Question Summary:
Problem between husband and wife

Question Detail:

My husband and I have been married for 8 years. I have 2 children. Through our 8yr marriage we have fought a lot. He has announced divorce, we have gotten parents involved, I have seen an imam to get help, I have taken him to imam to get help, we have broken things in the home and our children have witnessed it all. I am exhausted. I am tired of fighting. I pay my dues as a wife. He travels 80% so when he comes home there is a meal on the table , house is clean, kids are taken care of and we welcome him with a smile. Regardless we are all yelled at. He is always angry and stressed around us. There’s rarely ever times where he’s not angry. I’ve talked to him about getting help but he doesn’t take that seriously. He has involved my parents in previous arguments to which we spoke of divorce many times so now my parents don’t want to hear of it. His parents never liked me getting married to him. We have had many issues there. We have seen an imam for that as well. I haven’t been physical with him for over a month. That, I understand is wrong as a wife. But I stopped this because I can no longer feel to love him. I can’t be physical with him because every time we are done being physical he goes back to being emotionally abusive. I have tried to make this work so much that it’s taken out every bit of energy from my body. Last night we fought again in-front of our children. I hate seeing my kids scared and worried. They console me when he’s not around and tell me it will be okay. It is not their duties to do this for me. I do not feel that this relationship is right for me. My husband does everything else, he works, takes us on vacation and buys us things. But I am not in this for money. Even when we are on vacation we fight. I need to get my children out of this negative atmosphere. I am a stay at home mom. My husband has made it clear to me that he doesn’t like going out with me, talking to me or spending time with me. When I ask him to discuss any problems we have with each other he says I’m not worth talking to about this. He numerously attacks me emotionally, unreasonably yells at me and many times shows anger at me in public. I know I don’t have the worst of the worst but what can I do if I’ve seeked all the help possible. Our parents are aware we don’t get along. I have asked him to leave me but he knows my mom won’t let me do so. So his first comment is, “let’s get the parents involved”. My mom is sick. She is a kidney transplant patient and she is going through a rough time. She is also very emotional about this situation and isn’t someone I can speak to. I need an imam to help me figure things out.

Answer :

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

Sister

We take note of the contents of your email. We make Dua Allah grant you courage and wisdom to overcome your difficulty.

You state your husband provides everything and you also state you are not worst of. You have also tried to address the issue of your husband’s anger with family members and it did not help. We advise you to be patient. You are a mother of two children. Your patience will yield sweet fruits. You may consider reading some Islamic literature as a family program daily for a few minutes. You may state you wish to introduce it to nurture your children. The short stories may soften the heart of your husband. You may also consider placing such literature within your husband’s sight. Also turn to Allah with Dua and Zikr. 

Allah says:

إِنَّ اللَّهَ مَعَ الصَّابِرِينَ

Translation: Indeed, Allah is with the patient.

Read Salatul Hajah daily and beg Allah for help. You should not falter in your duties to him that will not help the situation. Always look for solutions to the problem. 

For the procedure of Salat-ul-Hajat refer to Fatwa #19493.

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Mahomed Yasser Mahomed Yunus Hussen

Student Darul Iftaa
Mozambique

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.