Question Summary:
Three Valid Divorces

Question Detail:

 
I am writing this in great pain and sorrow. I had
committed adultery 3 years back. My wife found out
about this and we had an argument. During the argument
I pronuced from my mouth "I divorce you" thrice
together in one sitting. My wife was NOT menstruating
at that time. I was not angry whe nI pronounced
dovprce. After that I repented my sin of adultery and
did taubah and istighfaar never to go towards it
again. After a month me and my wife had intimacy and
we accepted each other.
 
I found a job in antoher city after a couple of months
and after that we used to see each other on weekend.
We did have sex a few times. Now we live together in
Dubai but things have changed. She says that she is in
doubt about the marriage and maybe divorce has taken
place. Since a year or two we never had any sexual
relationship. We are living in same house. She says
even if a mufti tells her that divorce has not taken
place, she will not have any sexual relations with me
for life because she remembers that I had cheated on
her.
 
My argument is that I am 42 now and have strong sexual
urges naturally. I want to have a good peaceful life,
with a wife who enjoys moments of intimace, who talks
to you, and also wants to have more children and lead
a normal life.
 
My wife is also in friendship with another man who
talks to her till 3.00 a.m in the morning over the
phone. When i asked her to leave him, she said that it
is not possible and she refrains from doing so. She
says that they don't talk anything about love or any
such thing. I said I believe you but even then I don't
feel comfortable that you talk to this man or have any
relations with him.
 
I told my wife to get a legal divorce from court
because I cannot lead such a life. My wife says that
she is living with me just to give each other
financial support and take care of our son. She says
that sacrifce the sexual urges its not an important
part of married life. I argue that I feel urges and
cannot control myself and this is the prime
requirement of marriage. Then she starts cursing me in
the name of Alah SWT and abuses me verbally. I am
tired of all this.
 
Mufti saheb, kindly guide us to the right path in the
light of Quran and Sunnah.

Answer :

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salamu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullahi wa-barakatuh.
In principle, issuing three divorces constitutes a Talaaq-e--Mughalladhah (a permanently irrevocable divorce). Hence, a Talaaq-e--Mughalladhah (a permanent irrevocable divorce) was issued the moment you verbally uttered the words of Talaaq three times. Therefore, the marriage is no longer valid and you can no more stay together.
The consequence of such a divorce is that the issuer of divorce may not remarry his wife until she is married to another man, the marriage is consummated, the second husband divorces her or passes away and she completes her Iddah from the second marriage.^[1]
The Iddah of divorce is three menstrual cycles (if one experiences menses) or three months (if one does not experience menses) or till birth if she is conceived.
If your ex-wife experienced menses and three cycles passed by since then, then the Iddah is over. It is Haraam for both of you to be together. Both of you should separate from each other. ^[2]
If you have an urge for intimacy, you should get married and lead a lawful intimate life. The same will apply to your ex-wife.
And Allah Ta’ala Knows Best
Ismaeel Bassa
Student Darul Iftaa
Durban South Africa
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
www.daruliftaa.net