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ASSALAMU-ALAIKUM RESPECTED MUFTI SAHAB
I would appreciate if details of this query is not mentioned in your website. Jazakuallah.
Seven years ago, I lost my husband through illness. I have 2 girls under 13 yrs old. Three years later, I performed Nikah with a widower with 2 boys under 10 yrs old. Him and the boys moved from
Leicester to my house in
London . We did not perform registry wedding as he was reluctant to do it, I was concerned about my girls’ future should something happen to me. From day one, he said that the marriage won’t be the same as our first marriage.
We were initially happy except for financial problems. He wanted us to go halfway in all expenses although I am not working and he was. He owns 2 properties in
Leicester which he was renting out and kept the income for himself. I looked after the boys as my own children and never tell them off. Yet he always used to tell my girls off for minor reasons. He used to look after his boys differently from my girls and would give them expensive presents because they have lost their mum in an accident. He did not think that my girls lost their day too.
15 months later after Nikah, we went back home (abroad) together with the family. Everything was fine at the beginning, we stayed at his parents. He began to change in manners, i.e., I was unwell and he wanted me to go to the doctors on my own. When I went to my mum’s, he was annoyed to come and collect me stating that “am I your chauffeur?” although he did not object to me visiting my family. He went quiet on me and hardly spoke to me whilst at his parents. Many things happened at that time to make me think that what did I do to deserve this? He mistreated me and took me for granted after doing so much for him and the boys. I was very annoyed. A week before our departure for
London , I left his parents house and went to stay with my mum. I told my brother to call my husband at his mums and tell him that I needed a break from him and once we arrive back in
London , for him to return to Leicester and I to
London . After that my family did not involved in anything, as a matter of fact, they told me, in the light of what I have told them, not to return to my husband. From there I went to the airport with my girls and he had not yet arrived at the airport. I checked in and changed the seats. He then arrived with his parents at the airport and found out what I changed the seats and was very angry. When I saw his mum, I went over and greeted her. She did not speak to me.
On the plane, we did not speak to each other. My brother came to collect me at the airport in
London and took us to his house. My brother suggested that as we are both very angry, in order to calm down the situation, for my husband to go back to Leicester and I to
London to think things over. My brother never got involved again to talk things through. My husband since then been living in
Leicester with the boys. Initially he was extremely angry with me and would not talk to me.
After one week, he came over unexpectedly and I said to him ‘lets sit down and talk to sort things out’. He said that first he has to take all his belongings, e.g. all things that he bought whilst living with me. He was not willing to discuss anything saying that I was at fault. I mentioned to him that he was at fault. He left. I rang him as Ramadhan was approaching and I told him to forgive and forget and lets get back together and pick up where we left off. He said, no way, because I have humiliated him back home and here in front of his family. I was trying my best to get things back to normal. I went to
Leicester on my own to see them and he was still angry. He talked to me but nothing positive came to conclusion. Things was still estrange between us. We kept calling each other but not real outcome. He keeps referring to the past and finds it hard to forgive and forget. I asked him for forgiveness for what I have done and also rang his mum back home and asked for forgiveness. I have done everything in my capacity to try and make things right between us. I can see that he still cares for me and he says he loves me but does not want to commit.
This year, he took me, the girls and the boys to Umra as I kept asking him as it was my wish and he is my mehram. I believe he expects me to pay my and my girls’ shares as he keeps hinting. Although he keeps hinting about how low his finances are, although he goes back home twice a year. He has a property that he rents in
Leicester , two properties back home and he is employed and always buys the latest gadgets for them.
On a regular basis, he comes to my house and lives with me as husband and wife. When I speak of commitment and living together, he does not want to know. Todate, he keeps referring to the past and also says that it was my family who split us up. He twists everything I say to make me look/sound bad.
I love him deeply and feels that we have something together. What I want is for us to live together as a family. I don’t mind selling my house and he sells his and buy a house for ourselves and make a fresh start. I have mentioned this to him, but he is not prepared to do so. He said that his two properties are for his children and mine are for my girls.
Please advise as I do not know what to do. I make plenty of duas for us to be together as a family. I do not want to give him up. How can I make him understand?
Jazakallah
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