Question Summary:
What should young people do when irreligious family don’t let them marry or attend darul uloom? Question Detail:
I have read a lot of questions and their answers but do not understand the answers. It concerns those complaining about their parents, some are willing to marry but parents oppose and others want to study ilm in a darul uloom (which is also a better environement to live instead of hearing tv all day/night) but parents oppose.
The replies which were given dealt only with the high status of parents in islam and the virtues of either ilm or nikah in their respective cases. But the answer/fatwaa doesn't really inform the person in dilemma what to do.
I also want to add an anecdote which can be found in fazail e sadaqat about the story of "Al sabti bin Haroun Ar Rashid" (ra). He left his father as his father was getting inclined towards the dunya. And it is not a sin. My question is, today, most houses have TV, families enter, no parda, invitation to mixed gatherings etc...living a pious life, adopting taqwaa is challenging. The pressure comes from the irreligious family.
Answer :
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa rahmatullāhi wa barakātuh.
Respected brother,
The question you ask is indeed an important issue for many young Muslims of today. However, the dynamics of a person facing this dilemma from a Shar‘ī perspective does not permit issuing a single ruling.
In principle, a Muslim is bound to obey his parents and give due consideration to their advice as long as it does not lead him to sin.
Rasūlullāh (sallAllāhu ‘alayhi wasallam) said:
لا طاعة لمخلوق في معصية الله
“There is no obedience to creation in the disobedience to Allah.”
With regards to non-Muslim parents, Allah Ta‘ālā says:
إِن جَاهَدَاكَ عَلى أَن تُشْرِكَ بِي مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِ عِلْمٌ فَلَا تُطِعْهُمَا وَصَاحِبْهُمَا فِي الدُّنْيَا مَعْرُوفًا
“If they put pressure on you to associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them. Yet, keep their company in the world in kindness.” (Qur’an, 31:15)
A person who is faced with the dilemma you refer to has to assess his situation:
Is his parents’ hindrance to his marriage leading him to sin and disobedience?
Is not leaving his home for a Dārul ‘Ulūm or its equivalent leading to sin?
If a person can delay the marriage on his parents request without any fear of falling into temptation and sin, he must give due consideration to his parents’ advice and make a collective decision with them. If, on the other hand, he knows he will not be able to save himself from sin if he did not get married, it will be necessary for him in this case to disregard his parents’ advice and marry. Obviously, this will only be after exhausting all avenues to avoid sin, like fasting continuously.
Similarly, if a person is in a situation that while observing his parents’ guidance and advice on whether to attend a Dārul ‘Ulūm or not, he can stay safe from sins, he must negotiate the decision with his parents, giving due consideration to their advice. But if he strongly feels that he cannot avoid sins, like the ones you referred to in your question, without attending an institution like a Dārul ‘Ulūm, he will have to act upon this feeling and attend the institution.
This is a broad outline of a complex and multidimensional issue. It is important for a young person to have connection with learned scholars and shuyūkh who he can confide in and whose advice on such issues he can trust. Only in this way can he be equipped to make the right decision in how best to deal with his parents in such situations and on what route to take.
And Allah Ta‘ālā Knows Best
Zameelur Rahman
Student Darul Iftaa
UK
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
www.daruliftaa.net
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