Question Summary:
My primary aim in life is to die a muslim with the Kalemaah on my lips. My problem is this:I have hindu girl friend (i know it is a sin to even get into such a relationship). We have agreed that she would be accepting Islam wholeheartedly after nikaah. Question Detail:
My primary aim in life is to die a muslim with the Kalemaah on my lips. My problem is this:I have hindu girl friend (i know it is a sin to even get into such a relationship). We have agreed that she would be accepting Islam wholeheartedly after nikaah.
Before nikaan she wants to a registered marriage and before that a hindu wedding. I have argued that such a ceremony should not be in a temple and should be with minimal ceremony. Nikaah would be done after all such dramatic activities have been carried out. Once Nikaah has been done, no such activity will be tolerated after that ever in life.
I initially refused the hindu wedding but because of her pleadings I have concented one last time. Nothing after this which is un-islamic will ever be done.
I need your advice as to is this the right path or have I already become a kafir.
Please do guide. I am sure such questions have been asked to you earlier but I could not resist.
Answer :
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In the name of Allāh, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Assalāmu ῾alaykum wa Rahmatullāhi Wabarakātuh
Having been inundated with work, we sincerely apologize for this belated response. Moreover, we decided to research the aspect of how Hindu weddings are conducted to facilitate answering your query in the best possible manner.
Mashallah! It is very encouraging to note that you have already chalked out your priorities in life; dying with the Kalimah on your lips, what else could be better? To have such an aspiration is indeed meritorious, however, of equal importance is for one to make a concerted effort in this direction. May Allah Ta’ala grant you the strength to overcome any sort of obstacle which may hinder you from this cherished goal.
It is indeed laudable to draw someone into the fold of Islām. The benefit of doing so is replete in the ahādith. However, the endevour of sharing the light of Islām should never be at the expense of your own faith; putting your Imān at stake and eventually extinguishing the light of your Imān. This would apply irrespective of her later embracing Islam wholeheartedly or you having the intention to abandon any sort of irreligious activity later. Remember! By acceding to the request of this lady, you will be doing just the same.
Nevertheless, to understand the serious consequences of a Hindu marriage ceremony (abiding by their customs, rituals, etc.) we present an overview of how the ceremonies are conducted. By merely reading through the following, it will only prove self evident as too how these types of ceremonies trample and contravene the core and fundamental principles of Islām. A Hindu wedding, in particular, is packed with culture and rituals; practicing upon which could eventually render one out of the fold of Islam.
OVERVIEW TO A HINDU WEDDING CEREMONY:
Firstly, know that Hinduism is a polytheistic religion, rich in ceremonies, rituals, customs, etc. Hindus base their way of life on sacred laws from their Holy books such as the Vedas, Ramayana, Gīta, Mahabharta, etc. Since Hindus believe that all existing matter is comprised of earth, water, fire, wind and aksha (air), they often make ritualistic offerings, symbolizing each element, at dawn or dusk at Hindu temples. Their offerings are complemented with drum beating, bugle-blowing, bell ringing, and the chanting of the Vedas. Some of these rituals are also performed at wedding ceremonies.
Since there are diverse cultures and traditions in the Hindu religion, the engagement and wedding ceremony rituals differ from region to region and community to community. We will outline only the basic rituals which form an indispensable part of a Hindu wedding. Included in this overview are the rituals which occur the night before the wedding for they also form an important part to the wedding ceremony.
PRELIMINARY ACTIVITIES TO THE WEDDING: After the selection procedure is over, i.e. selection of a prospective husband and wife, the family members of both the boy and girl ask the priest to suggest an auspicious date for the engagement of the two. This is commonly known as “misri” or ring ceremony.
After the festive spirit of engagement, the next important ritual is the “mehndi party”. It is believed that the color of mehndi signifies the essence of love in a marriage; hence it is put on the bride's hand to strengthen that bond of love. The bride's family and friends mainly celebrate this ceremony. Apart from the bride, the family members also get their hands painted with henna. Singing traditional songs and dancing to the beat of music forms a major part of this ritual.
NOTE: The above paragraph should serve as an eye opener to the naïve Muslim public, as to how Hindu culture has infiltrated the pristine teachings of Islam. Such “parties” have also become an inseparable part of most Muslim marriages!
Among the other important rituals is the “Sangeet party”, wherein all the family members and friends of the bride and groom celebrate, by singing and dancing the night away. The “Sangeet party” is most popular among Punjabis, Marwaris and Gujaratis, although most of the regions today also practice this ritual.
“Ghari puja” is also another important religious ceremony, which is performed on the eve of the wedding day, at the groom and brides place separately.
MORNING OF THE WEDDING: On the morning of the wedding day, “Pithi” or “Haldi”, the cleansing ceremony is practiced during which the bride and bridegroom are pasted with turmeric powder in their respective homes, as a part of their beautification process.
