْ لَكَ يَا أَبَا عَبْدِ الرَّحْمَنِ فِي أَنْ نُزَوِّجَكَ بِكْرًا، تُذَكِّرُكَ مَا كُنْتَ تَعْهَدُ؟ فَلَمَّا رَأَى عَبْدُ اللَّهِ أَنْ لَيْسَ لَهُ حَاجَةٌ إِلَى هَذَا أَشَارَ إِلَيَّ، فَقَالَ: يَا عَلْقَمَةُ، فَانْتَهَيْتُ إِلَيْهِ وَهُوَ يَقُولُ: أَمَا لَئِنْ قُلْتَ ذَلِكَ، لَقَدْ قَالَ لَنَا النَّبِيُّ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: «يَا مَعْشَرَ الشَّبَابِ مَنِ اسْتَطَاعَ مِنْكُمُ البَاءَةَ فَلْيَتَزَوَّجْ، وَمَنْ لَمْ يَسْتَطِعْ فَعَلَيْهِ بِالصَّوْمِ فَإِنَّهُ لَهُ وِجَاءٌ
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