Question Summary:
Can a man hit his wife?

Question Detail:

 
SIR MAN CAN HURT HIS WIFE IF she DONT OBAY HIS ORDER.  islam allow us to do that in certain situation .? I just want to ask...

Answer :

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
 
At the outset, Shariah has advised husbands to tolerate and overlook their wives.
Consider the following hadith:
 
حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو كُرَيْبٍ، وَمُوسَى بْنُ حِزَامٍ، قَالاَ حَدَّثَنَا حُسَيْنُ بْنُ عَلِيٍّ، عَنْ زَائِدَةَ، عَنْ مَيْسَرَةَ الأَشْجَعِيِّ، عَنْ أَبِي حَازِمٍ، عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ ـ رضى الله عنه ـ قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏ "‏ اسْتَوْصُوا بِالنِّسَاءِ، فَإِنَّ الْمَرْأَةَ خُلِقَتْ مِنْ ضِلَعٍ، وَإِنَّ أَعْوَجَ شَىْءٍ فِي الضِّلَعِ أَعْلاَهُ، فَإِنْ ذَهَبْتَ تُقِيمُهُ كَسَرْتَهُ، وَإِنْ تَرَكْتَهُ لَمْ يَزَلْ أَعْوَجَ، فَاسْتَوْصُوا بِالنِّسَاءِ ‏"‏‏.‏
 
 
 
Translation:
 
Hazrat Abu Huraira Radiallahu Anhu narrated:
Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said, "Treat women nicely, for a woman is created from a rib, and the most curved portion of the rib is its upper portion, so, if you should try to straighten it, it will break, but if you leave it as it is, it will remain crooked. So treat women nicely." [Bukhari: 3331]
 
A husband should condition his mind to expect opposition and unpleasant situations from his wife in order to tolerate her. When a husband witnesses such an attitude, he should say ' صَدَقَ رَسُوْلُ الله ' – The Rasul of Allah Swallahu Alaiau Wasallam has spoken the truth (about the sensitive attitude and nature of a woman), thus his conviction in the truthfulness of Rasulullah Swallahu Alaihi Wasallam should increase. 
 
Shariah also considers the disproportionate attitude of women and the need to bring them back to proportion. For that, Allah Ta’ala advises the following three steps: 
 
وَٱلَّـٰتِى تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَٱهۡجُرُوهُنَّ فِى ٱلۡمَضَاجِعِ وَٱضۡرِبُوهُنَّ‌ۖ
 
Translation:
As for women whose disobedience you fear, convince them and leave them apart in beds and beat them. [Surah:Al Nisaa, Verse: 34]
 
In explaining this verse, Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam advised the following:
 
حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو بَكْرِ بْنُ أَبِي شَيْبَةَ، حَدَّثَنَا الْحُسَيْنُ بْنُ عَلِيٍّ، عَنْ زَائِدَةَ، عَنْ شَبِيبِ بْنِ غَرْقَدَةَ الْبَارِقِيِّ، عَنْ سُلَيْمَانَ بْنِ عَمْرِو بْنِ الأَحْوَصِ، حَدَّثَنِي أَبِي أَنَّهُ، شَهِدَ حِجَّةَ الْوَدَاعِ مَعَ رَسُولِ اللَّهِ ـ صلى الله عليه وسلم ـ فَحَمِدَ اللَّهَ وَأَثْنَى عَلَيْهِ وَذَكَّرَ وَوَعَظَ ثُمَّ قَالَ ‏ "‏ اسْتَوْصُوا بِالنِّسَاءِ خَيْرًا فَإِنَّمَا هُنَّ عِنْدَكُمْ عَوَانٍ ‏.‏ لَيْسَ تَمْلِكُونَ مِنْهُنَّ شَيْئًا غَيْرَ ذَلِكَ إِلاَّ أَنْ يَأْتِينَ بِفَاحِشَةٍ مُبَيِّنَةٍ فَإِنْ فَعَلْنَ فَاهْجُرُوهُنَّ فِي الْمَضَاجِعِ وَاضْرِبُوهُنَّ ضَرْبًا غَيْرَ مُبَرِّحٍ فَإِنْ أَطَعْنَكُمْ فَلاَ تَبْغُوا عَلَيْهِنَّ سَبِيلاً إِنَّ لَكُمْ مِنْ نِسَائِكُمْ حَقًّا وَلِنِسَائِكُمْ عَلَيْكُمْ حَقًّا فَأَمَّا حَقُّكُمْ عَلَى نِسَائِكُمْ فَلاَ يُوطِئْنَ فُرُشَكُمْ مَنْ تَكْرَهُونَ وَلاَ يَأْذَنَّ فِي بُيُوتِكُمُ لِمَنْ تَكْرَهُونَ أَلاَ وَحَقُّهُنَّ عَلَيْكُمْ أَنْ تُحْسِنُوا إِلَيْهِنَّ فِي كِسْوَتِهِنَّ وَطَعَامِهِنَّ ‏"‏ ‏.‏
 
