Question Summary:
How can I stop masturbating and gazing at women?

Question Detail:

I don’t know how to ask this but at the same time it is important I have an issue with watching porn. The worst part about it is that I tend go down in masturbation. I feel so bad in the end and I always ask forgiveness from Allah. I always feel bad that I go on repeating the same thing once every week. I don’t know what to do. I can’t approach any friend with this issue because I feel bad to say it.

My other issue is that I can't stop looking at girls. I always try to keep my gaze low but I still face this issue. I would really appreciate your help. Jazakallah

Answer :

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Alhamdulillah we are pleased to know that you realise that this heinous act is a sin, and that it is something you need to stop doing. “Admitting error clears the score, and proves you wiser than before.”Mistakes and sins are a fact of life and an inevitable reality. No-one is infallible, sinless or perfect bar the Prophets (alayhimus salaam). It is our response to this realisation that matters. Some people realise and acknowledge their shortcomings but turn a blind eye to them and overlook them. On the other hand, there are people who realise their sins and make a firm resolution not to commit them again. Rasulullah sallallahu alaihi wasallam says:
 
التَّائِبُ مِنَ الذَّنْبِ، كَمَنْ لَا ذَنْبَ لَهُ[i]
 
Translation: “The person who repents from his sins is like a sinless person.”
We understand from this Hadīth that once a person truly repents and sincerely asks Allah Ta῾ālā for forgiveness, he should have faith and be assured that Allah Ta῾ālā has forgiven him.
Tawbah is not confined to merely regretting ones sin and making a resolve to change. It is part of tawbah to adopt all practical measures to change. Stay away from all such avenues that will lead to sin. One cannot place butter in a hot pan and claim that it won’t melt and one cannot touch a live wire and expect not to get shocked. Similarly, don’t expect not to be drawn into evil when browsing websites containing immoral content. The real strength is in not even exploring such websites.
Practical steps to prevent oneself from masturbation
 
·        Don’t keep the laptop/ computer in your own bedroom; keep it downstairs where people can see what you are doing.
·        Make a firm resolution that every time you watch pornography or masturbate, you will put X amount of money (any realistic affordable amount of money) in a box and at the end of the month I will donate it to a charity or a Masjid or to some poor people. Make sure you pay.
·        Make sure you don’t go on websites that may entice you and lead you to other bad websites. E.g. If you want to check the news, don’t go on a website that has celebrity gossip… looking at the pictures will take you closer to the sin; rather you should use other reliable websites that don’t have this type of material.
·        Anytime you feel like committing looking at pornography or masturbating, close the laptop lid or switch of the computer screen, leave the room and come back and continue your work when your desires are suppressed.
·        Remember to take each day as it comes. Don’t think about pornography or masturbation at all and do not even read about it. The more you think about it, the more you will want to commit it.
·        Try not to remain alone; have people around you at most times.
·        Don’t use the internet unless you need to. An idle mind is the devils workshop, remain occupied.
Keep your willpower; you can take any preventative measures you want, but unless you have the sincere desire and will to stop, you won’t. “Whether you think you can or you think you can't...you're right.”
·        The final and most important thing is that one constantly makes dua to Allah the Almighty and constantly does the dhikr of Allah. This will keep ones’ mind occupied at all times. One should not despair if he commits the sin again. Remember! If your tawbah and intention is sincere, Allah will definitely give you the taufeeq (ability) to refrain from this sin.
 
As for the second issue you mentioned; gazing at women. It is all a matter of willpower and control. You have to say to yourself that I WILL stop looking at unlawful women and you must then believe in your statement and have faith in yourself. The remorse you feel after committing this sin shows that you feel guilty and want to stop. You have to realise that this sin is not limited to your youth or adulthood. Once you start looking at women, you will not stop because you will continue to see more women that fascinate you more than the previous one. As a result of this, even when you are married and later on become a grandfather, this filthy habit of gazing at unlawful women will remain with you.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Mawlana Saanwal ibn Muhammad,
UK
Student Darul Iftaa
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
www.daruliftaa.net