Question Summary:
Did I divorce my wife?

Question Detail:

 
I am writing you this email to get a verdict from you regarding our marriage issue.
After praising Allah swt and sending salutation to Rasul PBUH, I want to remind myself the darkness of the grave and shortness of the dunya and everlasting life after. I’m writing this statement confirming that Allah swt has the knowledge of everything and I’m telling the truth to the best of my knowledge by the oath of Allah swt. I can hold Quran and confirm that every single word in this statement is true and fair according to my best of knowledge.
 
How it started? :
I sent a text message to my wife on on 23 January 2014 with the condition  ‘’ Your 3 days time will end on Monday night 00.00 am. If you don't come by this time limit I will consider your express request for separation. I have given enough previous time limit. This time it will last insha Allah. When the husband is most need the wife is not ready to support was your expressed hint. So I will wait up to Monday night insha Allah.’’
The same text was sent to my father in law and I never mentioned what I will do if the deadline is not maintained. My only intention was to make my father in law and wife to come as early as possible and remove any misunderstanding. This misunderstanding was not of any nature which I can think of divorce from my side. And on 13 January 2014 in a conference call with my mother and my wife I clearly stated, ‘’I’ll never divorce you no matter I angry or upset I become until and unless Quran and Sunnah force me to leave you for your betterment’’
This deadline was conveyed by my father to my father in law over the Skype conversation and after the conversation finished I told my father ‘’I just need to know whether she tries to come or not. I’ll never divorce her insha allah even if she doesn’t meet the deadline of 12.00 am. My father in law said it is not possible to come by Monday as got urgent appointment with doctor.
My wife, my youngest sister in law and brother in law started from Newcastle to meet the deadline without informing me. They arrived just before 12am and my brother in law came upstairs calling by my name as my wife had the key. I came out of the room and requested to come upstairs. But he said, ‘’ Your wife is at the door and wants to talk to you.’’ I asked, ‘’Where is Abbu (Father in law)? If you don’t come upstairs the condition will not be fulfilled.’’ Then he started verbal abuse. I tried to cool him down by giving him a hug.  I told him, ‘’ Bhaia, please don’t talk to me like this. You don’t even know quarter of the full situation. Please come upstairs and talk.’’ I came inside the room and started crying because not everything he was saying wasn’t right. I wasn’t angry at all but deeply hurt. Then he came inside room and continued abusing very angrily. So I said to him to stop him, ‘’Ok, I will not continue this marriage. This marriage will end. Please leave the house.
 
Points to be noted here:
My wife was with the impression that I’ll leave her as she expressed through text about her fear and throughout the journey it was back of her mind that I might leave her.
I never have iota of an intention to leave her at any moment without the direct order of Quran and Sunnah.
My wife was in such traumatised condition that she couldn’t even step in the house for one moment and she has slight hearing problem if talked from far.
My brother in law was in such furious mood that he was out of his mind.
Even after I said these words I was requesting again and again please come inside the house for one minute only to my wife which clearly shows that I had no intention of divorce
I have no genuine reason to divorce my wife as the misunderstanding was common husband wife relationship nature.

 
Question:
1.     Have this affected my relationship with my wife?
2.     If yes Allah forbid what should I do?
3.     If yes Allah forbid, she was in menstruation which I didn’t know at all, will I be sinful?
4.     After this incident I was not able to contact them as they didn’t receive my call. So if they claim I said something else because of their mental instability at that very moment what should be done as I couldn’t get their statement.

Mufi sab please let me know in your convenience.

Answer :

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa rahmatullāhi wa barakātuh.
Respected brother in Islām,
Both from the words you uttered, and the context in which they were said, there was no express issuance of divorce.
In your first statement, you sent a text to your wife with the following message:
“Your 3 days time will end on Monday night 00.00 am. If you don't come by this time limit I will consider your express request for separation. I have given enough previous time limit. This time it will last insha Allah. When the husband is most need the wife is not ready to support was your expressed hint. So I will wait up to Monday night insha Allah”
This is only a warning that you will consider the request of divorce if your wife does not come at the time mentioned. It neither constitutes a divorce nor a suspension of divorce on a future event.
In your second statement, you said to your brother-in-law:
“’Ok, I will not continue this marriage. This marriage will end. Please leave the house”
This constitutes a promise to divorce. A promise of divorce is not considered a talāq (divorce) in Sharī‘ah.[1]
Hence, based on the details you have presented, no divorce has been effected and your marriage is intact.
And Allah Ta‘ālā Knows Best
Zameelur Rahman
Student Darul Iftaa
UK
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
www.daruliftaa.net