Question Summary:
I got married without my parent’s knowledge. What should I do now? Question Detail:
I had dated a guy for 3 years and last year got married to him without my parents knowing , were both 17,we've loved eachother & tried to keep it together without gettin a divorce. Befire getting married my brother had found out bout us dating and had tokd him to stay away from me for a very long time , but we didnt stay away from eachother we wrr togrther still and got to the whole getting our nikkah done , after that was done i have been trying for months concinving himto marry ne because my parents are very strict and if they find out bout this they might want to kick me out of the house also alot of rishtas are coming and my parents might just engage me of.
I have tried to gain the truts of my parents. I have also asked my husband to speak to his parents about this he says he did ,but his parents want him to wait , i asked him to tell his parents to just let them get us engaged ,,getting engaged isnt a big problem.. it would just show people that we are committed .
My husband says to wait, but i cant wait what should i do? im confused i dont even know if he really wants to marry me becasue he always wants to delay the marriage.
Answer :
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
May Allah reward you for writing to seek a solution for the issues you are facing. This is a step in the right direction.
No matter how intelligent or knowledgeable a person is, Islam has always recommended us to make mashwarah (consultation) before taking decisions, especially important ones. To show us the importance of consultation Allah ordered Rasulullah (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) to consult with the Sahabah (companions).
Finding a husband and a life partner is a very serious matter and requires the advice and expertise of parents. That is the proper way of finding a husband. It is an enormous sin to date and go out with someone even if you eventually ended up marrying him.
The situation you are in right now is quite complicated. This is because as long as the nikah proposal and acceptance was made in the presence of at least two male witnesses or one male and two female witnesses you are married according to the Shariah. This is the process known as nikah. [i]
As a result the only solution before you is to sit down with your parents and discuss this situation thoroughly. While this may seem a very difficult step for you, imagine the consequences of continuing to live your life in this way. If you do not tell your parents and they continue under the impression that you are not married this will give rise to a whole new set of problems and make the situation even worse.
If your parents sit down with you one day and say that they want you to consider one of the many proposals they have received for you, what will you do? You will have to continue to lie because you cannot marry any of them since you are already married. If you do marry in spite of being married to your previous husband, the second marriage would be invalid and it would be zina (adultery).
With the help of your parents you should approach your husband's family formally and take the situation from there. It would also be helpful if you can seek the help of an experienced local alim (scholar) to help mediate a solution. If both of you and your families are willing to accept this situation then you can remain as husband and wife. However, if you feel that your husband will not be able to commit to you or love you, as you have expressed in your inquiry, then it would be best to request your husband to divorce you.
It may seem overwhelming at first, but you will live a guilt-free life later knowing that you faced a difficult choice with honesty and truth. That is so much better than living in sin and a complete lie for the rest of your life. May Allah guide you. Make dua to Allah to make it easy and seek His forgiveness. Allah is Most Merciful, Most Forgiving.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Sohail ibn Arif,
Student Darul Iftaa
Chicago, USA
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
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بهشتي زيور، ٤/ ٣ تعميري كتب خانة [i]
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