Question Summary:
I loved a girl for 12 years and recently got married her but now I do not love her anymore

Question Detail:

Salaam brothers and sisters,

Answer :

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.

As-salaamu `alaykum wa-ramatullahi wa-barakatuh.

We take note of the contents of your email.

We wish well for you and wish to advise you sincerely.

You have committed three mistakes in the relation with the girl.

1.      You had a premarital contact with the girl and also had a relationship with her. The three times lip kiss is also regarded as a form of zina and haram.

2.      You then married the girl secretly without the consent of the parents. (You did not state to us the procedure of the marriage for us to comment on the validity of the marriage).

3.      Now, after 12 years and after marrying her, you do not wish to continue with the marriage.

You state you do not love her. She loves you.

Why did it take you 12 years to decide you do not love her? Why did you continue the relationship with her so long and even married her? If you did not love her, why did you not leave her before?

Brother, it was incorrect for you to have led the girl to marry you and now suddenly dump her on the pretext that you do not love her.

Our advise is both of you discuss the issue openly and decide accordingly. Explain to her your feelings and observe her expressions as well.

It is also advisable to notify both parents of the secret marriage and apologise to them for marrying without their knowledge and blessings.

Both of you have made grievous mistakes in this relationship. You cannot afford to make more mistakes.^[1]

And Allah Ta`ala Knows Best.

Hussein Muhammad.

Student Darul Iftaa

Arusha, Tanzania

Checked and Approved by:

Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

___

^[1]

مختصر القدوري (ص: 145)

النكاح ينعقد بالإيجاب والقبول بلفظين يعبر بهما عن الماضي أو يعبر بأحدهما عن الماضي وبالآخر عن المستقبل مثل أن يقول: زوجتي فيقول زوجتك

ولا يعقد نكاح المسلمين إلا بحضور شاهدين حرين بالغين عاقلين مسلمين أو رجل

وامرأتين عدولا كانوا غيرا عدول أو محدودين في قذف

النتف في الفتاوى للسغدي (1/ 270)

شَرَائِط النِّكَاح الصَّحِيح

وشرائط النِّكَاح الصَّحِيح الْمجمع على صِحَّته سَبْعَة

احدها رِضَاء الْمَرْأَة اذا كَانَت حرَّة بَالِغَة عَاقِلَة

وَالثَّانِي رِضَاء الْوَلِيّ اذا كَانَ الْوَلِيّ حرا بَالغا عَاقِلا مُسلما

وَالثَّالِث خلو مَا بَين الزَّوْجَيْنِ من الْحُرْمَة المؤبدة والموقته الَّتِي قدمنَا ذكرهَا

وَالرَّابِع الشُّهُود

وَالْخَامِس الْكَفَاءَة

وَالسَّادِس الْقُدْرَة على الْمهْر وَالنَّفقَة

وَالسَّابِع تولي العقد من الزَّوْجَيْنِ اَوْ من يَنُوب عَنْهُمَا من ولي اَوْ وَكيل اَوْ متكلف اَوْ مَا يقوم مقَام الْخطاب من كتاب اَوْ رِسَالَة