Question Summary:
Asalaam u Alikum Respected brother: I have 2 Questions. regarding self Nikkah on Phone As well on Internet ,voice and live Video… Question Detail:
Asalaam u Alikum Respected brother: I have 2 Questions. regarding self Nikkah on Phone As well on Internet ,voice and live Video. ,, Q.no -2 is seen Naked Each Other and phone sex chat for 1 week with my faincy
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I am engauged to one Muslim laday in presence of both family some relative had Function. Ring ceramony etc in pakistan. but nikkah will be don in jun-jul sep 2010 InshaAllah. but i work abroad Alone,as have internet connection with webCam.. last week we both did ,worn on cam we saw each other naked body at least HAlf Body and we chat on phone for a week,,discusee sex feelings.asume we are togther tuching each other body:
due to this worry we may do wrong we make ourself OWN NIKKAH by witness Allah and swear ALLAh & Rasool,Prophat Mohammed (PBUH) ,Quran. and accpet each other Husband wife 3 times.
parents dnt knew about our self nikkah not about our sex chat.
Now we want do toba ,/kaffara, pls advise wht to do inshaallah we stop bad, things Pray For Us we wana be goood Muslims i feel shame wht we did.
Answer :
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In the name of Allāh, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Assalāmu ῾alaykum wa Rahmatullāhi Wabarakātuh
We are indeed pleased to receive your query.
It is wonderful to notice that Allah Ta’ala has instilled in your heart the desire of becoming a good Muslim. Every person is prone to commit sin but the most fortunate are those who, after sinning are left with regret and shame. Therefore, these feelings which you experience should be treated as a blessing of Allah Ta’ala for in reality it is repentance (towbah). Nabi (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) has stated:
Regret is (also) a form of repentance![1]
When a servant of Allah Ta’ala has such remorse and desire for reform, Allah Ta’ala directs him to avenues where he will receive the appropriate guidance. Hence, if you will appreciate and act upon the guidance, your hopes of becoming a good muslim will surely materialize!
With regards to your first query, two issues come about:
1) Performing your own nikah in the absence of witnesses.
2) Nikah via the phone, internet etc.
As for the first issue i.e. performing one’s own nikah in the absence of witnesses:
Remember that, it is a requirement for the validity of nikah that it be conducted in the presence of two male adults or one male and two female witnesses, all of whom are Muslim, sane and free (the word ‘free’ is to exclude slaves).[2]
In view of the above conditions, your self-performed ‘nikah’ will not be valid because there were no witnesses. The respective lady is still out of your wedlock, i.e. a ghair mahram to you.
As for Allah Ta’ala being a witness to the nikah, understand that inevitably, Allah Ta’ala is always a party and witness to all occurrences and happenings around the world. Despite this, it is He who commands that a nikah requires witnesses, males alone or along with females.[3]
A point to note here also is that, together with Islam advocating and encouraging the performance of nikah, it has at the same time stressed the importance of making it known to all. Nabi (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) has stated, “Announce the nikah and perform it in the Musjid.”[4] In yet another hadith, Nabi (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) has recommended having a feast for the walimah.[5] These ahadith clearly illustrate the spirit of Islam; that is, nikah is a cheerful occasion yet at the same time, a sacred one which should be made known to all.
On the other hand, performing secret nikahs via the internet, chat lines, away from the public etc. are practices contrary to this Islamic spirit. Mashallah! While we do compliment and appreciate your concerns to protect yourself from sin, do remember; just as how we would follow the proper channels when practicing virtuous deeds, similarly, one should at the same time follow the proper channels when refraining from sin!
As for the second issue, nikah via a phone, internet etc.:
It is a pre-requisite for the validity of nikah that, witnesses be present who witness both, the proposal and acceptance of nikah. Hence, if both parties still wish to go ahead with the nikah without being present at one place, i.e. telephonically, the only alternative will be to contract the nikah via a proxy (representative).
In this case, you will appoint a representative/agent (wakeel) in Pakistan who will on your behalf, make the offer to the girl’s party. The girl or her representative will accept (i.e. make qubul) of this proposal and in this manner, the nikah will be concluded In Pakistan.
Understand this procedure by means of an example:
When authorizing C to be your representative, C should be in the presence of two witnesses, while you authorize him with these words,
“I authorize you to contract my nikah with Ayesha, daughter of D, for the sum of Rs… as dower.”
This representative of yours, in Pakistan, will say, “Being a duly authorized agent of Ahmed M, I propose to marry Ayesha, daughter of D, to Ahmed M in lieu of Rs…”
In turn, the girl or her representative will pronounce her acceptance, in the presence of at least two witnesses and say, “I married/accepted Ahmed M, son of so and so, for the sum of Rs… as dower.”
Once the above procedure is followed, the nikah contract will be valid on condition that the appointed representative in Pakistan is absolutely sure of his appointment through the telephone and that his appointment is witnessed by two persons. This is impossible to confirm through a speaker phone system.[6] It would also be better if the representative’s appointment is reduced to paper for clarification.
With regards to your second query, regarding the discussions with the girl:
In the Quran, Allah Ta’ala has given us numerous guidelines for our spiritual protection. One such advice which Allah Ta’ala offers is:
Do not go close to adultery (zina) for it is a shameless and immoral act.[7]
We should remember that we are living in a world full of pulls, attractions and challenges (fitnas). Daily, these attractions intensify in terms of its evil and immorality. One such attraction is the chat lines/rooms over the net. Chats on these lines result in countless of problems, some similar to that which you have experienced. Therefore, chat lines such as ‘facebook’, ‘twitter’, ‘mxit’ etc. are things we should be staying far away from, as the Quran advises, so as not to get caught up in wrong. This was the cause of you chatting, fantasizing, exposing the body etc. These are all impermissible acts.
Our advice to you is:
1) You make complete towbah over those wrong deeds. There are three aspects to towbah:
a) Immediately abstain from the wrong, stop all contact with the girl.
b) To regret over the wrong.
c) Pledge, make a firm determination not to return to the sin again.
2) If it is possible, speak to the respective nikah parties and try to bring the nikah date earlier, this would be best! If there is no way of doing so, then with mutual consent from the immediate relatives of the boys and girls party, arrange for a ‘telephonic’ nikah as was mentioned above.
3) Make arrangements to reform oneself. This can easily be done via two avenues:
a) Joining the effort of Dawat and Tabligh.
b) Linking up to the effort of Taswwuf by taking the advice of a reliable pious person.
And Allāh Ta῾āla Knows Best
Wassalāmu ῾alaykum
Ml. Zeyad Danka,
Student Dārul Iftā
Checked and Approved by:
Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Dārul Iftā, Madrasah In῾āmiyyah
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