Question Summary:
Advices for an arbitrator

Question Detail:

Slmz Hope u are well 
In our Area i am considered a senior person who can help with Marriage disputes 
Please can you explain to me in detail what procedure to follow when going to such meetings
 
 Also what are things a person trying to help should avoid 
Any other advice inshallah will be highly appreciated
Jazakallah 

Answer :

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Shariah encourages us to live with love and harmony. If there is a dispute, Shariah advises us to resolve the dispute. Allah says
{وَأَصْلِحُوا ذَاتَ بَيْنِكُمْ} [الأنفال: 1]
Translation: And set your relations right. (Anfaal:1) 
It was also the Sunnah of Rasulullah ﷺ to intervene in resolving disputes.
صحيح البخاري (2/ 70)
عَنْ سَهْلِ بْنِ سَعْدٍ السَّاعِدِيِّ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ: أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ بَلَغَهُ أَنَّ بَنِي عَمْرِو بْنِ عَوْفٍ، كَانَ بَيْنَهُمْ شَيْءٌ، فَخَرَجَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ يُصْلِحُ بَيْنَهُمْ فِي أُنَاسٍ مَعَهُ، فَحُبِسَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ، وَحَانَتِ الصَّلاَةُ، »
Translation: Sahl bin Sa'd Radhiyallahu Anhu narrates that there was some quarrel among the members of Banu 'Amr bin 'Auf. Nabi ﷺ went with some of his Companions to bring about peace between them and he was apprehended. The time for Salah approached. (Sahih Al-Bukhari 2/70)
There are great rewards for resolving disputes and bringing about peace between disputing parties:
عن أبي الدَّرداء، قال: قال رسولُ الله -صلى الله عليه وسلم-: "ألا أخبِرُكُم بأفضَلَ من درجةِ الصِّيامِ والصَّلاةِ والصَّدَقَة؟ " قالوا: بَلَى يا رسولَ الله -صلى الله عليه وسلم - قال: "إصلاحُ ذاتِ البَينِ، وفسادُ ذات البين الحالِقَة
 سنن أبي داود (7/ 280)
Translation: Abu Darda Radhiyallahu Anhu narrates that the Prophet of Allah ﷺ said: Shall I not inform you of something more excellent in degree than fasting, prayer and sadaqah? The people replied: Yes, Oh Prophet of Allah ﷺ, Nabi ﷺ said: maintaining ties between people, breaking ties between people is destructive. (Sunan Abi Dawood 7/280)
When intending to resolve disputes, keep the following in mind:
1)     Both parties should accept you to intervene. If possible, specify a mandate and term of reference to avoid complications.
2)     Ikhlaas (sincerity). Intervene solely to please Allah.
3)     Be fair to both parties. Never arrive at a conclusion without hearing both sides.
سنن الترمذي ت بشار (3/ 11)
حَدَّثَنَا هَنَّادٌ، قَالَ: حَدَّثَنَا حُسَيْنٌ الجُعْفِيُّ، عَنْ زَائِدَةَ، عَنْ سِمَاكِ بْنِ حَرْبٍ، عَنْ حَنَشٍ، عَنْ عَلِيٍّ قَالَ: قَالَ لِي رَسُولُ اللهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: إِذَا تَقَاضَى إِلَيْكَ رَجُلاَنِ، فَلاَ تَقْضِ لِلأَوَّلِ حَتَّى تَسْمَعَ كَلاَمَ الآخَرِ، فَسَوْفَ تَدْرِي كَيْفَ تَقْضِي.
قَالَ عَلِيٌّ: فَمَا زِلْتُ قَاضِيًا بَعْدُ.
هَذَا حَدِيثٌ حَسَنٌ.
Translation: Ali Radhiyallahu Anhu narrated that Nabi ﷺ said: "When two people bring a case before you, do not decide in favour of the first until you hear what the other has to say, then you will know how to judge." 'Ali Radhiyallu Anhu said: "Since then, I have continued to judge (in accordance with that)." (Sunan At-Tirmidhi 3/11)
 
4)     Exercise precaution and never rush into decisions. If need be, consult with appropriate people to arrive at an appropriate decision.
5)     Encourage both parties with verses of the Qur’an & Ahadith. If need be, consult an Alim to assist you in that.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Ridhwan Ur Rahman
Student Darul Iftaa
Cardiff, Wales, UK
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.