Question Summary:
Parents arranging the child’s marriage without informing Question Detail:
I'm in my 3rd year of engineering school. My parents have fixed my marriage with my cousin sister through her parents but I was not knowing this, because of my parents continuously going to my grandfather’s house, I thought something important is going on, I thought it might be about marriage only so I had recorded the call that was made from my mobile by my mother but when I knew it was of my marriage, I tried to contact my cousin via sms.
I had her number, which I had taken to tell her after her tenth standard that it is not permissible for her to pursue higher studies in Islam. But she wanted to study till 12th standard so I told her to take admission in Arts where there are only girls.
Now she is in 11th and her parents have fixed this relation with me. When I asked her that does she like this relation she said NO. When I asked the reason, she gave a very silly reason that she treated me as her older brother. Then I informed her about this relationship, it was arranged by our parents.
Thereafter, I asked should I cancel this marriage which will be InshaAllāh after 2 to 3 years. She said "yes". I told her what will you do when your parents ask whether you like this relationship after 2 years. She said if they agree, I am not going to say anything and accept it. She then asked me what will I say. I said to her that I like this relationship and I have asked to Allāh in almost every dua about getting married to a pious woman and I asked Allah to make you pious.
She told me to cancel it. When I told her that her parents will be hurt when I cancel this arrangement and I can't tell about her grandparent’s life when they hear this because they all are very happy with this then she said not to cancel it.
Non- Mahram
Answer :
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ῾alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Shar῾īah has granted every adult male and female an independent right to choose his or her marriage partner.
Shar῾iah has also advised to marry if there is inclination and compatibility. Hence, Shar῾iah has even relaxed the rules of not seeing a Non- Mahram in order for a person to make the right choice. Inclination leads to love and harmony, which is the foundation to a successful and blissful marriage. If there is no inclination, how will there be love in the marriage? How will the marriage prosper? Such an attitude can be very injurious and detrimental to the marriage.
Adult male and female are given the option to marry or to abstain altogether. Parents cannot force them to marry. Thus, one is at liberty to exercise his or her option.
This is because the boy and the girl are expected to marry and live very closely as Allah Ta’āla describes the closeness of spouses by saying:
"هُنَّ لِبَاسٌ لَكُمْ وَأَنْتُمْ لِبَاسٌ لَهُنَّ"
“They (women) are your garments and you (men) are their garments.”
(Qurān 2:189)
The desired affect is to be successfully married. This can only be achieved through compatibility of the spouses, through knowing the likes and dislikes and through knowing that they can agree to disagree. How can it be expected of the spouses to live a blissful and a prosperous marriage life, if it was arranged without the spouses consent and approval?
When Shar῾īah has relaxed its rule of seeing the potential spouse, how can the parents arrange the marriage without even informing their off springs?
Nonetheless, keeping the dignity and respect of your parents in mind, you should approach your parents and inform them about how you feel and how she feels.
If your family does not understand your point of view, seek the assistance of some influential people and make them advise your family.
And Allah Ta῾āla Knows Best
Mufti Zaid M Shelia,
Student Darul Iftaa
Chicago, Illinois (USA)
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
www.daruliftaa.net
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