Question Summary:
I think my wife is having an affair. What should I do?

Question Detail:

I am one of your Muslim brother need some help and suggestions according to Islamic Shariah. It will help me to take some important decision about my life and marriage life. I want to follow the Islam but I doesn't have enough knowledge about this issues. Here bellow I am giving a short summary of my problems . . . . I got married nearly one and three month and it's a arrange marriage. I am from Bangladesh & my wife is British Bangladeshi (born & brought up in London).
Our family Islamic believe and culture almost same. I did Estekhara several times before our marriage but didn't feel or found anything negative. Like any other Muslim married couple we also started our journey with all good hope. My wife, she also showed same interest. At first couple of days I found that I am having problem to have sex. I was get frustrated and then went to GP to discuss about my problem. GP told me its natural and to make sure they went through some test and nothing found unusual. They told my problem is called premature ejaculation. They also told it's natural & completely curable but it can take up to 2-3 years to become normal. Then they send me GUM Clinic and Bart Hospital for further discussions & treatment. NHS is very very busy and I got my first appointment after 6 and half month later for just consultations. By the time I informed my wife and seems she was known about this type of problems and she was accept it normally. After that I tried several time to have sex but it wasn't been successful.
Day after day I was realising our relationship is taking in bad turns. As my feelings that She start ignoring me. Sometimes also try to ignore me in the bed as well. After 3-4 months later from her different activities, I found out she is in contact with someone outside of our marriage. She was having extra marital affair with her ex-boyfriend. (Also found out that she was been in affaire with that boy almost four & half year before our marriage. I wasn't knew before that much. Her family hide these things from me & my family.) I was sure about this but I wasn't have any physical proof of that. Then I was plan to tape her phone but while I was processing, I get caught to her and had huge argument in different issues. Then our relationship Become more worst than before. She stop talking with me, our physical contact became zero and she became more cautious and careful about her affair and become more aggressive. Still After that I said Sorry to her for trying to tape her phone, was trying to become mutual and also was trying to make her understand according to Islam. Now she make this one main issue that we haven't have sex, she doesn't feel like I am her husband and I spy on her and she was denying her affair. I tried to cool her down but every time she dragging all this issues to takeover the conversation and she is very very clever in talking.
Our relationship was continued like that next couple of month. We moved in a new flat. Before our first anniversary she get caught to me with her boyfriend in our new flat. After that again I give her chance to do proper Tawbah come back to Islam. Then She agreed with me. But after few days she start same again. She start spending time outside frequently and some night outside of the home in the name of her friends house. Still now I am not fully confirmed that they had sex or not. But It is confirmed that they spend quite a lot time together inside the close door and they spent nights in same room. Two weeks before I informed her parents and she also ask me for divorce. She start making different stories to her parents and trying to prove me a great lier. (I did lie some times with her but all of this to make our relationship better but most of the time I get caught.) Still I gave her chance to do Tawbah and come back to Islam but still now she did not reply anything. Now the point is... From the first day of our marriage I truly loved her for the sake of Allah and still I love her for the sake of Allah. Although she did injustice with me and cheat with me, I never did any bad behaviour. But sometimes I stop talking with her. I really want that she come back to Islam properly by doing proper Tawbah. I am doing estekhara now a days but like before I couldn't feel anything positive or negative. I am really getting confused and frustrated day by day.
My family, relatives & friends still doesn't know anything about all of this. I couldn't share or discuss with anyone except Allah (SWT). Question. What is the shariah law in this situation? How far I have to keep my patience? What are the necessary steps I should take ? What I should not do in this situation? Should I try to continue this relationship or break? Is it still my duty to bring her back from evil (Saitan) activities ? What I should do to protect our family honour or for both family? I try to find out the solution by reading different shariah book but getting more confused and some of them I even couldn't understand. Please Brother I need proper suggestions and a fruitful solution according to Islamic Shariah.
Please forgive me for my mistakes in the writings. Please feel free to ask me any further questions if you need to know. One more request, if you could do Estekhara on my behalf for my decision that will be a great help for your Muslim brother. May Allah (SWT) give you highest reward and bless you. Jazahkallah khayer for your kind help. Wassalam. Your Brother in Deen

Answer :

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
May Allah guide your wife and make her righteous and pious. From what you have mentioned it seems that you are willing to give your wife another chance in spite of her continued behavior.
In this case the best thing for you to do is to seek marital counseling from a local scholar. In a personal, one-on-one meeting you will be able to share information with him that you have been hesitant to tell your family. The scholar will emphasize the importance of family values, that zina is detestable and a major sin, and work with both you and your wife to resolve this and other issues.
It is not clear the extent of your progress for treatment of premature ejaculation. However, you can also inform the scholar that you are currently seeking treatment to solve it.
 
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Sohail ibn Arif,
Student Darul Iftaa
Chicago, USA
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.