Question Summary:
I have some questions about dating, music and other aspects of life? Question Detail:
I am from Canada. Allow me to tell you that I think I am a pretty good Muslim. I try to pray five times a day. I fast in Ramadan, I am kind and generous, I don't drink or smoke etc etc. At school I saw this really cute non-muslim girl who is a year younger than me. We flirted and I am interested in starting a healthy relationship with her. I do not plan on having sex with her and at this point in my life I am not thinking about marriage. However, I want to have a normal western style relationship; hugging, making out, holding hands, dating, etc. Is this Haraam? Why or why not?
I also have some other questions for you if you don't mind (tried to do some research but always get varied responses)
Answer :
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
A Muslim in this world can either live in accordance with the teachings of Islam and thus reconcile his faith with his practical life by living like a true Muslim or he can live a life that is at odds with his faith and in doing so he goes against the teachings of Islam.
We were not sent into this world to make our own choices considering what seems right or wrong. Masha-Allah you have made the right choice regarding drinking and smoking. You have also made the right choice when it comes to praying your daily Salah and fasting in Ramadan and being kind and generous. But what if your friend were to come along and say: “It's too difficult to fast in Ramadan, or too difficult to pray Isha, especially in Canada when the nights are long and Isha is so late.”
Would you just give in and say, “Yes, you're right. Go ahead and skip Isha.” If he complains about Ramadan being too difficult, would you say to him, “You don't have to fast if you don't want to.”
Rather, you would tell him the right thing and tell him that you have to fulfill your duty to Allah and pray and fast.
The question then is practicing Islam as Allah wants us to practice and not about what we might feel is right or wrong. Today, thousands upon thousands of Muslims are born in the West and grow up never having visited their parent's countries yet that does not stop them from practicing Islam in its entirety. That's because Islam is not about a country or a place. It's the faith in your heart that connects you with Allah and the teachings of His Prophet (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) wherever you are.
Getting to the gist of your questions, it is impermissible to have a normal western-style relationship as mentioned in the question. The Islamic way is the natural way. It is the way man was meant to live whereas flirting and dating are unnatural and create a desire in the heart that is difficult to suppress until man engages further and further in impermissible actions and becomes trapped by his own desires and thoughts. Furthermore, such a lifestyle is very unhealthy for the body and the soul.
As Muslims we believe that the Quran is the Word of Allah, and that Allah knows what is best for us. Allah says in the Quran:
قُلْ لِلْمُؤْمِنِينَ يَغُضُّوا مِنْ أَبْصَارِهِمْ وَيَحْفَظُوا فُرُوجَهُمْ ذَلِكَ أَزْكَى لَهُمْ إِنَّ اللَّهَ خَبِيرٌ بِمَا يَصْنَعُونَ
Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts, etc.). That is purer for them. Verily, Allah is All-Aware of what they do.
(Surah An-Nur, Verse 30)
Music is also impermissible and you can see a detailed answer on that here: http://askimam.org/fatwa/fatwa.php?askid=b3d99336f7a45e1a796fe7410490d54a
Dogs are permissible for safety and security but are not permissible merely as pets. If they are kept for safety they should be kept outside the house and not inside. The owner should be careful that the saliva does not get on his clothes or body as it is impure.
It is not permissible to put up pictures of animate objects in the home. The reason for both the dogs and pictures being impermissible is that they prevent the angels of mercy from entering the home. [i]
Clapping is not the way of Muslims when celebrating an occasion. Clapping is the way of the disbelievers as is mentioned in the Quran:
وَمَا كَانَ صَلاتُهُمْ عِنْدَ الْبَيْتِ إِلا مُكَاءً وَتَصْدِيَةً
Their Salat (prayer) at the House (of Allah, i.e. the Ka'bah at Makkah)
was nothing but whistling and clapping of hands.
