Question Summary:
How to ask for forgiveness after divorce?

Question Detail:

After divorcing each other, if a husband/wife feels that it was his/her mistake in doing so and has really hurted him/her & their family, so how to ask forgiveness on this with him/her and how to ask forgiveness with Allah. As it is known that this is something related to Huqooqul ibaad, so unless he/her does not forgive, Allah wont forgive. Even he/she cant speak each other as now both became na-mahram, so how to ask forgiveness with him/her and how to ask forgiveness with Allah ta'la. And if he/she is not willing to forgive then how to overcome on this. Please help as this is depressing me day by day that it was big mistake which hurts both of us. Please reply and make Dua for well being of both of us in our lives here and hereafter. JazaakAllah Khayr.

Answer :

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh. 
Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wa-Sallam stated:[1]
قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: لَمْ يُرَ لِلْمُتَحَابِّينَ مِثْلُ النِّكَاحِ
Translation:
Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wa-Sallam said that: “Two people loving each other is not seen [in expressing their love] like marriage.”
[Musannaf Abdul-Razzaq 6/151 Majlis-Ilmi]
Terminating a marriage relationship is painful. If one admits his or her faults, that is a sign of his or her honesty, truthfulness and Allah consciousness. In such a situation, one should make tauba, istigfaar and seek forgiveness from ones ex-spouse through appropriate channels. Generally, if one goes through the experience of divorce, he or she puts the blame on the other and he or she does not admit one’s own fault. Such an attitude is incorrect as one will not get the tawfeeq to make taubah and seek forgiveness. Such a person carries a huge burden into his or her qabr and the hereafter.
Refer to the following Ahadith:
عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ، أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ ‏"‏ أَتَدْرُونَ مَا الْمُفْلِسُ ‏"‏ ‏.‏ قَالُوا الْمُفْلِسُ فِينَا مَنْ لاَ دِرْهَمَ لَهُ وَلاَ مَتَاعَ ‏.‏ فَقَالَ ‏"‏ إِنَّ الْمُفْلِسَ مِنْ أُمَّتِي يَأْتِي يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ بِصَلاَةٍ وَصِيَامٍ وَزَكَاةٍ وَيَأْتِي قَدْ شَتَمَ هَذَا وَقَذَفَ هَذَا وَأَكَلَ مَالَ هَذَا وَسَفَكَ دَمَ هَذَا وَضَرَبَ هَذَا فَيُعْطَى هَذَا مِنْ حَسَنَاتِهِ وَهَذَا مِنْ حَسَنَاتِهِ فَإِنْ فَنِيَتْ حَسَنَاتُهُ قَبْلَ أَنْ يُقْضَى مَا عَلَيْهِ أُخِذَ مِنْ خَطَايَاهُمْ فَطُرِحَتْ عَلَيْهِ ثُمَّ طُرِحَ فِي النَّارِ ‏"‏ ‏.
Translation:‏
Hadhrat Abu Huraira [Radhiyallahu Anhu] reported Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) as saying: Do you know who is poor? They (the Companions of the Holy Prophet) said: A poor man amongst us is one who has neither dirham with him nor wealth. He (the Holy Prophet) said: The poor of my Ummah would be he who would come on the Day of Resurrection with prayers and fasts and Zakat but (he would find himself bankrupt on that day as he would have exhausted his funds of virtues) since he hurled abuses upon others, brought calumny against others and unlawfully consumed the wealth of others and shed the blood of others and beat others, and his virtues would be credited to the account of one (who suffered at his hand). And if his good deeds fall short to clear the account, then his sins would be entered in (his account) and he would be thrown in the Hell-Fire.[2]
[Sahih-Muslim 4/1997 Dar Al-Ihya Al-Turath]
 
عَنِ ابْنِ عُمَرَ، عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ ‏ "‏ الظُّلْمُ ظُلُمَاتٌ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ ‏[3]
Translation:
Hadhrat Ibn 'Umar [Radhiallahu Anhu) narrates that the Messenger of Allah [Sallallahu Alaihi Wa-Sallam] said: “Oppression will turn into darkness on the Day of Resurrection.” [Sahih-Muslim 4/1996 Darul-Ihyaul-Turath]
 
[4]عن جابر رضي الله عنه أن رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم قال‏:‏ اتقوا الظلم فإن الظلم ظلمات يوم القيامه
Translation:
Hadhrat Jabir bin 'Abdullah (Radhiallahu Anhu) reported: Messenger of Allah [Sallallahu Alaihi Wa-Sallam] said, "Beware of oppression, for oppression will be darkness on the Day of Resurrection.
[Sahih-Muslim 4/1996 Darul-Ihyaul-Turath]
 
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Ridwaan Ibn Khalid Esmail [Kasak]
Student Darul Iftaa
Katete, Zambia
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.