Translation:
 
Sulaiman bin Amr bin Ahwas Radiallahu Anhu said: “My father told me that he was present at the Farewell Pilgrimage with the Messenger of Allah Swallahu Alaihi Wasallam. He praised and glorified Allah, and reminded and exhorted (the people). Then he said: 'I enjoin good treatment of women, for they are prisoners with you, and you have no right to treat them otherwise, unless they commit clear indecency. If they do that, then forsake them in their beds and hit them, but without causing injury or leaving a mark. If they obey you, then do not seek means of annoyance against them. You have rights over your women and your women have rights over you. Your rights over your women are that they are not to allow anyone whom you dislike to tread on your bedding (furniture), nor allow anyone whom you dislike to enter your houses. And their right over you are that you should treat them kindly with regard to their clothing and food.' ” [Ibn Majah: 1924]
 
Generally, if a husband adopts the correct attitude in advising the wife, he should be successful in bringing her back on line. If he fails in doing so, he should not hasten to blame her. It is possible; he is falling short in adopting the correct and effective measure in advising her.
The second step is separating beds. In a normal and general situation, the husband is more inclined to sleep with his wife and seek her comfort. When he reaches a point not to sleep with her, that is a clear sign to the wife of his anger and frustration. That attitude should jolt her to repair the situation. If she still does not change her attitude, it is clear by then that the husband cannot contain himself anymore. Shariah has also considered human nature. Hence as a last resort, he may hit her.However in doing so, his intention is not to vent out his anger. He is a man and he should contain himself. His intention should be purely to jolt her to change. Generally, a woman never expects her husband to hit her. If he does so and very lightly, she views that in a serious light and as though she has been seriously beaten up. She reacts to that with her emotions, hence she does not look at how she is hit, but rather who hit her., her beloved husband. It is not permissible for a husband to assault his wife.
 
Keeping the above in mind, Faqih Abu Layth Samarqandi Rahmatullahi Alaih states that, there are some instances where, Shariah has permitted to use the third category of reformation on his wife:[1]
She refuses to adorn herself and does not cooperate in fulfilling the husband’s carnal desires. This is particularly important in this era where maintaining one’s chastity and purity is a huge challenge. She does not bath after menses or does not perform salah and she leaves the home without the husband’s permission.
The above are clear violations of the basic requirements of a marriage.
 

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Jibran Kadarkhan
Student Darul Iftaa
Mauritius 
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
 
 
 
[1]
[i] ذكر في فتاوى الشيخ أبي الليث أن للزوج أن يضرب امرأته على أربع خصال وما هو في معنى الأربع:
 
1)     لترك الزينة والزوج يريدها
2)     على ترك الإجابة إذا دعاها إلى فراشه وفي الخانية وهي طاهرة
3)     على ترك الصلاة وعلى ترك الغسل وفي الخانية عن الجنابة والحيض
4)     على الخروج من المنزل وفي الخانية أيضا بغير إذنه بعد إبقاء المهر
الفتاوى التاترخانية (304/4) مكتبة زكريا