Question Summary:
Marriage Proposal Matters

Question Detail:

If a Muslim male/female has committed illegal sexual intercourse prior to marriage, when that person comes to talk with his potential spouse, if they ARE asked whether they have committed such an act what is the correct approach to answering; are they to lie to hide their sin, or are they to tell the truth and open their sin.Also if a male has the desire only to marry a chaste women who is a virgin and otherwise would find it disturbing to marry without having asked the question to his spouse as to whether they have remained chaste give they themselves have remained chaste, it is permissable to ask based on concept of Men of Purity being for Women of Purity. Why should a male have to deal with continual doubts over the course of his marriage and especially if she does not exhibit bleeding upon initial intercourse, when the matter could at-least be prevented via a private conversation between the couple whereby one may ask the other if they have remained chaste. Please advice as to the legality of this.

Answer :

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salamu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullahi wa-barakatuh.
The importance of chastity after marriage is as important before marriage. It is the general system of Allah Ta’alah to bond a person with such a spouse who shares almost the same level of chastity, piety and character.[1] In exemplifying this, Allah Ta’alah mentions in the Quraan:
الْخَبِيثَاتُ لِلْخَبِيثِينَ وَالْخَبِيثُونَ لِلْخَبِيثَاتِ وَالطَّيِّبَاتُ لِلطَّيِّبِينَ وَالطَّيِّبُونَ لِلطَّيِّبَاتِ
Unchaste women are for unchaste men and unchaste men are for unchaste women. (Similarly) Chaste women are for chaste men and chaste men are for chaste women. (24-26) 
In order to reap from the fruits of marriage, one should always strive for good and in return, Allah will grant a person a spouse which will be the coolness of the eyes. Accordingly, Allah Ta’alah is the sole judge of the chastity of each person and none can claim high levels of chastity or piety. 
If one is interested in marring, Shariah has only mentioned gazing at one’s potential spouse. Consider the following Hadith:
عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ، قَالَ: كُنْتُ عِنْدَ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ، فَأَتَاهُ رَجُلٌ فَأَخْبَرَهُ أَنَّهُ تَزَوَّجَ امْرَأَةً مِنَ الْأَنْصَارِ، فَقَالَ لَهُ رَسُولُ اللهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: أَنَظَرْتَ إِلَيْهَا؟، قَالَ: لَا، قَالَ: فَاذْهَبْ فَانْظُرْ إِلَيْهَا، فَإِنَّ فِي أَعْيُنِ الْأَنْصَارِ شَيْئًا
Abu Hurairah Radiallahu Anhu mentions that he was in the presence of Rasoolullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam when a man came and said to Rasoolullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam that he is marrying a woman from the Ansaar. Rasoolullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam asked him, “Did you see her?” He replied, “No.” Rasoolullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said to him, “Go and see her, for indeed, there is something in the eyes of the Ansaar.” (Muslim, Vol.2, Pg. 1040, Beirut)
There is no mention of talking before marrying. Furthermore, talking could lead to unnecessary discussion. However, after gazing at ones potential spouse, if one is interested, further enquiries could be made of conduct and piety etc. from family members and associates. Remember, it is best to do ones homework before choosing a potential spouse, rather than living in a life of doubt and suspicion.
Also, make Isikharah and seek the guidance of Allah. The guidance of Allah is the best of guidance. If the person is suitable for you irrespective of her past, Allah will guide her. If she is not suitable for you, even though you may have heard everything positive of her, Allah will guide you.
And Allah Ta’ala Knows Best
Ismaeel Bassa
Student Darul Iftaa
Durban South Africa
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
www.daruliftaa.net