Question Summary:
Confused whether to get married or not?

Question Detail:

Im not sure if you are going to be able to help me but I really hope you can as I'm not sure how to contact an imam or sheikh and i really need some help because i am very lost and confused at the moment and really dont know what to do. I have met someone that could be a potential husband. So both of us prayed istikhara however i havent had any clear signs and im not sure what to do and i really need to make a decision asap because its getting difficult and my head is everywhere as i really dont know what to do.   I have known him for 3 months and at the start our families met. We got along very well Alhamdulillah for the first month and a half maybe a little more or little less but we had a lot of things in common in terms of religion and just everything else in general.  However after a bit we started to argue and there was some qualitiies in him and myself that either of us liked in one another  e.g stubborness but thats is expected as everyone is human, nobody is perfect so there is bound to be something which can come across as bad to one another which we both accepted but at the same time there has still been arguments which just rather being solved escalate and something new is argued about but then every time we have said lets not go ahead something brings us both back to one another and we start talking again and we resolve things then we argue again. now i do know myself i do have feelings for him which is making this all more difficult as I prayed istikhara but i dont know if alll this arguing is a negative sign? or is the fact that we both keep going back to one another a positive sign? but on the other hand at times i think he is a little possessive and controlling because from some of the stuff he has said he has made me think if we got married he wouldnt let me see my family or not allow me to mix with some of them because he wouldnt like them, however as he would be my husband i am aware whatever he says i would hae to listen to him - i am willing to accept that. right now im in a situation where i would like to go ahead with the marriage however i am very scared but thats normal right as its a life changing decision? but this boy he has said he has strong feelings for me and he doesnt want to lose me yet he still hasnt made a decision. i do not want it to lead to anything haraam and i dont know what to do??? please can you help as i dont know.

Answer :

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Sister in Islam;
It is normal for a girl to be anxious when making a decision for marriage. If you made Istikhara and feel positive then you should follow your feelings. As a matter of precaution enquire about his character and conduct from his family and associates if possible. If you have good reference about him, place your trust in Allah and proceed to marry him if he too is interested.
You state that he does not want to leave you but he has not proposed to you either. You should understand that it is prohibited to have any contact with the person before marriage. Also guard yourself from being used in the pretext of marriage. Get a senior person in your family to clarify if he wants to marry you and if so, he should propose to you. There is no point in you making a decision when he is undecided.
 
 
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Immad Ibn Arshad
Student Darul Iftaa
California, USA
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
www.daruliftaa.net