Question Summary:
In cape town when people go for haj they feel it necessary to visit the graves of the “saints” – my mom in law is going for haj this year Insha Allah and when she told us to go with, I politely declined. Was I correct??

Question Detail:

In cape town when people go for haj they feel it necessary to visit the graves of the "saints" - my mom in law is going for haj this year Insha Allah and when she told us to go with, I politely declined.   Was I correct in doing this because they look at me as if I'm from another plant as I also do not follow their belief to hold annual gatherings for the deceased and I do not attend the Mawlid gatherings.  They think I am not a true muslim.   I believe I am as I attempt to follow nabi Muhammed's example in many things.
they also have photos on display which I dont - yet I'm not true to my deen. 

Answer :

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Assalaamu `alaykum waRahmatullahi Wabarakatoh
There are many issues raised in your email regarding visiting graves.

In principle, it is permissible to visit graves, Rasulullah (صلى الله عليه وسلم), “I used to prohibit you from visiting graves, (now) visit graves, for verily it reminds one of death.” The order in the above hadith is general. It includes visiting graves of saints and others. At most visiting graves is mubaah. It is incorrect to regard a mubaah (permissible) act as compulsory. If it is a custom to visit the graves of saintly people before Hajj, it will be an act of bidah. Furthermore, females visiting graves will be considered on conditions and circumstances. If there is fear of fitna and any laws of shariah are violated, it will be prohibited to visit graves,
You are living in a place where such a practice is common. It becomes more complicated if your family follows the customs. You should weigh your options and apply wisdom in explaining to your family your reasons for not following the different customs. Annual gathering commemorating the death of someone, Maulood were never practiced by Rasulullah (صلى الله عليه وسلم) and his Sahaba.
And Allah knows best
Wassalam
Mufti Ebrahim Desai

Darul Iftaa, Madrassah In'aamiyyah