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Question Summary:
Avoiding husband’s sister-in-law due to oppression

Question Detail:

I have a very bad relationship with my in laws. They have done many things to me and said many things about me. My mother always taught me that silence is the best weapon and so in every situation i do not retaliate or defend myself, but this has made me look weak. Alhamdulilah, my husband defends me all the time. But, i fear my meekness always makes me a target for their lies. My husband always tells me that i will get justice in Alllah's court, but sometimes i lose all hope. I sometimes pray for death. I can't seperate myself from these people but at the same time i feel they are destroying me. 
I would like to ask, My husband has made me cut off from his brothers wife who treated me the worst. She has been banned from our home for her actions. Is this katha-rehmi? will i have to answer for this? Also, i fear i may have done gheebat about her in telling my husband about what happened between us. I fear Allah. How can I fix this if I don't have contact with her?
Please tell me some duaas to give me sabr and strength of iman. I want to be a better person but it is very hard to tolerate this injustice. The situation is very difficult. I fear I am failing these tests that Allah has put in front of me.

Answer :

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Sister in Islam,
We are disturbed to hear of your plight. May Allah Ta'ala grant you ease and comfort. Your approach thus far of exercising patience is commendable and in reality it is in your best interest; your patience will not go unrewarded.
إِنَّمَا يُوَفَّى الصَّابِرُونَ أَجْرَهُمْ بِغَيْرِ حِسَابٍ (الزمر: ١٠)
"Those who exercise patience will be rewarded without reservation" (Al Zumar: 10) 
وَلَمَنْ صَبَرَ وَغَفَرَ إِنَّ ذَلِكَ لَمِنْ عَزْمِ الْأُمُورِ (الشوري: ٤٣)
"Surely the one who exercises patience and forgives, this (such an action) is from the most resolute matters"
عن أبي سعيد و أبي هريرة عن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم قال: ما يصيب المسلم من نصب و لا وصب و لا هم و لا حزن و لا أذى و لا غم حتى الشوكة يشاكها إلا كفر الله بها من خطاياه (متفق عليه- رياض الصالحين ص-٣٦، المكتبة العصرية)
"Narrated from Abu Sa'eed and Abu Hurairah from the Prophet Sallallahu 'Alaihi Wa Sallam that he said: No tiredness (by striving in the path of Allah), sickness, pressure, grief, harm, or sadness afflicts a Muslim, including a prick pricking him, except that Allah will expiate his sins because of it." (Muttafaq 'Alaihi- Riyad Al Saliheen, pg.36, Al Maktabah Al 'Asariyyah)
However, it is impermissible to pray for death even in such a trying situation, based on the following Hadith,
عَنْ أَنَسِ بْنِ مَالِكٍ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ، قَالَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم:  لَا يَتَمَنَّيَنَّ أَحَدُكُمُ الْمَوْتَ مِنْ ضُرٍّ أَصَابَهُ، فَإِنْ كَانَ لَا بُدَّ فَاعِلًا فَلْيَقُلْ، اللَّهُمَّ أَحْيِنِي مَا كَانَتِ الْحَيَاةُ خَيْرًا لِي، وَتَوَفَّنِي إِذَا كَانَتِ الْوَفَاةُ خَيْرًا لِي (البخاري: باب تني المريض الموت)
"Narrated from Anas bin Malik Radi Allahu 'Anhu, the Prophet Sallallahu 'Alaihi Wa Sallam said: None of you should long for death because of some harm which afflicts him, if he must, then he should say, "O Allah let me live as long as it is good for me, and take me away when it is good for me." (Al Bukhari: Chapter of a sick longing for death)
If your husband intends avoiding Fitnah by banning his sister-in-law from coming into the house, this will not constitute breaking ties.
Telling your husband what happened between you and your husband's sister-in-law is not Gheebat, based on the Aayah,
لَا يُحِبُّ اللَّهُ الْجَهْرَ بِالسُّوءِ مِنَ الْقَوْلِ إِلَّا مَنْ ظُلِمَ (النساء: ١٤٨)
"Allah does not like that evil should be expressed openly except for the one who was oppressed" (Al Nisa: 148)
You may recite the following Dua'as/Azkar:
لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا اللَّهُ الْعَظِيمُ الْحَلِيمُ، لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا اللَّهُ رَبُّ الْعَرْشِ الْعَظِيمِ، لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا اللَّهُ رَبُّ السَّمَوَاتِ وَرَبُّ الْأَرْضِ، وَرَبُّ الْعَرْشِ الْكَرِيمِ (البخاري: باب الدعاء عند الكرب)
Transliteration: La ilaaha illallaahul azeemul haleem. La ilaha illallaahu rabbul arshil azeem. La ilaaha illallaahu rabbus samaawaat wa rabbul ard wa rabbul arshil kareem
"There is no deity except Allah The Great The Forbearing. There is no deity except Allah the lord of the great throne. There is no deity except Allah the lord of the skies and the lord of the earth and the lord of the noble throne." (Al Bukhari: Chapter of Supplication During Difficulties)
يَا حَيُّ يَا قَيُّومُ بِرَحْمَتِكَ أَسْتَغِيثُ (الترمذي ج-٢ ص-١٩٢، سعيد كمبني)
Transliteration: Ya Hayyu Ya Qayyoom bi rahmatika astaghees
"O The Ever Living, O The All Sustaining, I seek help through your mercy"
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Hisham Dawood
Student Darul Iftaa
Chicago, U.S.A.

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.


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