Question Summary:
We live in USA and my husband told me that he cant tell his first wife about me because she cant tolarate this and by law he will be in trouble and since she is converted muslim she doesn’t know about the concept of four marriages.

Question Detail:

We live in USA and my husband told me that he cant tell his first wife about me because she cant tolarate this and by law he will be in trouble and  since she is converted muslim she doesn't know about the concept of four marriages.bear in mind that she is converted for almost 10 years but she does not practice.

1- how a husband  will do justice if he cant tell his first wife  about his second wife?
2- In this case can a husband lie to his first wife and pay visits to second one is OK?
3-if a husband cant take care of his two wives together which one he should divorce the one who he has kids with or the one he doesn;t have kids?
4- If second wife does not want to hide her relation to her husband from his first wife, and she doesn't want to live with the person in hiding ,and if husband doesnot agree to tell the first wife, the second wife is untitled for a divorce.

Answer :

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Assalaamu `alaykum waRahmatullahi Wabarakatoh
There are three aspects to this query

According to Shariah, the husband has the right to marry a second wife without the permission of the first wife. However, in order to maintain a harmonious relation, it is wise to talk the first wife into his intention of taking a second wife. Generally, if a man marries a second wife without discussing the issue with his first wife, his life become miserable and that causes a great amount of anxiety, stress and discomfort to the wives and children.
We agree that if the husband conceals the second marriage, he would fail in fulfilling his obligation of maintaining equality among his wives. According to Shariah, the husband is required to spend equal amount of nights by each of his spouses. Therefore if goes to stay with the second wife every second day, the first wife will become suspicious of him having an illicit relation which could cause more harm than anticipated. At that stage it will be difficult to talk to her as her emotions would overpower her and no sense will prevail.
It is our understanding that the issue of taking a second wife can never be concealed. The reality will expose itself at some time or the other.
If the husband cannot maintain two wives, he should not take another wife. He should set his priorities and choose which one he wants. It is prudent to mention that sometimes the husband becomes drunk over his love for the second wife that he ignores the sacrifices borne by the first wife and stoops to the level where he is prepared to separate and divorce her. The situation becomes even more complex when he has children from her. It is therefore important for the husband to consider all these issues before considering taking another wife.
If the husband is not prepared to expose his second marriage, the second wife should consider that before marrying this man. It is unwise and foolish to marry and thereafter consider the implications of marrying such a person.
And Allah knows best
Wassalam
Muhammed Zakariyya Desai,
Assistant Mufti
Checked and Approved by:
Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Darul Iftaa, Madrassah In'aamiyyah