Question Summary:
How to deal with a Non-Muslim Mother. Question Detail:
As salamu aliykum! I have problem with my mother. My mother is not in Islam. We are living separately in different towns. But now she came to visit as in my town. She think that all what I and my wife are doing in our house in our life and in education of our children it is absolutely wrong and that she know better what we need to do. And it is always a problem. She know Islamic ruling about relations between mother and her children and she always use it ageist me in conflict. It is distressed me so mach, because in conflict she usually says to me that she never forgive me and it is very difficult to ask her forgiveness. And whatever I do in her eyes it is always not right. after that I afraid that Allah will punish me in this world and in the hereafter! And I afraid to die with out iman. I ask Allah forgiveness and help, but I can't find solution in this situation. Pleas I need your advise and dua for me! arsen
Answer :
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Respected brother in islam
We take note of your sufferings and make dua to Almighty Allah to ease your pain.
Allah says in his Holy Quran;
وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنْسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حُسْنًا ۖ وَإِنْ جَاهَدَاكَ لِتُشْرِكَ بِي مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِ عِلْمٌ فَلَا تُطِعْهُمَا ۚ إِلَيَّ مَرْجِعُكُمْ فَأُنَبِّئُكُمْ بِمَا كُنْتُمْ تَعْمَلُون[1]َ
Translation:
And We have instructed man to do good to his parents. And if they insist upon you that you should ascribe partners to Me, then do not obey them. To Me is
your return; then I shall tell you about what you used to do. And those who believe and do righteous deeds, We shall include them among the righteous. [Surah Ankaboot: 8]
Commentary of the Ayah:
This verse was revealed regarding Hadhrat Sa'd Ibn Abi Waqqas Radhiyallahu Anhu.. He was extremely obedient to his mother, Hamnah bint Abi Sufyan and was always considerate of her. When his mother, learnt that her son, Sa'd, had accepted Islam, she got very upset and warned him against that. She swore an oath that she would neither eat nor drink until he turned back to his ancestral religion, or she would die of thirst and hunger, and he would be blamed for killing his mother.
The above quoted verse advised Hadhrath Sa’d Radhiyahhu Anhu not to abide by his mother’s unislamic wishes.
Hadhrath Sa’d Radhiyahhu Anhu went to her and said to her, “Dear mother, if there were hundred lives in your body, and they were departing one after the other, I would not desert my religion at all”. It is now up to you whether you eat and drink or die. In any case I cannot abandon my religion'. Having been disappointed by his firmness, she started eating food.
If you and your wife are following Islamic values and your children are being brought up in an Islamic environment, if this bothers your mother, then you are commanded by the Shari`a not to obey her. You will not be held sinful, so don’t be distressed.
Brother, be firm and steadfast on Deen and remember you will not be sinful or held accountable for not accepting your mother’s insistence on any action which contradicts the teaching of Islam.
It is stated in a hadith;
لا طاعة لمخلوق في معصية الخالق [2]
Translation:
None must be obeyed in the disobedience of the Creator.
We advise you to be firm on practising on Deen and also be kind and polite to your mother in other issues besides Deen.
Continue making dua for your mother and use wisdom and diplomacy in dealing with her and inviting her to Islam.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Anas Sharieff Qasmi.
Student Darul Iftaa
Hyderabad, India.
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
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[1]Maariful Quran: 683-4/vol:6
[2] (1) أخرجه أحمد في المسند (4/ 432)، والطيالسي في المسند (ص 115) رقم (856)، والطبراني في الكبير (18/ 185) رقم (437) من حديث عمران بن حصين بلفظ: "لا طاعة في معصية الله"، ولفظ الطبراني: "لا طاعة لمخلوق في معصية الله"
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