Question Summary:
Day by day I am getting heartbroken and becoming unthankful to ALLAH about what has happened to me. How can I rise back and make up my mind to marry someone else after a relationship I had with this girl over phone?

Question Detail:

I am a 30 yr old man. I was engaged to a girl last year and our marriage was fixed after 1 year by our parents. I wanted to marry early and a girl of my choice which I cannot communicate to my parents. However after our engagement  I started chatting with the girl on the phone which I know is not permissible, my intention was that we would know each other a little bit, but that proved to be unfortunate for me. Instead of understanding, our misunderstandings grew and eventually the girls family broke off the relationship with me. In spite of all the differences my family and particularly me tried to save this relationship but it dint work out. The girl’s parents said many bad words to us, even threatened to physically harm me and broke up the relationship. I am very much heartbroken I cannot look for any other girl as my parents want me to get married to another girl. But I cannot make up my mind even after one year. My heart is broken terribly after this incidence which I never expected. My father is very old and his health is very critical, now he wants to see my marriage that is his wish.. plz tell me would Allah SWT  bring back the happiness of marriage to me and my family? I know it’s a bit of a weird question...Day by day I am getting heartbroken and becoming unthankful to ALLAH about what has happened to me.. How will I rise back and make up my mind to marry someone else after a relationship I had with that girl over phone..Its disgusting .. I do zikr and ask ALLAH for help but cannot find any help until now..plz pray for me...MY parents and me are very much worried..What will I have to do..? Please advise..I am heartbroken.

Answer :

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
 
At times certain things happen in our lives that cause us a lot of pain and grief. In our limited knowledge, we assume that such things would have brought us great happiness and goodness. When such plans do not work out, we become upset, saddened, angry and disappointed. However, only Allah knows the reality of the situation and how things would have really worked out in the future. At times, Allah in His infinite knowledge and love saves us from such great calamities which we would deem as a great loss. This principle is sounded clearly in the following verse of the Holy Quran,
عَسَى أَنْ تَكْرَهُوا شَيْئًا وَهُوَ خَيْرٌ لَكُمْ وَعَسَى أَنْ تُحِبُّوا
شَيْئًا وَهُوَ شَرٌّ لَكُمْ وَاللَّهُ يَعْلَمُ وَأَنْتُمْ لَا تَعْلَمُونَ
“It possible that you may dislike something whilst it is good for you and it is possible that you love something whilst it is bad for you; Allah knows whilst you know not.”
 
It is quite possible that if this marriage had worked out between you and the girl, you would have lived a greater life of misery. It could have lead to a devastating divorce affecting your lives and the lives of your children etc. Instead of going through such a greater heartache, Allah destined it to end earlier.
 
Along these similar lines, we advise you to ponder over the above-mentioned verse, establish your daily Salah, place your trust in Allah and be content with His decree. Also, continuously and fervently pray to Allah to bless you with a pious and compatible wife. Insha Allah all will turn out well for you and your family.  

And Allāh knows best.

Muftī Yusuf Ibn Yaqub
Washington D.C. (USA)

Under the Supervision of Muftī Ebrahim Desai (South Africa)
 
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