Question Summary:
I got married to a tableegh brother few yrs back.But his family caused me a lot of stress because I did not get enough dowry in my wedding,as are wedding was held back home…

Question Detail:

I got married to a  tableegh brother few yrs back.But his family caused me a lot of stress because I did not get enough dowry in my wedding,as are wedding was held back home and this is the prevalent culture of girls bringing dowry .Over the years there were other issues too ,but as I got more knowledge of deen ,I realised that all these are more culture and tradition related.I feel so bitter and hurt because I married my husband for his deen ,but he chose to follow the jahil customs and never stood up for me in front of his family,and  they continue to taunt me.

 I have lost respect for him and his family and pray everyday that Allah keep my iman strong and I forgive him and work on my marriage.Allah has blesssed us with two girls but I fear this scenerio will repeat with them also .Now instead of working on iman ,I encourage my husband to earn more so that atleast we will be able to give them good dowry and they don't have to fear lifelong insults from so called religious family.Plz make dua that Allah give me peace of mind b'cos I feel everyone is so materialistic and selfish ,and I cannot trust anyone.

Answer :

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

Assalaamu `alaykum waRahmatullahi Wabarakatuh
Jazakillah for writing to the institute.
I note that you are in the US.
Sister, you have learnt through bitter experience that if your family & community do not adhere to Sharia & the Sunnah of our beloved Nabi (Sallallaahu alayhi wassallam) you end up with pain & regret. Don’t allow shaitaan to trap you also.
You know that the only practices a Muslim should submit to are the ones that will earn you Allah Ta’ala’s pleasure.
You are well aware that the practices of the non-believers are not acceptable.
You are trying to compound the problem in many ways.
Firstly, you are encouraging your husband to wear himself down in order to maintain an alien culture. This could lead to failure in your marriage as he could end up being a workaholic. May Allah Ta’ala protect him, ameen.
You are actively encouraging a practice not only from him, but you wish to pass it on to your daughters also. Is it possible that Allah Ta’ala can be pleased with such actions?
You could be a beacon of change, not only in your own family, but to your whole community.
There is nothing in the world that can stop you from obeying Allah Ta’
ala’s commands & following the Sunnah of our beloved Nabi (Sallallaahu alayhi wassallam) except shaitaan. You have been given choices. You have to make the right choice. Don’t allow shaitaan to interfere with your family’s life. Remember, there is no power & no might other than Allah Ta’ala who can benefit you & your family. How do you know that the dowry you give to your daughters will be enough? What is enough to people who do not have the fear & love of Allah Ta’ala in their hearts? Greed is a sin. Some people do not realise that. You do not have to feed other people’s greed & jaahil nonsense. This malpractice can only end when each parents refuses to pay a dowry for their daughter. It is unfortunate that men who consider themselves pious also fall into this trap.
 Don’t buy into any family that demands a dowry from your daughters.
There are enough Muslims in this world who obey Allah Ta’ala & not foolish customs from other cultures. Marry your daughters to such men who uphold the commands of Allah Ta’ala & follow the precepts of Nabi (Sallallaahu alayhi wassallam).  Do not fear that your daughters will suffer poverty or remain unmarried. As long as you work & strive in the path of Allah Ta’ala’s deen, you will have success in this world & the hereafter Insha’Allah.
You say that you wish for duas for peace of mind & that you cannot trust anyone. Sister, peace of mind comes only when we put our full trust in Allah Ta’ala. Earning the pleasure & recognition from people is nothing compared to earning recognition & the love of Allah Ta’ala. Life in this world is temporary & fleeting. You also say that people are materialistic & selfish. Do you not realise that by pushing your husband to make more money, you are encouraging materialism & it can happen that selfishness can creep when the wealth increases?
Allow me to suggest that you strive in the path of Allah Ta’ala & encourage your whole family to do so also. I present you with a question. Allah Ta’ala only knows what length of life span each one of your family members has in this world. May Allah Ta’ala protect you all but what if your husband leaves this world before your daughters get married? Will it then mean that you will go out to earn the money you think their in-laws must have? No. Sister, give up the temptation of putting your trust in money & this world. Look around you & you see so many people losing all their wealth they have horded or earned for so many years. Only Allah Ta’ala knows what is best for you & your family.
Surrender your future & your daughters future to Him who is your provider, protector & cherisher. So instead of working on making more money, go back to your Creator, submit to Him & ask Him for what is best for you & your family. Money cannot benefit you when it is earned for the wrong reasons. May Allah Ta’ala guide you, your family & all Muslims.  Being a Muslim means to submit. Let us truly submit in every sense of the word & not only with our lips.
May Allah Ta’ala guide all of us & save us from the evil schemes of shaitaan. Ameen.
And Allah knows best
Wassalamu Alaikum
Social Dept.

Checked and Approved by:
Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Darul Iftaa, Madrassah In'aamiyyah