Question Summary:
I have beaten wife for the first time and my also heat me back as well. I am really feeling guilty for this. I have asked pardon to my wife for forgiveness and she asked for forgiveness to me as well…

Question Detail:

I have beaten wife for the first time and my also heat me back as well. I am really feeling guilty for this. I have asked pardon to my wife for forgiveness and she asked for forgiveness to me as well.

The reason for this fight was i am not spending much time with my family as i am spending time for my work sometimes plying with friends. therefore she happy with thus our argument started. When i went back from work she was not communicated with properly as were very quite and one point she was rude with me, after that i was really angry and shouted at her and she shouted back to me as well. next morning she did not prepare food for me and she rufused to do so. I got really angry and told her i will beat you if you behave like this and she said the same thing to me. when i slapt her she started same back to me thus make her face bruse and my face scur from her nail.
Please advise us what should i do when i am really feeling guilty at this point to beat her and on the other hand as she hit me back i dont feel much affection or love to her. What islam says in this matter that i would like follow.

Answer :

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Assalaamu `alaykum waRahmatullahi Wabarakatuh
Alhamdulilah, we are very pleased that you have acknowledged your mistake and you referring to Ulama for advice. Now that you have sought forgiveness from your wife, you should make a firm resolution not to beat your wife ever again.

Inshallah if you would act upon this, Allah Ta’ala would grant you with a blissful marriage. Ameen

Rasulullah (Sallalahu Alaihi Wasallam) has said:
عن ابن عباس قال قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم لم نر للمتحابين مثل النكاح
Ibn Abbas (Radhiyallahu Anhu) narrates that Rasulullah (Sallalahu Alaihi Wasallam) has said, “We have not seen anything that creates love between two individuals such as nikah.”  (Ibn Majha)
There are many ways of increasing love between the couple.  Consider the following ten points to maintain a happy marriage and control the instinct of dispute.
1.  Fear Allah: It was the noble practice of Nabi (Sallalahu Alaihi Wasallam) to make the spouses aware of the fear of Allah before performing a nikah by reciting the verses (Al-Nisa 14, Al-Ahzab 69, Aali-Imraan 101) from the Qur’an.  All the verses are common in the message of taqwa (fear of Allah).  The spouses will be first committed to Allah before being committed to their partner.  There can be no doubt in the success of a marriage governed by the fear of Allah.
2.   Never be angry at the same time: Anger is the root cause for all marital disputes.  One Sahaabi came to Rasulullah (Sallalahu Alaihi Wasallam) and sought some advice.  Rasulullah (Sallalahu Alaihi Wasallam) replied, “Control your anger.”  The same advice was rendered three times.
 (Mishkat Pg. 433; H.M. Saeed)
3.  If one has to win an argument, let it be the other: Nabi (Sallalahu Alaihi Wasallam) said, “Whoever discards an argument despite being correct shall earn a palace in the center of Jannah. 
 (Mishkat Pg. 412)
4.  Never shout at each other unless the house is on fire: Luqman (AS) while offering advice to his son said, “And lower your voice for verily the most disliked voice is that of a donkey.” (Surah Luqman 19)
5.  If you have to criticize, do it lovingly: Rasulullah (Sallalahu Alaihi Wasallam) said, “A Mu’min is a mirror for a Mu’min.”
 (Abu Dawood Vol 2, Pg 325 Imdadiya)
Advice with dignity and silently.
6.  Never bring up mistakes of the past: Nabi (Sallalahu Alaihi Wasallam) said, “Whoever conceals the faults of others, Allah shall conceal his faults on the day of Qiyamah.”
(Mishkat Pg. 429)
7.  Neglect the whole world rather than your marriage partner: Nabi (Sallalahu Alaihi Wasallam) confirmed the advice of Salman (Radhiyallahu Anhu) to Abu Darda (Radhiyallahu Anhu) for neglecting his wife.  “Verily there is a right of your wife over you.”
(Nasai 2391)
8.  Never sleep with an argument unsettled: Hadhrat Abu Bakr (Radhiyallahu Anhu) resolved his dispute with his wife over feeding the guest before going to bed.
(Bukhari 602)
9.  At least, once every day, express your gratitude to your partner: Nabi (Sallalahu Alaihi Wasallam) said, “Whoever does not show gratitude to the people has not shown gratitude to Allah.”
(Abu Dawud, Pg 662; Karachi)
10.  When you have done something wrong, be ready to admit it and ask for forgiveness: Nabi (Sallalahu Alaihi Wasallam) said, “All the sons of Adam commit error, and the best of those who err are those who seek forgiveness.” (Tirmidhi 2499)
(Taken from Al-Mahmood)
And Allah knows best
Wassalaamu `alaykum
Ml. Luqman Hansrot,
Student Darul Iftaa
Checked and Approved by:
Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Darul Iftaa, Madrassah In'aamiyyah