Question Summary:
Is it permissible to have a sexual relationship with my wife who is not a Muslim?

Question Detail:

 
I converted to Islam recently. I have been married for over 20 years. My Wife has not converted. She is not a Muslim or a believer. Is it permissable under Islam to have a sexual relationship with my legal wife who is not a Muslim or a believer ?

Answer :

 
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
We express our happiness at your correct decision in accepting Islām. It definitely takes lots of courage and sincerity to take such a huge step in life. Your efforts are truly commendable. Further, your concern for enquiring the different aspects of Deen is also praiseworthy. We make du’ā Allāh preserve your faith and your fervour for Deen.
We understand the different difficulties and obstacles you must have faced in your journey towards Islām. In fact, right from the beginning of Islām, converts have faced endless obstacles and difficulties in different facets of life. These actually are ladders of progress towards strengthening one’s faith and proving to Allāh one’s submission and loyalty to His divine laws. Such obstacles are part of Islām. Allāh says in the Qur’ān:
أَحَسِبَ النَّاسُ أَنْ يُتْرَكُوا أَنْ يَقُولُوا آمَنَّا وَهُمْ لاَ يُفْتَنُونَ
“Do the people perceive that they shall be left (at ease) upon saying ‘We have believed’ and they will not be put to test?”
الَّذِي خَلَقَ الْمَوْتَ وَالْحَيَاةَ لِيَبْلُوَكُمْ أَيُّكُمْ أَحْسَنُ عَمَلًا 
“The One Who created death and life, so that He may put you to test which of you is best in deeds.”
أَمْ حَسِبْتُمْ أَنْ تُتْرَكُوا وَلَمَّا يَعْلَمِ اللَّهُ الَّذِينَ جَاهَدُوا مِنْكُمْ وَلَمْ يَتَّخِذُوا مِنْ دُونِ اللَّهِ وَلَا رَسُولِهِ وَلَا الْمُؤْمِنِينَ وَلِيجَةً وَاللَّهُ خَبِيرٌ بِمَا تَعْمَلُونَ 
“Do you think that you will be left alone (without trial)? While Allah has not yet seen which of you had exerted your utmost struggle (in the path of Allah) and did not take any confidant other than Allah, His Rasūl and the believers? Allah is well aware of your actions.”
وَلَنَبْلُوَنَّكُمْ بِشَيْءٍ مِنَ الْخَوْفِ وَالْجُوعِ وَنَقْصٍ مِنَ الْأَمْوَالِ وَالْأَنْفُسِ وَالثَّمَرَاتِ وَبَشِّرِ الصَّابِرِينَ
“And We shall test you with a little fear, hunger, and loss of wealth, lives and fruits. And convey (My) glad tidings to the patient ones.”
Therefore, patience, tolerance and forbearance shall draw the mercy and help of Allāh. Your sacrifices shall certainly be greatly rewarded. However, this does not imply that you shall be enveloped by difficulties and that Islām is a religion of hardships. Rather, these are ways Allāh may create to draw us closer to Him. Some may be faced with more challenges than others, granting them a greater opportunity of getting closer to Allāh.
You well understand the parameters of Shari’āh are quite different to those of other religions. Islām strives to maintain and promote a high level of compliancy to its regulations, hence, blocking out any such avenues that may lead to harming ones Īmān (faith) or even causing it to wane. As such, Islām advocates that one socialises and interacts with those who are themselves Muslims, except where need arises.
One’s family and friends tend to greatly influence his/her habits, thinking, traits and actions. Therefore, Islām advocates that the institution of marriage be conducted with such a spouse who his chaste and noble, so that he/she may compliment the other in his/her religious activities.
Hence, Shari’ah allows marriage to a Muslim spouse. If need be, one is also allowed to marry a woman who has faith in any of the divine religions such as Christianity and Judaism,[1] although this is not recommended as it may lead to the weakening of one’s faith and affording one’s children an un-Islāmic upbringing.[2] Other than that, Islām does not permit one to get married to or have any relations with a woman who does not have faith in any divine religion.[3] As such, you should discontinue any such relations with your wife as according to Shari’ah you are no longer married to her.[4]
We understand that is will be a very difficult step for you, but, this should not disorient you. This is the time to turn to Allāh and seek His help. Supplicate abundantly to Allāh that He may guide your wife to Islām. You should also try your best to convert her to Islām. Employ all means within your capacity to invite her to accept Islām. You may also explain your situation to the senior scholars in your area so that they may arrange for some women to explain to her about Islām and the benefits it entails. She should also be explained the implications that her non-acceptance of Islām will have on her marital and domestic life.
If she accepts Islām before three of her menstrual cycles elapse from the time of your acceptance of Islām, then you do not need to undertake a new marriage. However, if she accepts Islām after that period, then you will have to conduct a new Islamic marriage (Nikāh). This can be arranged with your local scholars.[5]
We make du’ā that Allāh guide your wife to the straight path and may He grant you abundant reward, patience and steadfastness. Āmīn.
We shall be glad to answer any other queries you may have. You may contact us through: admin@daruliftaa.net.
 
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Nabeel Valli
Student Darul Iftaa
Lusaka, Zambia
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
www.daruliftaa.net