THE ACTUAL MARRIAGE CEREMONY: Hindu weddings mostly take place in a “mandap” or a tent, which is beautifully decorated with flowers. The main Hindu wedding ceremony is a long and elaborate affair, which lasts for several hours and is attended by a large number of relatives, friends, acquaintances, etc. other vital aspects forming part of the ceremony are mentioned below:
Vara Satkaarah – This refers to the reception of the bridegroom and his kinsmen at the entrance gate of the wedding tent or hall where the officiating priest chants a few mantras and the bride's mother blesses the groom with rice and trefoil and applies “tilak” of vermilion and turmeric powder.
Kanya Dan - The bride's father gives away his daughter to the groom amidst the chanting of sacred mantras.
Vivah-Homa – This refers to the sacred fire ceremony ascertaining that all auspicious undertakings are begun in an atmosphere of purity and spirituality.
Pratigna-Karan - Vows in a Hindu marriage are made before a fire which is symbolic to God, the Radiant One; thus their promises are witnessed by the God's wisdom, truth, and justice. The couple walk round the fire, the bride leading, and take solemn vows of loyalty, steadfast love and life-long fidelity to each other. While the bride and the groom take the seven circles around the fire, the priest recites the mantras, whilst others also chant the same. It is during this time also that, the groom fills vermillion or “sindoor” in the center parting of the bride and puts “mangalsutra” around her neck. Both “sindoor” and “mangalsutra” have strong religious implications and are sacred symbols of a married woman.
Abhishek - Sprinkling of water, meditating on the sun and the pole star.
Anna Praashan - The couple then make food offerings into the fire then feed a morsel of food to each other.[1]
FINAL WORD
Mentioned above, are only the basic and indispensable rituals which occur in Hindu marriages. It is quite evident that almost all the customs have religious and polytheistic connotation. Therefore, if any Muslim opts for his marriage to be conducted in the procedure mentioned above, such as circumambulating around the fire, meditating on the sun and polar star, etc. this would be tantamount to revering the sacred features of another religion, which is Kufr (disbelief), and will cast him out of the fold of Islam. These practices are against the grain and principles of Islam. Hence, if you have your nikah performed in such a manner, there is no doubt that you will also be placing your faith (Iman) at stake and treading the path of Kufr.
Your initial refusal to having a Hindu ceremony is the right stance. Holding firm to the teachings of Islam is indeed the sign of your true and ardent love you possess for Allah Ta’ala and His Rasul (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam). Allah Ta’ala acknowledges the commitment of His bondsman and appreciates the love and sacrifice they offer for His cause. If you are steadfast, Allah will surely make a way out for you from this difficulty. You should therefore, maintain this devotion and never be intimidated to compromise any teaching of Islam. Always remember the comforting ayats of the Quran:
“Whoever adopts piety, Allah will most definitely create an avenue or way out to his problems.[2]”
(Qur’ān 65:2)
Also,
“We will most definitely open up our avenues of insight and guidance (hidayat) for those who exert themselves in our cause.[3]”
(Qur’ān 29:69)
On the other hand, if you will accede to the pleadings of your wife-to-be, then the laws of Allah Ta’ala will be flouted. If Allah’s laws are contravened in the beginning of marriage; what is subsequent to this will only be worse? Also, generally after a nikah, as Muslims, we implore Allah Ta’ala to shower His choicest of mercy and blessings on this ; for these blessings is what brings about unity, love and mutual respect in a marriage. By going the route of having a Hindu ceremony, one is in fact incurring the exact opposite. By carrying out such practices, one will be attracting the wrath of Allah Ta’ala? What good can ever be expected from such a marriage?
You aver not to commit anything un-Islamic later: Remember! Nikah is a means of creating a turning point in the couple’s lives to become better Muslims. In this case, the boy ought to draw the girl into religious practices but, here; the total opposite is coming into effect. Also, you, the husband-to-be, is only submitting to the pleadings of your wife because of your love for her; it is only obvious that once a progresses, so too does the love for each other also increase. One can well imagine that when your love for her matures, how much more you will accede to her pleadings and be temted to flout the teaching of Islam? Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) has said:
“(It is not permissible) to comply and obey the creation (man) if it entails defying and disobeying the Creator.”[4]
(Majmauz Zawāid, v.5, p.226)
OUR ADVICE
You should, with much deliberation, tact and wisdom, try to needle yourself out of this situation. You can suggest a neutral venue for the nikah. At the same time, you can probably suggest having a very simply marriage with a mere proposal and acceptance. In this way, the nikah will be recognized in the Shariah and outwardly, there would not be any prejudice to any party.
No, you have not become a Kafir by acceding to her request though what you have done is absolutely wrong and complacency (mudahanat) to your Iman.
And Allāh Ta῾āla Knows Best
Wassalāmu ῾alaykum
Ml. Zeyad Danka,
Student Dārul Iftā
Checked and Approved by:
Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Dārul Iftā, Madrasah In῾āmiyyah
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