(Surah Al-Anfal, 35)
The way of the Muslims is to thank Allah for every blessing that we have or that we witness by saying: مَا شَاءَ اللَّهُ لَا قُوَّةَ إِلا بِاللَّهِ. [ii]
The way of Rasulullah (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) is complete and the best. As Muslims we accept this without any reservations. So why would we choose another way of doing something, when the best way of doing it has already been shown to us?
If another people or nation does something another way and we imitate them, then it is as if we left the way of Rasulullah (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) and became part of that other culture.
In an authentic hadith, Rasulullah (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) is reported to have said [iii]:
من تشبه بقوم فهو منهم
Whoever imitates a people is from among them
To say that somebody else's way is better or that times have changed would be tantamount to claiming that Rasulullah's (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) way is not ideal anymore (we seek refuge in Allah), and that can never be. He (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) was sent for all people until the end of time, and so the Sunnah way of doing anything will always be the best.
If you apply the above hadith to all the questions you have asked: dancing, clapping, celebrating birthdays, dating, keeping dogs as pets, having conversations with girls and so on you will realize that this not the way we have been told to live our lives. This is not the way Allah wants us to live in this world.
A Muslim is one who submits to the will of Allah, and not his desires. A Muslim is one who holds the teachings of his Prophet (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) above all other teachings. We have been forbidden from imitating the way of the disbelievers and we have our own teachings and own Islamic culture that is pure, natural and pleasing to Allah.
If we desire the pleasure of Allah, and His Paradise then we will do our best to avoid all those things we've been told to avoid whether we understand the reasoning behind it or not. If a doubt comes to your mind think about a baby who is warned from touching something very hot or sharp. The baby cries because he wants that thing, but doesn't understand that its dangerous for him.
Think of all these things (dancing, dating, flirting, etc.) as very harmful for your soul, whether you understand it or not. If you do so, you will Insha-Allah be able to avoid them. However, when you begin justifying why or why not you fall into a trap of Shaytan and your own nafs and these two will overpower your reasoning.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Mawlana Sohail ibn Arif
Student, Darul Iftaa
U.S.A
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
www.daruliftaa.net
أخبرني أبو طلحة رضي الله عنه ، صاحب رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم ، وكان قد شهد بدرا مع رسول [i]
الله صلى الله عليه وسلم : أنه قال : ( لا تدخل الملائكة بيتا فيه كلب ولا صورة ) . يريد صورة التماثيل التي فيها الأرواح
صحيح البخاري ٤٠٠٢
ثم قال: {ولولا إذ دخلت جنتك قلت ما شاء الله لا قوة إلا بالله إن ترن أنا أقل منك مالا وولدا} هذا [ii]
تحضيض وحث على ذلك، أي: هلا إذا أعجبتك حين دخلتها ونظرت إليها حمدت الله على ما أنعم به عليك، وأعطاك من المال والولد ما لم يعطه غيرك، وقلت: {ما شاء الله لا قوة إلا بالله} ؛ ولهذا قال بعض السلف: من أعجبه شيء من حاله أو ماله أو ولده أو ماله، فليقل: {ما شاء الله لا قوة إلا بالله} وهذا مأخوذ من هذه الآية الكريمة. وقد روي فيه حديث مرفوع أخرجه الحافظ أبو يعلى الموصلي في مسنده:
حدثنا جراح بن مخلد، حدثنا عمر بن يونس، حدثنا عيسى بن عون، حدثنا عبد الملك بن زرارة، عن أنس، رضي الله عنه، قال: قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: "ما أنعم الله على عبد نعمة من أهل أو مال أو ولد، فيقول: {ما شاء الله لا قوة إلا بالله} فيرى فيه آفة دون الموت". وكان يتأول هذه الآية: {ولولا إذ دخلت جنتك قلت ما شاء الله لا قوة إلا بالله}
تفسير إبن كثير ٥/ ١٥٨
من تشبه بقوم فهو منهم [iii]
سنن أبي داود الرقم ٤٠٣١
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