Question Summary:
Prince Charming

Question Detail:

please I beg you don't judge me I'm not that person anymore. mowlana I'm like mostly every other girl who has had a past. I've been with boys trying to find my Prince Charming and one after the other they just kept coming and going. I say wallah I have never had sexual intercourse I have never went clubbing I have never drank Alcohol I've never done anything like that. I swear by allah I could never ever do that ever. Any of it. But yes Mowlana I have been with boys to try and find someone to marry because I was scared Id never find anyone cause I was scared of arranged marriage. My big sister had an arranged marriage and after 7 years of marriage he had been cheating on her and I just thought arranged marriage is just too scary I had and have so many trust issues. But After every Salah Id ask Allah to give me a pious healthy loving husband and to forgive me for every haram touch and for every look and forgive me for my past 'hunting' and 'relationships' I changed and I changed properly. I stopped everything and Altho I had a few male friends I swear I changed. I put my head down and only wanted to make my parents proud of me. Then I had grown old enough that my parents wanted me to start looking and so I did because I had no one and I knew myself it was time to look because I'm getting older and I'm mature now. And my past was behind me. Then a boy came to my house one your mother chose for me I liked him and he liked me however my parents despised him and his family. So after much argument I bit my tongue and for my family's happiness ESP my parents I said to say no.
My parents did tell me that if I ever liked someone then tell them and never do anything else. I pray to Allah and I turn to Allah through good and bad. Good and bad equally. Always. Whatever he does he does for me. Nearly 2 months ago these two boys came to my aunties house to deliver something on a wedding day. The one with the jubbah caught my attention. I said to my friend and family instantly I want to marry that man. He felt the exact same way according to a friend as he had same the same thing as soon as he left the house and we wanted to talk a little more to find out about each other and that's all as we wanted to start off clean and nothing haram. So he asked questions and I did. And that's it We both wanted to marry. And as the days went by we started messaging a little more.
We didn't meet or nothing we wanted it all halal and just marry straight away that's why we didnt meet or talk so much. (Even tho I know talking is haram) But we both had fallen for each other even tho we didn't talk so much and even tho We both had only seen each other that day for like 10 minutes or less. (We didn't talk that day we both saw each other) but We both just knew in our hearts. We spoke Nothing bad but just asking more about each other and what to tell parents. I told my parents the exact truth and who he was and my parents actually agreed and were happy. Because we hadn't done anything major extreme. But they weren't that happy we talked. They were so happy with specifically who he was and they thought about it and their heart was without doubts and their heart was so happy for me and they said all he needs to tell his parents and we can go ahead and Marry. And that's where it all happens.. He tells his mum and dad and his dad did 'research' about me and said the girl is bad and has a bad past (I don't know who said bad about me because I'm well known as a good girl even tho I have done i am not I am just not I don't deserve that) and he said to the boy that if he wants to marry me then he has to leave the house And choose me or his family. The boy chose his family. And he's heartbroken. But he said his family comes first. And that his family has forbidden me ever cause of my past. My past is just what I said above.
It's caught up to me and I thought it was all gone and forgotten. I've asked allah for forgiveness and I still do everyday fajr to Esha everyday. But I thought it would be okay cause there's so many girls who have done worse and they've got such a good guy and are so happy so why not me? I told the The boy before I had a past because he looked so pious and alhumdulillah I'm good too but I didn't want him to think I was perfect and clean from a past as he is told me he doesn't care about my past even tho he's never ever been with a girl before he believes it's my past and that he accepts me for who I am today. And that made me know deep in my heart this man has to be for me
. Even him saying we can't talk much and we can't see each other because He wants it all halal. Just like I did. Made me realise that this is the man I've been praying for. Even my parents being so happy I knew he was the one. But now his family are saying this. And he doesn't know what to do but has cut all contact and said he'll do istikrah but his family comes first. Mowlana what do I do??? I have finally found someone who makes me closer to my lord who makes me better islamically and spiritually who makes me a better person someone I have been praying for my entire life and his father and mother have said no because of my past???!!! What do I do???
I haven't even told my parents because they are going to be so hurt and I can't tell them. My family thought I was going to marry and I'm going to be so embarrassed and look a fool. And even more so because of my past!!?? Mowlana I'm a good person I've just made mistakes I can't pay for them again I can't and its killing me. We both thought his parents would say yeah and we'd do Nikah straight away. Because we didn't want to sin. my mother said she would get involved after the boy has done istikrah and if it's a yeah she would speak to the family and tell them that I'm a good girl and that I have a good heart regardless of my past and if she had another son she'd want me to marry him!) and etc but she said first Id need to tell my parents.. But I can't.. She said be patient and wait for him first to give answer and then see. He isn't talking to me he's gone. My friend her fiancé told her that he's been crying and hasn't been speaking to anyone. He has always been obedient to his parents but this time he can't take it.  He's gone awol from me and all we wanted was BOTH our families to be happy and let us marry and let us be each other's means of jannah. But my past has ruined everything. What do I do? Please help me.. Guide me? I really want to marry him and I know he really wants to marry me..

Answer :

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Sister in Islam,
We all make mistakes in life. A child only learns to walk after falling multiple times. The important part is to repent and then move forward hoping for the mercy of Allah.
As you have mentioned, you made the mistake of looking for your “Prince Charming” in the past. Based on the incidents described by you, you seem to have fallen prey to the same mistake, though at a lower degree. You mentioned, “The one with the jubbah caught my attention. I said to my friend and family instantly I want to marry that man. He felt the exact same way according to a friend as he had said the same thing as soon as he left the house” How can you base your judgment of something as important as marriage on a single glance? You felt an inclination towards the boy without having an inkling of his background. Love at first sight? The reality of this life is quite different.
For the time being, do not think of the boy, nor try to make any contact with him. Turn to Allah and make istikhārah. Istikhārah does not mean that you will see a “sign” of any sort. It simply means that if your du‘ā is accepted, Allah will put goodness and blessing in whatever decision that comes to be. If you do not receive any answer, be mature in your reaction. Do not look for potential spouses yourself. Your parents, uncles, or any responsible member of the family should undertake this task. If you adopt the fear of Allah in your public and private life, Allah will grant you a favorable return. It is not your responsibility to judge who has done worse than you in their past. Perhaps they have made amends with Allah Ta‘ālā just as you have.     
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Hisham Dawood
Student Darul Iftaa
Chicago, USA 
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.